you handed me them in a stack
and my heart quivered,
I get it,
I know and it aches.
I'll keep them safe until you return,
or maybe one day I'll come and find you.
just know I love you,
and I'll be thinking of you,
as I cradle your books to my chest.
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Canary word: Present
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
I really like the story behind this piece and the way that a reader only gets a small insight into the characters. In only a few lines, you pulled me into the story, which is very difficult to do. The emotion throughout, particularly towards the end was great.
I have a few suggestions that I think would improve this poem. Firstly, capitalizing the word I is very important. Also, adding a little bit more punctuation might help the piece flow a little better. Lastly, I would suggest changing the fourth line to "and I know that it aches."
This was really fun to read, great job!
thanks so much! I'll definitely look into the tings you mentioned
*things. my keyboard hates me.
Since this is obviously a personal and meaningful poem, I don't feel write dissecting is like I normally would do in a review, I hope you don't mind. There's nothing to criticize about it at all anyway, honestly. I love the simplicity and emotions behind this piece- I love the first two lines especially, and how you don't reveal what the "stack" is until the end. The emotions are so strong in this, you communicate that so well. I love this piece, and if this is directly based off true experience then I hope everything's okay/will be okay.
-Elfie
thanks so much.
np =)