The calm gentle swells of the evening
Turn into towering giants with moon crested edges
Then roar into a foaming crash of anger
Which bubble out to a clear looking-glass
As it is swept over the sand, back out to sea...
Only to become yet another gentle swell,
Riding the breeze of the sea.
-edit-
Riding the breeze of the ocean.
better or worse????
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Thanks everyone!!!
Of course, not all poetry rhymes.
As for this poem, I just feel like it's describing the obvious; I don't think it really delves into something really deep. When you pick a topic to write about, I suggest that you find something interesting about it and take it to the next level. (You're talking about waves rolling over the sand. Is this at night? If it is, how does the moon's reflection look on the water? How does the reflection of the moon break as the water moves? Something deeper like that.)
I do like the describtive words you used. As for the last line, I think ocean is better because the ocean has bigger crashing waves.
I kinda liked this poem. It's very unique.
Very descriptive, yeah. I don't have much to say, because I loved this poem. It's very well written. I'm not so sure about grammar, but overall it's great.
I really like this poem, because I really love the ocean. Or anyplace where there's water and waves, I was at a bay yesterday and it was really fun.
andI like the imagery. The calm ocean rolling in and out, and the larger waves, crashing down onto the beach. Beautiful.
My only real problem with the poem is the punctuation. Your story actually reads pretty well without punctuation, but it could use some. Because, it almost turns into a run-on sentence in the beginning without a little more punctuation.
Another thing, I would love it if this poem was a bit longer. More waves, explaining how the calm waters turned into the giant wave and then back to calm waters. 'Tis a bit random. Although, I was chasing after those kinds of waves myself yesterday. Wanted to take a picture of the giant waves crashing against the rocks, but the waves would only come when I walked away....
I do love the words that you used, though.
Good luck with your poetry!
It is pretty good for its length! good job!
I don't think the slight choppy-ness of the piece is altogether that bad, afterall, the sea is choppy.
Oh, and Evening and Edges don't rhyme. ha just kidding. But really, I think that the majority of people on this site are intelligent enough to know that poetry does not have to rhyme. In fact, when I first began writing, none of my poems rhymed. I didn't write a rhyming poem until relatively recently.
As for the poem, I kinda liked it. I could feel the waves. It took me back to the ocean and it was nice...
It might need a little grammer help, and perhaps more help with rhythm if you would like to make it flow better, but I wouldn't be much help with that. Good imagery though!
alright, so you didn't have to point out the fact that it wasn't supposed to rhyme...
that part was pretty obvious.
now for the actual poem...
this didn't really do a whole lot for me, sorry.
you didn't have much of a consistent flow with this piece. it was relatively choppy in certain parts...
this wasn't your best work...
nice try, though...
-GC10