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Light and darkness

by captainearth


There is a darkness inside everything, however, there is light in everything as well. It makes me think why is there darkness and light in everything. Then, I look around in the small room and in an instant I figured it out, if there was only darkness then the world would be put into chaos. If there was too much light there would be chaos as well so there had to be a balance of light and dark to the world from going into chaos. Then, I left my room and went to the fridge to get something to eat. I looked out the window and outside there were cars and people--everything one would think of in a big city was there. As I looked, what I saw was how much this world is off balance and how much darkness there was. Then, I left my apartment and went to the park. As I sat on the park bench and looked around the park there was some light but not much. Everything felt cold and dark there was no light anywhere in this city, so I left the city and went to a field in the middle of nowhere and I sat there and looked around. It was nice and I felt happy here and I said to myself is this what balance feels like as I slowly fell asleep I woke up and it was almost night out I went back to my apartment and went to bed thinking how much light and darkness there was in this world. The end


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Wed Aug 31, 2016 2:39 am
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Gymnast2801 wrote a review...



Hi there captain! *salutes* Gymnast2801 reporting for a review!

First off, I have never thought of light and darkness the way you just described. I've actually never put much thought into it, except for the fact that I believe everyone is born pure and good. But I suppose I never thought that light and dark could be balanced in such a way. And you are right about one thing at least, there is a lot of dark in this world at the moment. However, I shouldn't plunge into a long speech about that or else we might be here all night.

As for the reviewing part on your grammar, word choice, extra, I'd say you did well. I didn't find anything misspelled and I think all your punctuations where spot on. My only thing is that towards the middle/early ending of this paragraph, I feel like you move too swiftly almost and you rush the topic and what you are trying to explain. It's okay to take your time. Also, I think you could break your paragraph up some because right now, it's just one large chunk of writing. However, I don't think it's 100% necessary to break it up, but you can if you feel like it or have extra time. Oh, and one last thing: add a period after 'The end' to finish off your paragraph.

Overall, nice job and a very interesting view of your topic (in a good way)! Keep of writing!
~ Gymnast2801 signing out.




captainearth says...


thanks



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Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:17 am
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mkphoenix wrote a review...



Hello! Thanks for the follow!

Alright, first off, the concept of this is amazing. Such an interesting topic and what a captivating thing to write about?!

So the first thing I noticed about this, is that it lacks some originality. Yes, I could tell very well that your thoughts were being put into this and it was all in this person's point of view. However, it wasn't exactly descriptive. Some of the repetitive words can be replaced with synonyms or even just little adjectives that let the reader try to figure out what they are. But over all the writing was amazing.

One last thing. Don't be afraid to draw it out a little more. I would love to hear more about the scenery or even more in depth to what the person is thinking.

Awesome job on this.

Keep Writing,
MK




captainearth says...


thank you for this review as of now i,m making a new short story like this one could 'gray sky' and yes I'll be fixing the grammar whit this story later on.



katiekat14 says...


Yes I agree with mkphoenix



captainearth says...


so do i katie



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Sun Sep 06, 2015 1:44 am
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chhlovebooks says...



You use an interesting idea my friend, one that has been debated for centuries. Good job, but I think listening to your criticism and editing appropriately would be a good way to make your story even better. Thank you for following me!




captainearth says...


np



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Sun Aug 30, 2015 1:57 am
elysian wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

ooooookaaaaayyyy.

So first off, please don't get offended by anything I'm about to say, I tend to be lil harsh when editing/reviewing. I'm just trying to help you become a better writer :-)

So first thing I notice is this huge chunk of writing. https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/606/01/

This article can help with that. I know YWS sometimes does weird formatting when you publish things so I understand if that's what happened. Just make it more appealing to the eye, more organized.

It makes me think why is there darkness and light in everything.


This should be, "It makes me think, why is there darkness and light in everything?"

or, " It makes me think-why is there darkness and light in everything?"

Also, "Then" is repetitive. unless "then" is an important symbol in this piece, I would try using different transition words.

chaos is too repetitive. if it was more spaced out I would've been okay with it but it's too close together.

Okay. So this is a good idea, but there's really no spice or originality. It's first I did this, then I did this, then I thought this...etc. I need more of a story...more variation and more spice.

I know that you've already had many reviews and in my opinion, if I've repeated something that someone else has said, then obviously something needs to be fixed.

There's no real story line to this, and no character complexity. I want to relate to the character but I can't, and that makes it harder for me to understand how he's feeling and the concept behind this. I've read what you said to Holysocks and I understand that you want this to be more about the point rather than the character, and if that's so than maybe take the character out all together? More like a monologue or just writing about light and darkness. It would help.

Mostly the only things wrong here are paragraphing, some grammar, and just overall more thinking and depth should be put into this. I'd love to see this if/when you edit it!

hope this helps ~

Del




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Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:09 pm
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Holysocks says...



Hello my friend! I am here, as requested! ^_^

I really liked the idea behind this piece! I often think about the balance of good and bad while trying to understand people and how we all think and act. I find it interesting that everything has flaws, you know? Like most people are trying their best to be as good as they can, yet there's still darkness somewhere within them. Sometimes it's a scary thought- and sometimes it's actually very comforting to know you're not the only one that makes mistakes, and it also is helpful to know that most people have some good in them, as well.

