Wednesday February 20th
Asked Jesus about the noises last night and while I didn’t really get a direct answer, he mentioned something about a musical project he was working on. Yeah, I have no clue what the heck he was doing armpit farts for, but I’ll just ignore this. I have other things to focus on.
Friday February 22nd
Sales have gone drastically up for our geeky little store since its slow beginning. Being in charge of inventory, I try to stay on top of which new books, comics, board games and popular geek culture accessories we should take in or not. It’s a task fitting for me.
Today we even got our own cleaning lady, pretty awesome news. I think her name was Ellie, but we all agreed we were probably just going to call her Consuela. Sadly though, she’s not Hispanic.
Saturday February 23rd
Was at the grocery store with Jesus today and while I was getting milk I saw him in the fruit section, fondling bananas. Weirder and weirder, what have I gotten myself into?
Tuesday February 26th
You know that hat that the pope has? If you push that down and twist it, candy comes out.
Jesus stole this joke from me today and he told it to this girl I like, right in front of me!
Granted, I stole the joke from Sean Lock, but still; he’s starting to get to me.
Thursday February 28th
Not much to write about today. Jesus did say I was going to betray him though. Not sure what that was about.
Sunday March 3rd
Jeff Goldblum in my shower! Jeff Goldblum! In my shower!
That dickwhistle teleported Jeff Goldblum into my shower today, I have no words to express how messed up this is. I guess I pissed him off earlier when I took some hay from his hay pile while he was sleeping, but my chinchilla was out of food and I didn’t bother going to the store.
Never really seen him use his powers like this, so I’ll be lying low, trying to steer clear of him for a while. I had a good talk with Jeff Goldblum though; guy is hung like a horse.
Tuesday April 17th
Okay, it’s been quite a while since my last entry now, I’ve been quite busy and to be honest; very disturbed. Although the store is going pretty solid now, things with Jesus have taken a turn for the worse. He’s a complete mental!
As previously documented, he has turned out to be a complete weirdo, becoming more and more disturbing by the day. But now it has gotten out of hand. He keeps messing with my head, edging me on and it generally seems like he hates me.
Every time we talk, he makes snarky comments about me being a sinner. Meanwhile, he keeps on smoking weed, lying to his family and dabbling in human trafficking. At this point I’m afraid to confront him on it or even rat him out.
He eats my food and turns my beer into Gatorade. Again and again he also keeps mentioning that I’m going to betray him. I thought I had already done that.