This is the story of a person with a canyon made inside themselves, and they are struggling on whether they should cross the canyon or continue to shut out their inner voice.
My Canyon
A voice
Lone and free,
Sweet and clear,
Rebounding through
This canyon
I’ve created,
In me.
It urges me
To let go,
To re-experience.
To fly, the wind rustling
My very being.
But I can’t.
Oh voice, stop calling!
Your message,
Soft and Sweet.
The longing
Is ever-present.
And is running deeper
Than ever.
I wish,
But what is a wish?
Just a memory
Tied to a hope.
And my tie
Is growing stronger,
Through the time.
But is it enough,
This calling voice,
This tie of feelings,
To make me cross
The canyon
In me?
I have created it
For a purpose.
And is this purpose
To be shattered,
At the far bottom
Of the gorge?
Oh voice,
Stop calling.
You know I long
To free myself.
But I am restricted.
By none other
Than me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hehe... grey ghost your review made me laugh.
lilchoma, thank you for the review-even if it doesn't get the the point specifically, it's always nice to get an overall feeling for what the readers are thinking.
desmerize1819, im going to try to go through it again and add more punctuation as you suggested, although i don't think it's good to overload a poem with punctuation marks...i guess it's not my style. but thanks for the suggestions!
*editing in process...*
i reallly liked this poem. i cant punctuate for beans, so i cant really say anything about that. last stanza was by far my favorite.
what goes inside your head must be incredible, if you can write poetry like that.
also, the word "canyon" reminds me of "crayons"
and crayons are awesome.
--the ghost of poems past--
Hey, cluless, your poem sure does contradict your name.
Your piece was good, but I can't say that it was excellent. I may be wrong, but I think it would have helped if there were more punctuation.
In the seventh stanza there could have been a period after "Stop calling". Also after "I wish" in the fourth stanza, you could've put ellipses which would have suggested that you were pondering or unsure.
All in all I still enjoyed it. Keep the good work up!
alright clueless ( i feel very rude calling you by that name
) for me, this poem was just okay i suppose. i DID like the format of it, though, the way you split up the stanzas, and then the one that you split in half at the end. reading it, it was like falling down (which is a good thing), like you didn't have to try at all to make it to the next stanza. it flowed nicely.
i like the idea of this poem and the whole message or picture you are trying to get across to your readers, but the poem itself i think is just adequate. i'm sorry, i can't specifically tell you what to do about it. its one of those things that just takes practice i suppose. there's no way i can try to rearrange someone else's poem, becuase im not the one trying to say something.
im sorry this isnt a very helpful review, but i just wanted to leave you a note and tell you generallly what i thought. you're a good writer though, i can already see it. just keep working at it, and ill be looking around for your stuff