It was nice and I felt happy here and I said to myself is this what balance feels like as I slowly fell asleep I woke up and it was almost night out I went back to my apartment and went to bed thinking how much light and darkness there was in this world. The end


I love that the character found peace with his thoughts at the end! But I feel like this ending sentence should actually be three sentences! It's super easy to fix, here's how it would look:

It was nice and I felt happy here and I said to myself is this what balance feels like as I slowly fell asleep. I woke up and it was almost night out. I went back to my apartment and went to bed thinking how much light and darkness there was in this world. The end

Like I said, I really enjoyed the thought behind this! But I'd like to know more! Maybe if you expanded some of this a bit, describe the fear the character has towards his philosophical thoughts. I'd also like to know a bit more about your character; who are they? What made them think all these deep thoughts- did something bad happen in their live that triggered this, if so, what? There seems to be a lot of conflicting feelings in this story that make me wonder what's really going on in this person's life.

Keep it up, bro! I hope to see more works from you, mister. ;)

-Socks




captainearth says...


to be honest i didn't want my character to have a plot to his self but more to give a point more then anything about how much are world is polluted and how the world is so in balance so i only had a character so there would be some in the story "note" i made this in 25 minutes all my story are going to be like this a short story whit a point about the world hope this helps you under stand it more.



Holysocks says...


I see! ^_^



captainearth says...


i ment to say "some one in the story"



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Mon Aug 24, 2015 12:01 am
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RubyRed wrote a review...



Hey captainearth. I'm here for a review as requested. I hope I didn't have you on pins and needles waiting too long. :D I will try to make this as professional as possible so, I will start out with corrections first then I'll praise your work! ;)

There is a darkness inside everything


Nothing is wrong here really it just would sound more pleasing if you took the a before darkness away.

It makes me think why is there darkness and light in everything.


There are two ways to correct this simple error. You can change it or you can add quotation marks around it to make it sound as if you're talking aloud.

1st option:

It makes me wonder why there is darkness and light in everything.

2nd option:

It makes me think, "Why is there darkness and light in everything?"

Then, I look around in the small room and in an instant I figured it out, if there was only darkness then the world would be put into chaos.


This is okay. Just make sure you put a period after "out" so it's not a R.O.

Then, I left my room and went to the fridge to get something to eat.


This is okay but since this is a book or short piece you should add more description to make the reader feel or experience what you experienced or felt.

I looked out the window and outside there were cars and people--everything one would think of in a big city was there.


Since you said "I looked out the window" you don't have to have "outside".

As I looked, what I saw was how much this world is off balance and how much darkness there was.


This confused me until I took away "what" and "was".

Then, I left my apartment and went to the park. As I sat on the park bench and looked around the park there was some light but not much.


Okay, one thing I'd like to warn you of is the excessive use of "Then" at the beginning of your sentences. It's very good to use that form but if you do it too much it starts to sound boring. And since you said you went to a park and sat on a park bench you don't have to restate that you're at a park again.

It was nice and I felt happy here and I said to myself is this what balance feels like as I slowly fell asleep I woke up and it was almost night out I went back to my apartment and went to bed thinking how much light and darkness there was in this world. The end


This didn't feel very complete. Writers block? I think you should redo this or look over it careful and try to notice what it's missing because I'm not the writer so I cant really grasp what it's missing but I feel it is. Oh, and "The End" felt very nice because I barely see people using that lately. Overall it was fairly good. I loved the concept and the moral the person has in this story. Cheers! I'd like to review some more of your works in the future.

P.s. I hope that wasn't too long of a review. :P

~WW Ssssttttaaayyyyy sssssuuuuupppppeeeerrrrr!




captainearth says...


thank you for this great review



RubyRed says...


You're welcome.



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Wed Aug 19, 2015 9:45 am
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ShadicMasters wrote a review...



This short story really captures the world. By giving a question like "why is there darkness and light in everything" makes the reader really think, then by giving your own answer you give the reader something to help them make their own conclusion.

But what i liked about this little story was how you gave a distinct difference between light and dark and how if they were inbalanced the world would be in chaos.

Keep up the good work, but i think you should make some of the sentences a bit shorter. By having the sentence smaller, you give the reader a time to think about what they just read




captainearth says...


thank you for this great review



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Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:55 pm
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Love says...



Interesting :) Keep writing yo! ^_^




captainearth says...


thank you



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Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:16 pm
tigeraye wrote a review...



I like the meaning behind this. There a couple of grammatical mistakes (an awkward second sentence, the last sentence is way too long and needs some commas), but the whole message behind it is really great, and there's a lot of strength behind your dialogue.

It was nice and I felt happy here and I said to myself is this what balance feels like as I slowly fell asleep I woke up and it was almost night out I went back to my apartment and went to bed thinking how much light and darkness there was in this world.


This is just how I'd change that last sentence...

It was nice; I felt happy here. I said to myself, "Is this what balance feels like?". As I slowly fell asleep, I woke up and it was almost night out. I went back to my apartment and went to bed, thinking how much light and darkness there was in this world.


Hope you decide to share more writing, this was a really cool piece.




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Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:10 pm
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SoundsOfLife says...



This is so awesome!





The human heart has hidden treasures, in secret kept, in silence sealed...
— Charlotte Bronte