Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Other » Humor


Jeff's Diary: The Book of Shadows

by birk


Friday May 24th

It’s Friday night and I decided to finally check out the latest episodes of my series tonight, but Jesus spoiled the ending to Fox’s “The Following”. Apparently the entire world except for Kevin Bacon is secretly a cult member. Hard to believe the series could get even more ridiculous, but I’ll stick with it. It’s good for comedic effect. Hopefully the President kills the Vice President with nun chucks on live TV in the series finale.

Saturday May 25th

“And you can see the daisies in her footsteps

Dandelions, butterflies

I wanna be Kate”

It’s been almost a month since I started seeing Kate and I’m making her dinner tonight, trying to be all romantic and stuff. Got Ben Folds Five’s “Kate” ready in to play on the speakers, I’m wondering if that might be cheesy, or weird.

Hopefully I’m getting lucky.

Sunday May 26th

I DID NOT GET LUCKY!

I can’t believe this, but Jesus actually manages to screw me, even when he’s not around!

At this point I’ll have to get lucky with myself.

Alright, I had Kate over last night and things started out great. She even loved the BFF song, because she got good taste. However, as things were about to get funky, everything went to hell.

Strolling into my bedroom, I was met with a terrible sight. All the walls were lined with pro Christianity posters, all promoting celibacy, abstinence and marriage. In the center of all these posters was a huge banner which read: “Jeff, you are not the messiah, I am, and you are a very naughty boy!” I thought to myself, this is it, the “all is lost” moment.

Kate naturally left and I had to resort to a cold shower. I’m not sure where the J-Man actually is tonight, but when he returns, I’m going to kill him.

Monday May 27th

Okay, so Jesus finally arrived home again late this night, having been away for over a day. I was waiting for him, but he immediately went into the bathroom. Pissed as I was, I followed him.

Bad idea, I walked in to find him nude, standing on top of a puddle of water in the shower, filled to the brim. He gave me a nasty look and said “Very naughty”. Suddenly reminded of how he screwed me, as well as the fact that he now taunted me with it, I yelled at him “Go to hell, asshole!” and stormed out. As I closed the door behind me I heard him yell back; “I’m already in hell! Why do you think the big cheese banished me here?!”

I didn’t know he was banished here, I suppose he’s pretty bummed about that. Heaven must be pretty awesome if Earth is hell in comparison. Or wait, maybe this is hell? It would explain why Bieber is popular and how so many ridiculous things get fame or recognition.

Pretty cool that the walking on water thing is real though, but I guess within the realms of my world now, it’s not that farfetched. Jesus has done much bigger things, and worse. Lastly, there is something I need to be on the lookout for: when I exited the bathroom I distinctly remember not seeing the J-Man’s reflection in the mirror. Yes, it may just be stupid Jesus “magic” again, but I can’t rule out the option that he might be a vampire.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
416 Reviews


Points: 775
Reviews: 416

Donate
Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:20 pm
Willard wrote a review...



I imagine that one diary that Jeff grabs a club and bludgeons Jesus. Gets fed up
I mean I would
Wait, Jeff is already way way fed up
Well, Good job like usual
This is now my favorite series in the whole YWS community
Good job!
9.4/10
Good job
Keep writing!




User avatar
1417 Reviews


Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:52 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi they!

I haven't read the other parts you have of this, but I am going to review it anyway. Hopefully wont be missing anything important.

"It's Friday night and I decided finally to check out the latest episodes of my series tonight, but Jesus spoiled the ending to Fox's "The following"
*I find the first part of the sentence a little strange. Maybe you should leave the part out about it being a Friday especially since the narrator wrote it on the heading already. And then you could say "Tonight I finally decided to catch up on my favorite series, "The Following". But Jesus already ruined the ending". It sounds better this way.

I like how you started off the post on Sunday. "I DID NOT GET LUCKY". I thought it was really funny. But good job with that because I feel like that's exactly how someone would describe that night in their diary. They wouldn't be all formal about it. So good job at making this piece realistic.

The part about earth being well because of Justin Bieber was pretty funny too.

Overall this is a good piece. It's very funny and written well. Two thumbs up!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




Noelle says...


*there. Should be hi there, not hi they. Stupid auto correct



birk says...


Oh dang! Why would I write It's Friday night when it's already in the headlining? How stupid of me.

Thanks, Noelle ;)



User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 2191
Reviews: 33

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2013 3:06 pm
rwgbookwriter wrote a review...



Your voice certainly made this an enjoyable read, even if there wasn't any discernible or logical plot. I can't decide whether this should be labelled as a postmodernist experiment or an unfinished religious commentary. Either way, more detailed entries are a clear step to take in improving this piece.

thought that the fact that this was a diary was pretty cool since I don't see too many of those. The only thing is that if you're going to do a diary type thing you need to do a bit more explaining, I was pretty confused throughout this entire story.




User avatar
504 Reviews


Points: 21355
Reviews: 504

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2013 3:42 am
Kafkaescence wrote a review...



Your voice certainly made this an enjoyable read, even if there wasn't any discernible or logical plot. I can't decide whether this should be labelled as a postmodernist experiment or an unfinished religious commentary. Either way, more detailed entries are a clear step to take in improving this piece. Rather than delineating the entire day, Jeff settles on one scene--often an uninteresting one, such as watching television or preparing for a date--and it makes for shallow storytelling.

-Kafka




User avatar
229 Reviews


Points: 11589
Reviews: 229

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2013 12:48 am
SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...



Okay, so I thought that the fact that this was a diary was pretty cool since I don't see too many of those. The only thing is that if you're going to do a diary type thing you need to do a bit more explaining, I was pretty confused throughout this entire story. The fact that this was short was nice, short makes things easier to read and IDK why but more enjoyable.





There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
— Christopher Darlington Morley