fragile feathers—
at the mercy of a gust
of breath or wind
for a fleeting chance at life
vulnerable to the same
natural outbursts
that we demand shelter from
dwarfed by neighbors whose
steady trunks boast
independence, endurance—
flourish. fluttering,
delicate faith holds them aloft
and they trust that the breeze
will be gentle with their fates.
a/n: inspired by a necklace, weirdly enough. apparently jewelry can make me write the first poem i've written in months. capitalization/punctuation was a stylistic choice.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello there cleverclogs
I m Kostia here to give you a review for your poem!
I wanted to point out before I start with the review that I appreciate the message that informs the reader about how you draw your inspiration for this poem and that I find it rather interesting. It is not weird at all, inspiration comes at many forms. And well it must be quite a necklace!
So let's start with the review:
Overall I was a bit confused about this piece and the meaning of it. I would like the message to be clearer. Maybe it would help to use longer and more in depth sentences and a simpler choice of words so the message can be more direct. However poetry is more liberate in this part than other types of writing. As a result I can't judge a style of writing that doesn;t apply to my taste. I am sure there is a purpose for how you chose to write it. The good thing about that is that it is abstract and it lets the reader to freely imagine things and apply this poem to their own understanding. However it is not how I would choose to write it which doesn't really matter. Just my humble opinion.
I like the choice of words in the first two lines:
"fragile feathers—
at the mercy of a gust"
it is really beautifly put and it intrigues the readers interest through a beautiful imagery such as "Fragile feathers"
The following two verses
"of breath or wind
for a fleeting chance at life"
Strong and captivating choice of words it inspires a sense of power and weaknes at the same time I really enjoyed those words combined together like that. The percieved contradiction is fairly represented.
"vulnerable to the same
natural outbursts"
until thispoint everything binds nicely together no notes here.
Now here:
that we demand shelter from
dwarfed by neighbors whose
steady trunks boast
independence, endurance—
flourish. fluttering,
delicate faith holds them aloft
This is where it started to get confusing. I got a bit lost in this part and I am not really sure what you are tryingto say even though I consider myself tobe fairly good with symbolism. Maybe if I didn'tknow that you were inspired by a necklace I wouldn't be so biased about it. I liked it as a reading and enjoyed it but I found myself lost in regard of the actual meaning. If I was you I would work on this part or embed it in order to make it clearer to the reader.
The finishing lines:
"and they trust that the breeze
will be gentle with their fates. "
Ireally liked the ending lines you chose. The wording is strong and passionate and it has a deep meaning that can apply to many things. Very inspiring and artistic. I admire its roughness. Simply loved that.
Overall I think it was interesting and you did a fine job
I would be happy to read more poems from you!
Keep up the good work!
Best regards kostia.
Your poetry is very good! I like it. You don't waste words and provide a lot information and emotion and style to this poem with your word choice.
I have a challenge for you, don't repeat any images or words in your next poem.
Hello!
I really like
"fragile feathers—
at the mercy of a gust
of breath or wind
for a fleeting chance at life"
I think it's just a beautiful description of a dandelion, and it produces an awe-struck tone.
I also really like
"dwarfed by neighbors whose
steady trunks boast
independence, endurance—"
I interpret it as that there will always be someone who's more confident than you, stronger than you, or more well-known than you, but you can always stand out in some way, even if you aren't the best or most popular.
Well done! I really enjoyed reading your poem!