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Jeff's Diary

by birk


Friday February 8th

Dear Diary

My name is Jeff, I am 22 years old and I run a small retail store with a few friends.

Today is February 8th; we had our grand opening one week ago. Disappointing so far, but let’s stay optimistic.

I live in the city, renting a pretty neat apartment on the top floor with a pretty sweet view. It’s been only a few days since I moved from my old flat to this new place, as I decided to move in with this guy my older brother knew who was looking for a roommate. So I now share this place with a flat mate, and I was pretty open to the idea, it seemed fun.

I guess I still have to warm up to this guy though, I didn’t really know much about him other than the teachings of Christianity and the things my brother told me. But so far he seems okay, though he has a pretty weird name; Jesus. And he’s the son of God. So I guess he has that going for him.

He’s attending the nearby university, where as far as I know yet, he only has art classes. I’ll know more by tonight, it’s the first time we’ll hang out. I’m making tacos.

Never been much of a diary or journal guy, but I’m going to try to stick with it.

Saturday February 9th

Another quiet day at work today, we only made a handful of sales. We keep saying word of mouth is going to get us customers, but I’ve got my doubts. I’d say we’re soon making some changes, but who knows.

Spent last night with Jesus though, that was definitely interesting. We had tacos and watched Life of Brian. He actually admitted that the first time he spoke to the gathering of people; he screwed up and actually said “Blessed are the cheesemakers”. Pretty sure he’s just pulling my leg.

Not sure yet what to think of him though. First off, he smokes weed, that’s just a bad habit. Secondly, he’s apparently into black metal. This is unacceptable.

Hopefully my good taste will rub off on him.

Monday February 11th

I don’t want to write about work today. Not much to write about. However, the Grammys were last night and I spent most of this evening discussing it with Jesus.

As for me, I am pretty satisfied with this year’s award show. Out of the categories I care about, I only felt two went wrong. Wanted Jack White to get some more love and the Journey soundtrack should have won. Other than that, I’m all good.

Jesus on the other hand, was pissed off. He wanted Hunter Hayes to win all his nominations. He got none. I have to say, I don’t have too many complaints about country music’s answer to Justin Bieber not getting a win, but still, he’s quite a charming guy and has way more talent than Bieber himself. He also looks a lot like Joffrey Baratheon from Game of Thrones, which would make any fan want to punch this guy.

We we’re both pretty disappointed there weren’t any big controversies this year. They are always a blast. Chris Brown did try to deliver again as usual though, but he didn’t go all out this year. Very disappointing, yet it felt good to see Frank Ocean win over him.

Going to listen to The Black Keys tonight, not too impressed yet so I guess they need to grow on me.

Tuesday February 19th

I can’t sleep tonight, there are strange noises coming from Jesus’s room. It’s a very odd noise; I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s faint, I have definitely heard it before and for some reason I’m smirking. But what the hell is he doing? And why now in the middle of the night – wait - is he practicing armpit farts? Oh my god, is this really happening?

Alright, well he just yelled at me through the wall not to take his father’s name in vain. I’m done, logging off for a fap.


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User avatar
416 Reviews


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Sun Jul 28, 2013 12:58 am
Willard wrote a review...



Please tell me this is real jesus. Remer Mandrake Strangelove here.
I like this, humor I like.
Overall, good job!
-Siskel Thumbs up-
Not much to say to this.
It's weird.
So yeah
Keep Writing!




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Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:27 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Overall, I enjoyed this and thought it was pretty funny. I would like to know what sort of items Jeff sells in his store ("retail" could mean anything).

I'd also think Jesus would be rooting for Carrie Underwood, since she has songs like "Jesus Take the Wheel". She won a lot so I think he'd be pleased. I also don't know about tying this to such a specific time point, as I feel the story could happen in pretty much any modern time-setting.

You said there's more coming, and I'm looking forward to it. I kind of agree with guineapiggirl that there's more room for Bible references. Like does he run around randomly defending people then telling them to "Go, and sin no more"? Get into an argument with a preacher/televangelist? I'd also like to know the backstory...how did Jesus end up here?

Good job, and keep writing! :)




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Wed Feb 13, 2013 9:58 am
guineapiggirl wrote a review...



Hi! Welcome to YWS!
I don't quite get this story. I think the character of Jeff is quite interesting. I like all the little bits about the retail store and stuff.
It's just the rest of it that I don't get; how is this guy Jesus?

First off, he smokes weed, that’s just a bad habit. Secondly, he’s apparently into black metal. This is unacceptable.

What? Why on earth is he smoking weed? I just don't get that. Or the black metal. That's just quite random...

He’s attending the nearby university, where as far as I know yet, he only has art classes.

Again, random. Why would Jesus be doing arts at uni? If we look at the Bible, we've got Joseph being a carpenter and Jesus following his trade for a bit, he hangs out with loads of fishermen. So by the sound of things he'd do something more practical? If he were to be at uni, he might be taking Theology. Because he goes and talks about the Scriptures with all of those priests in the temple when he's 12. Or English or something, because he tells a lot of stories.

Jesus on the other hand, was pissed off. He wanted Hunter Hayes to win all his nominations.

I googled Hunter Hayes and I don't really get why this would be. I figured Hunter Hayes was a Christian? Another random thing.

And why now in the middle of the night – wait - is he practicing armpit farts?

WHAT ON EARTH?

Alright, well he just yelled at me through the wall not to take his father’s name in vain.

OK, this is the only thing you've said that makes sense.

Basically, when writing a thing like this, I'd have thought you'd need loads of Biblical references and modern versions of stuff that Jesus actually did. At the moment, this story is just about a guy called Jeff sharing a flat with some random guy who happens to be called Jesus. I just think that if you're going to do a story about Jesus, make it actually about Jesus?

Now onto grammar:

We we’re both pretty disappointed there weren’t any big controversies this year.

You mean were, not we're (the abbreviated form of we are).

Also, commas. You've used the commas quite confusedly. I'll take a few examples and give you a link:

He’s attending the nearby university, where as far as I know yet, he only has art classes.

What you've got here is a subordinate clause. When you take the subordinate clause out, the sentence should still make sense. Here it would be: He's attending the nearby university he only has art classes. This isn't correct. The comma should be after the where. Got it?
You've got loads of just slightly wrong commas in here. Here's a link: http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp
that site's got everything (and more) you need to know about commas.
Other than the commas, your grammar's good- nice use of the apostrophe, I see. Bravo- and you've got a good writing style.
I hope I've helped and you don't think I've been too harsh :D




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Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:04 am
birk says...



Pretty weird stuff. During one of the many nights I struggle to sleep, I for some reason got this idea into my mind. I wrote down so many funny scenarios that had me laughing and it was such a blast to write them. Spent several hours on this before hitting the sack.

But i actually want to write a diary about it, so I can explore how the relationship starts and how it develops into Jesus being this crazy asshole which I have already written a lot of scenarios or entries about.


Entering the text into this work, the lining is uneven. Very annoying. Adjusted it as best i could.





If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.
— Neil Gaiman