The Grimm: The End of Time
Chapter two:fire of magic
I always wonder what Menrow saw in me, to make me a huntsman his green eyes always look so depressed and he's black hair is starting to turn gray he look like he was in his 40s or 50s it was hard to say,I lived on the outskirts of tokyo near the wall as bad as it is for the upper district we lived in the worst part of town no one from the downtown district went to beacon to be a hunter I was handpicked by Menrow, i heard a knock on my door “crow it’s time for school” “coming mother” i said
Beacon was a long way from the downtown it is ten miles from my house. “Hay roorkee how's beacon?”he said “Fine why you ask marko?”I replied “Because you're from the downtown no one from downtown goes to beacon so make you so special?” He said with a angry tone in his voice, “nothing all i did was train hard on like you marko” *wham* I woke up in the nurse office “what happened miss clover?”I said “You were hit by marko draco, why did he hit you crow?” he insulted me so I insulted him “there nothing to be ashamed of living downtown I lived there for many years before coming here but you are the first hunter from there so they're just jealous of you” she said, “i think he's a over all jerk to everyone,thanks miss clover” “you're welcome crow”. “you're late crow” “sorry Mr Menrow”I said “we are all here let's get started class, what are the 3 class of hunters?” “yes crow” menrow said “the 3 class are archter lancer saber” i said “very good crow but this is a trick question there are 6 class not 3 now crow what are the other 3 called?”he ask “mage,gunslinger,and roug”I said “very good crow”he said “wait MR menrow mage what are you talking about?”she said “i’m sorry Jasmin you are the new student if ‘i'm not mistaking?”he ask “yes but why does that matter?”jasmin said in confusion “after class i will fill you in on what you have missed in the last week” jasmin was from the uptown district she had golden hair and red eyes i think she was about 16 or so years old personally I don't understand what mages are but i was going to be a saber so it was on brother of mine about magic or mages it was myth and legend, class let out a hour later “have a good day MR menrow”I said “you to crow” he said “okay jasmin do you know what magic is?” I said “yes of course like in the story” she said “magic is real jasmin why do you think that the grimm stay away from the wall a protection spell was put on that wall to protect us from the grimm” I said “then why do we need hunters if the wall has a protective shield on it?” she said “just in case the wall fails so we have a backup plan hunters are the last line of defence” I said “but about magic?”she said “want me to show you” I said “yes” she replied he started speaking in a foreign language fier started coming out of his hands “oh my god how?” she said
“Magic” menrow said sarcastically “that jasmin is just a small demonstration of magic very few know how to use magic anymore” I said “well mr menrow can you teach me how to be a mage” she said with a inspired tone in her voice “very well then i will teach you jasmin” I said “ thank you menrow” she said leaving the classroom.I left the room down the hall was earin “what are you doing here?” I said “I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with jasmin i told you put your days of being a mage behind you menrow” he said “I can't leave it behind me earin magic must live on I will train jasmin whether you like it or not understood earin” I said in anger “then you better not fail me menrow” he said he left the hall what am i going to do? I thought to myself the way home was long with there being so much on my mind when i went home I like to go to the market to pick up bread and other foods and goods,”what will it be to day Menrow”the shopkeeper said “I need two loaves of bread and one stick of butter and green beans” I said “alright Mr rose here you go,by the way how's the teaching going at the academy?” the shopkeeper said “ok i guess the ambassador keep coming around more and more than usual” I said frustrated “that too bad you know he has always given me the creeps” she said “he has something planned something big and it as to do with the student” I said “very odd very odd indeed” she said “well it's getting yet seay later magert” I said leaving the market, got back to my house and went to bed.I had a dream that night i saw 4 people on a hill one had a red cloak the other had a yellow dress and had one arm the other one had a black dress on and the other had a white dress on who were the people on the hill I always had dream before something bad happens but why I wounder.today was the students day off,”crow where are we going? Jasmin said “hold on we're almost there jasmin” crow said they were by the wall and they stop at a ladder going up the great