This made me cry - I had an online friend I loved once, but I don't know where they are anymore. Thank you so much for writing this.
"i wish i could talk to u irl"
i type it as if everything that happens after i open my laptop
ceases to be "real", as if
my keyboard isn't solid underneath my fingertips
and my heartbeat pauses once the green light goes on,
halting my pulse until i return to what is "real":
people whose eyes wrinkle when they smile at me
and who graciously turn down my invitations to the movies
because they have soccer practice that day,
and sorry, but their coach just won't let them skip.
it's as if there's not another person on the other side of
the mountains and the computer screen,
whose face breaks out in a grin that i can't see on their face
but in their choice of words,
and whose fingers are tapping out one last message
before they pull on their most hated black dress
that will be wet with sweat from the heat of the stage lights
by the end of their school concert this evening.
i type "gtg" and hit enter.
a few moments later, my computer pings with their reply:
a farewell, talk-to-u-later message,
and so on both sides of the screen and the country,
we walk away from each other and into what is "real".
This made me cry - I had an online friend I loved once, but I don't know where they are anymore. Thank you so much for writing this.
Hi.
I really appreciate the mood and the message you convey. It's very subtle and you never say what you mean outright. I like the idea in general that talking to people over the internet isn't real. The mood is also really nice but I do have criticisms about that.
The mood you have is, at least I feel like it is, ideological rather than realistic. I feel like its food for thought. That being said, I don't like the hyper realistic examples you give especially at the end of the first verse. I think you could either cut it altogether or just leave the examples general. In addition to that, I think that these examples, not only the ones in the first verse but also the last part of the second verse break your flow.
I do like this overall.
I like how you define the difference between what is "real" and "not real". The poem was very well worded and I found it very easy to connect to, sometimes while online it does seem like things are fake and I get snapped back into "reality". This almost has an emotional relatedness to it and I get a very clear understanding of what is being told by the person in "reality". This poem is very brief but at the same time seems very raw, like the character is trying to distinct "reality" from this imaginary world. Very well done. Props.
Hey there! Grav here for a review!
So I decided to review this because I can definitely relate to this. Online friendships and relationships can certainly seem very real or actually be very real to you, depending on the person. I have tons of friends on here that I feel closer to than people in real life.
I liked your decision to leave out capitalization and punctuation, to me that really gives me the feel of being on a computer and typing with a really close friend. I prefer to spell everything out but this poem just has that raw "textspeak" feel which I think really matches your meaning. I love that, I think it's very unique and using correct capitalization and punctuation would've really taken away from the message you were trying to convey. I cannot say enough how awesome that choice was, good for you
My only complaint would be these few lines.
and whose fingers are tapping out one last message
before they pull on their most hated black dress
that will be wet with sweat from the heat of the stage lights
by the end of their school concert this evening.
Hi!
I love the imagery and detail in this brief poem! You make this world within our emails, chats, internet come to life. The only thing I would change would be to capitalize the all of the i's and use stricter punctuation. I love how you have incorporated internet slang into your poem, and how almost everyone who reads this will know exactly what you are talking about. I can't wait to read some more of your work, and good luck with your future endeavors!
~Rascalover
120,216 Literary Works • 649,138 Reviews
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