The Rock Hound 'Chapter One'

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Hmm, this was certainly a very interesting chapter that you've got right here. Its got a lot happening within it at any rate. And all those things seem pretty interesting, and I think it does do its job quite well as a first chapter in establishing a bit of a mystery for a reader to want to read on.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Hello,my name is Jake and I’m a rock collector I have always loved rocks and fossils

And just loved to walk around and find fossils in the riverbeds I loved the Midwest

It had so meany fossils an agate and other gemsstones, but some thing just aren’t

Post to be found some thing should stay were they are.

one day walking down to the river

I went to every week as I walk I saw something in the distant shying it was a every strange

Rock like one I never seen before it was the size of I’m hand it had strange markings on the sides of it, it was some kind of Indian artifact I tock it home and look at it whit a magnifying glass its was every old I look it up on the web it was a spell stone used for cursing it was not

A Indian artifact like I thought it was a Celtic stone but why was it in the river? I ask my self

Then I put it in a box under my bed that night I had a every bad dream about the stone and

Why it was there.

The next week I went back to the were I found the stone so I stared digging

And I found another stone just like the last one this is every odd I said to my self on the stone the markings were deferent then the last one its all most like a puzzle I have found two out fore they are both triangular in shape, so I kept on digging then I found a round stone plate

That had the same markings as the last two but it look like the two I had would fit in it I put the first one in and nothing happened, so I went back to my room and got the second one in

And it stared to glow blue and purple colors then stop “what the heck just happened” I said to

My self, I put stone plate under the bed and did not want to open it aging after what just happened….

This seemed a little amateurish, if I'm honest. It could use some work. I mean, the intent and the plot seem interesting enough, but the grammar and spelling issues make it difficult to like it for what it's trying to do.

Some things I took issue with (among other things):

-"Hello,my name is Jake and I’m a rock collector I have always loved rocks and fossils" An introduction like this shouldn't be used as often as it is. It's justified if you put it in a journal of some sort, or if your audience is children who can handle that sort of thing, but I don't see any of those things in this work. Maybe try having a second character point out his name, while also lampshade of his little obsession?

-"It had so meany fossils an agate and other gemsstones" So many fossils and agate (?) and other gemstones

-"Post to be found some thing should stay were they are" Supposed to be found. Some things should stay where they are.

-"I saw something in the distant shying it was a every strange" I saw something in the distance shining. It was a very strange rock.

-"it was some kind of Indian artifact I tock it home and look at it whit a magnifying glass" It was some kind of Indian artifact I took it home and looked at it with a magnifying glass.

And some other issues I won't highlight.

Overall, interesting concept, needs a better execution.

Signing out--EM.

Hello it's writer12345 here to give a review!

This is an interesting start. I like the way you introduced the main character. And the explanation about the fossils and stuff hinted out where this story is going. Good job!!

I found a few small mistakes in your story, I'll try my best to show them out (my grammar is not that good, sorry)

First of all you haven't used full stops to end sentences.


"Hello I’m name is Jake and I’m a rock collector I have always loved rocks and fossils

And just loved to walk around and find fossils in the riverbeds I loved the Midwest"

In this paragraph you could add a full stops like this,
'Hello, my name is Jake and I'm a rock collector. (then start the other part.) I have always loved rocks and fossils, and I just loved to walk around and find fossils in the riverbeds. "
*There should be a comma after 'hello'
*the first 'I'm' should be 'my'


And next, there were a few places where I got a little confused.

I loved the Midwest (There should be a semicolon here) it had so mean(here it should be many) fossil(fossils) an(The 'an' which should be 'and' is not that necessary)agate and other gems stones (gemstones is one word)

Here's the corrected one,
I loved the Midwest; it ha so many fossils, Agate and other gemstones.

See, this is just one small part of the story. I can review your whole story and correct it for you if you want. If you need me to do so, just let me know okay?

This is a pretty short review, but I can do an in depth review if you want.
This is an interesting story and it can be improved.

Never stop writing and have a good day!!!

longest page i ever done hope you enjoy it