wall, “were almost to the top jasmin” I said “this is way up here crow!” she said frightened “we made it,look at the view from up here jasmin” I said “this is crazy high crow” she said with a friten sound in her voice “don't worry jasmin you won't fall” “yeah but i’m afraid of height” she said “look at how many grimm there are it's amazing isn't it jasmin” i said “yeah it is, look at that one it looks like an elephant but black” jasmin said “what did menrow want to talk to you about?” I said “he was explaining what magic and mages are that all” jasmin replied “oh I see” I said, “yeah you kids, what are you doing up here!” the wall guard yield “we were just leaving”we said “if i see you up here aging there will be consequences understood!” he said “yes sir” we replied “that was close crow” she said “yeah but it was fun right” I said “yeah it was,i need to get back home seay later crow” jasmin said “bye jasmin” I said I have always know i was different then all the other hunters I had a secret I was infected with some kind of mutation what I first notice was i could see in the dark like a dog or a cat but why what is wrong with me,before I was born there was a sickness that went through tokyo I know it as to do with that somehow, every day I thought about this always but I go back to why ”crow it's time for lunch” she said “coming mother” I said “what for lunch?” I said “it's rice and beef” she said “where did you get the beef?” I said in shock meat was very pricey “Mr Menrow dropped them off, but i have no idea why” she said “menrow? that odd” I said confused on why he would give us food “I don't know why crow but god bless his soul for his gift,your father will be home let aging the wall need some reapers he said on the west side of the wall by the cell blocks” she said “okay”I said. I finished building my weapon, every student as to make their own weapon it as taking me months to build it,it's a spear about 7 feet long the head is made out of black steel and the handle is made out of iron,it is painted red and black lines spiering down it, it was my masterpiece, “it's time to go crow” he said “see you tonight mom and dad” I said leaving the house,me and jasmin like to walk to the academy together,”there something wrong” I said “what is it crow?”she said “look there are police at the academy” I said in worry “officer what happened?” I said “there no school today go home this is a police investigation” the officer said “jasmin something is very wrong here” I said “I know but what can we do?”she said “follow me” I replied “there a back way in up here”I said it was a ventilation hatch “this will take us to Menrow office” I said we got to the office “there no one in here”I said climbing down the office was big and look very old there were a lot of weapons of all kinds the wall was a dark green color with stained trim board “let's go jasmin” I said opening the door “is the hallway clear crow?” she said in worry “yeah it’s clear” I said at the end of the hall as we look around the corner we saw earin and Menrow talking, “you will regret ever teaching her how to use magic now look at what as happened he is dead and it's your fault Menrow!” he said furiously “it was not my fault nor was it jasmin fault someone less in the school know how to use magic pls listen to me!” menrow said, “what is going on and ohs dead?” I said whispering to jasmin“I don't know” jasmin replied “sherife you can go now,I will take care of everything less” earin said “very well ambassador”he said leaving the hall “good day Menrow!” as he slammed the door shut “what am I going to do” menrow said to himself “menrow what happened?” jasmin said entering the hall “how did you get in?” he said in confusion “crow got me in here” jasmin replied “this is not a good day you should leave now jasmin” he said “who died?” we said “it was marko draco that died” he said “what how did he died?” we said in confusion, we never thought the first death in the academy would be him “he was killed by some kind of magic” he said “but you're the only one that know how to use magic” jasmin said “that what I thought to but now I guess i’m not the only one” he said with a deberst sound in his voice “were going to go now bye menrow” we said leaving the way we came in. Menrow sat down in his office “where did I go wrong” he said to himself,remembering back to the great war there were more mages, then what if one survived the war why would he or she attack the academy? There was only one that would attack us, but no she died in the war it cannot be as I look back on my notes from when i was in the war, if there was a chance she was alive this would be very bad as I turn on the TV I put in a disk of the war documents it said on the disk :3-25-2022:Ventres Pathsaging file; it started to play like a bad dream it all came back to me the war and all