A/N: We had to write sonnets in English class. This was mine.
Once long ago, the windows opened wide,
so gently blew the breeze between the
panes.
It cooled our blazing house and did
provide
a respite from the summer's hellish
reign.
Alas, our sweet reprieve can last no
more;
the system of the septic's gone
awry.
Now, if we raise the windows or the
door,
the odor of raw sewage drifts inside.
So when my cat jumps up upon my lap,
I wonder if it's mud that reeks and
stinks,
and as I run my hand across his back,
I hope that slimy spot's not what I
think.
Someday again my yard will be composed;
alas, for now, the windows will stay
closed.
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139,058 Literary Works • 672,403 Reviews
Wow, I really like this, although I don't understand some of it. I admire your ability to write sonnets as I find them difficult to write.
Did your teacher like this? (JUST WONDERING) overall, great job! You really have a knack for writing, as I see from your other works. I have a suggestion, however; you should PLEASE try your hand on proper stories. For one it would be fun for us readers, and also, your vocabulary is so complex and fine (from what I've seen) that it'd look better in stories than poems.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Hi, and thanks for reviewing! My teacher did like it (she even read it I the class). And I do actually have some short (very short) stories, but they're in different folders than all my poems. You can view them in my portfolio, if you want.
Thanks again, it means a lot to me!
Ok, so just, wow! I really liked your sonnet. I mean I really (in italics if only that were possible) liked it. I've had to write sonnets for English class before and they never turn out the way yours did.
I loved your rhymes (I know it's a set scheme but I do like the words you chose to rhyme with). I thought the flow was excellent as well along with your diction. Your word choice really helped to enhance the comical side of your sonnet. There isn't much I can critique about your sonnet so I'm going to leave it at this
Thanks so much!
nice story and i like the theme. its good that even your school teachers encourage you in writing poems. i just want to have few nitpicks-
"slimy spot's not what I think."- what is that you mean by a slimy spot??
the title of the poem is really interesting to read and though i up to some extent get the hectic part what does the septic signify?
a sonnet is not merely a poem of 14 lines but is has a particular rhyming scheme and it is mostly a devotion to something or someone, or at times focusing on a worldly theme. i like your theme here but you better consult with your teacher and get some more information about sonnets.
i see huge potential in you, keep writing and you will do good
Rituparna
Thanks for reviewing! To clarify on the slimy spot and the septic, a septic system is a sewage system used in rural areas where you can't be connected to a city sewer. The line about the slimy spot is meant to insinuate that the cat has been rolling around in sewage. As for the theme, we only learned about the structural rules in class, so thanks for informing me.
I'm rolling. This is hilarious.
Hello, you clever cleverclogs! I'm here to review!
First of all, congratulations on writing an actual shakesperean sonnet. It's so frustrating to find people claiming to have written something in iambic pentameter, but just slapping down ten syllables per line.
The rhyme scheme wasn't overpowering, and there weren't any forced rhymes. Some of the lines were a little archaicly worded, but hey, we don't talk like they did when they invented that crazy pentameter.
I wish that those last two lines didn't have to happen because I thought that the spot on the cat's back was a perfect note on which to end the poem. But alas, rules.
This poem made me cringe and grimace in sympathy, as well as giggle. That hasn't happened with a poem in quite a while. I hope that this itty bitty review proves useful to you! Happy poeting!
Thanks!
I liked it all! but I agree with the comment below
Hi! Donizback here for a quick review.
Are you ready? Let's gooooo.
That's a good one! Actually, I kind of like poetry so I liked the way you wrote it. Let's break it down into 1) title, 2) actual poem, 3) structure, and 4) how it overall stands.
1) Title - I loved it! It attracted me to read this poem. No problem there all at. It was really good. For me, one of the hardest things is to pick a title.
2) Poem - Lovely. Just awesome. The review below me said exactly what I wanted to say so I can't even pick that mini nitpick. haha
But believe me, it was good. The punctuation used were pretty impressive (no problem there), the vocabulary was nicely explored (awesome work there too!). So, I'd regard this poem to be the best I've read so far today in terms of all these things!
3) Structure - Okay! This is something I didn't like a bit. haha
I'd love to see it written with some sort of a structure. I mean, why not try breaking it down into stanzas? Don't you think it'd look better? I see it looking really good in my head.
4) Overall - Good. 9/10 I'd give it. Really nicely written! Well done, dude. You are awesome.
Keep writing! Believe me, you are really good at it.
Thanks for the feedback! As for the structure thing, formatting on this site is very difficult, although I could edit it to include little stanza-break things to help.
Boom. Done. It does look better now, it just didn't occur to me to do that while I was publishing it.
Thanks!
Cool. Looks really good now. One more thing! Use the "shift" button along with the "enter" button to bring the sentences closer to each other. That would surely help you.
Ah, that looks 100000x better! Thanks again!
There you go! Let me know if you need anything
Good luck.
I love the avatar.
This is going to be a very, very short review. I really liked your sonnet! It was amazingly written and I only have one nitpick.
I hope that slimy spot's not what I think.
When I read this, the smooth flow was interrupted by one extra syllable. It's up to you whether you think of this as an error, because I probably read it in a different way to you, but I suggest you read through and check.
The story was awesome, and sent me back to past London, with the sewage on the street. I'm not sure if that's the setting you intended, but it suited your sonnet well. I giggled at the part where your character is petting their cat. You've got a good bit of humour, but it's also an elegant piece. Well done!
Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm not sure how that line doesn't flow. I tried to follow iambic pentameter for this, and that's what I hear when I read that line. You probably read it with a different inflection than me, like you said.