*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Are you afraid of the dark? (Season 1 2019 fanfics)” and is the childhood I imagined for the main antagonist of the show’s first season, which only has three episodes and have different plots and characters for every season. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Marcus and Bart are canon characters, this woman is not. Enjoy!*
Bart held onto Marcus’s hand as they walked to the towering yellow painted mansion with white trim, seeming gloat at all the houses. The train ride had been long, but they made it to the city.
“Why are we going here? Why-“
“To work.” Bart said.
“To work? But-“
Bart banged on the door knocker, silencing Marcus.
The door was answered by a blond haired woman with calm blue eyes, a calmness that Marcus had only seen in Daddy, before he…
No. There was no time to think about that.
“We have no place to go, no place to stay. If we could serve you and your family, it would be a honor. We can-“
“Yes, yes, come in.” The woman said, ushering the boys inside.
They were going to work? As servants? But-
Someone had to start somewhere, didn’t they? That’s what Mommy and Daddy always said.
Marcus would have his dream, he just had to work for it, even though Bart’s idea didn’t sound very fun.
He would have it one day…
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139,207 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
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Ohh I remember I read something of yours about these characters before!
I find it.... a little disturbing how easily that woman agreed to let 2 children in to let them work for her. It feels like there's an ulterior motive. Also that Bart absolutely knew they would find work here.. It is all very mysterious and Marcus just feels too young to really understand what's going on. Kinda curious where this all leads and what this woman will want them to do ...
Hi hi! Sorry, that was longer than "soon," but I'm finally here with a review ^^ Alright, let's get right to it!
I like how this description is short, but enough to give a sense of the house's character. The house is unique, and maybe a bit pretentious, given how it's "towering" above the other houses. Just a couple of nitpicks: there should be an 's' after the apostrophe when the entity is singular, even if it ends in an 's' (so instead of "Marcus'", it would be "Marcus's"). Also, "towering" is repeated... personally, I think the second time is more impactful than the first, so maybe the first instance of "towering" could be removed?
Ah, so much can be implied from just a couple of sentences. First off, the execution of the interruption was great; the sentence right after the cut-off word shows clearly how/why it was cut off. And then the way Bart doesn't reply to Marcus and instead forges on could mean so many things... Maybe he doesn't take Marcus seriously, or maybe he wants to take action before he loses the nerve. I think it could give more depth to Bart's character if you showed his facial expression or body language. For example, if he's nervous, maybe he fidgets? Or if he's confident, he might stand tall and straight.
Poor Marcus
Hmm... That seemed too easy... *Is suspicious of the woman*
I believe in you, Marcus! Though, be warned, things never come easy for protagonists...
Thanks for sharing, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
Thank you for your review and I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!
Are you interested in reading more fanfiction of him?
Waiting is not fun, but good things come to those who wait…right??
I created this:
Christmas at the Walsh family mansion