that happened. “we can't hold the grimm for ever!,how long till the wall is finished in this sector captain Menrow?” the solder said “it will take two more weeks before we can move on to the next sector” I replied it was raining just it had been raining for week everyone was exhausted from the weeks of fighting grimms but the grimm were different then all the rest i have encountered they somehow used advanced strategy to attack,everyone in my unit are mages we were the last order of mages the order of the phoenix, but one used dark magic far too often her name was Venttres she had black hair and purple eyes, somehow i think she had something to do with the attack on the wall but how? One night I followed her into the woods the woods were dark only light was the moonlight glistening down from the trees I followed her for hour or so before she stop the grimms started to surround her but they all stop, she started to speak in ancient nord language and all the grimm started heading for the wall I started running back to camp I got back “everyone incoming grimm!” I said out of berthe from running,we all grabbed our weapons and got information “menrow how did you know they were coming?”second captain mark said “we have been betrayed by ventres she has been using black magic to bring the grimm to attack the wall” I said “I knew it” he replied a flash of light came from the sky “what is that menrow” he said “I don't know what it is” I said the light landed it was ventres “hunters you have two choices, one join me and rule the world as my followers two if you don't I will kill you, take your pick” she said with a grin on her face “you're crazy ventres you are outnumbered even with your grimm and you anrt the first rogue mage I have dealt with now here your choices surrender or die”I said firmly standing my ground “very well you have chosen death then so be it so who will i kill first I think i'll leave you for last menrow so you can see your order fall to ashes” she said grimm started to come out of the tree line “attack!!!!” I said all we could hear was the clashing of are weapons I kept trying to attack ventres there were too many grimms....
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Greetings!

Thomas here.
This is certainly an interesting chapter. It is full of good dialogue and plot, yet it is quite hard to follow due to your paragraph/sentence structure and lack of grammar. That can be easily fixed though. I would recommend going back over what the others have said regarding your previous chapter, it would greatly improve what you have done, though what you have done is already good, it would make it even better!
Well, that is all i can see.
I look forward to reading the next part!
Happy writing.
Thomas
Hey their earth, Samk642 back, and loving how the storyline is being cultivated here!
I really enjoyed reading this and like how menrow has a backstory in this chapter! Also, like how crow is being groomed towards be the main, perhaps?
But I digress, I also want to add some constructive criticism. I have a few annoyances that I would like to point out.
Let the nitpicking commence!!! Again, as in my review of chapter 1, GRAMMAR!!! Not trying to be a grammar nazi, but it does make the story hard to follow. I won't touch much more on it, but just as a side reference, I would love to help you if you ever want me to spell/grammar check, not that I am in anyway saying I'm the best at it, because I screw up a lot! So, onto my main point of criticism, POINT OF VIEW!! I know that grammar and spelling have some of the fault, but indentation is needed when each POV is changed, and also when a new character talks, regardless of POV, because right now your ENTIRE chapter is in threr paragraphs! THREE! Besides do what I just mentioned, when a flashback happens, you need to have a new paragraph for it, or else it seems like the character never changed his train of thought. You need to allow continuity for the reader as well as the created world you are bringing into existence. I would also like to suggest maybe after you write a chapter, have a friend or even some here at YWS read it and give some spelling tips before publishing it!
I know I sounded kind of picky, but I really like where the story is headed, with potential love interest and how you gave crow the support of the reader, with the underdog role! I can't wait to learn more of menrow, and I had to resist until now, I LOVE the star wars reference, nice way to slip it in as a baddies name! Thumbs up and keep writing!
Samk642 out
thanks ill try my best to fix some suff. I thoght no one would would see the star war name ventres.
Most wouldn't, I'm just a HUGE nerd on about everything nerdy, lotr, starward, the works!
by the way this story is based of two defrent fanfiction "black bullet" and "RWBY"
hope you enjoy this new story