Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Tuesday May 7th
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid? The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Penis.
Fuck my life! Jesus broke into my cpc last night and wrote in my diart. I would remove it, but that asshat removed the backspace key, poured yogurt in its place and replaced my mouse with a dead rat. So this entry and maybe some next ones mighy be full of typos. Why do I put up with this jerk? Just rememer to avenge this unholy deed!
Thursday May 9th
Went out and got a new keyboard and mouse, very annoying. As retaliation I replaced Jesus’s sandals with crocs. I may not be as maniacally evil as he is, but crocs are one of the ugliest things ever created.
Wednesday May 15th
Tonight was poker night, I had fun.
The J-man invited some friends over and we played poker, ate some chips and had a few beers. I continually checked my beer though, making sure it’s still beer and not Gatorade.
Jesus did bring some weird friends, but still, I knew and had heard of two of them. First off there was Greg, never heard of him but he’s a solid guy. Then there was famous Japanese crazy man Mitsuo Matayoshi, who is actually a pretty cool dude. Lastly there was Judas, old friend of Jesus from the Bible. He had a really bad poker face.
Friday May 17th
Today is May 17th, the national day of Norway. I celebrated by flicking paperclips at random customers.
Jesus on the other hand, was unaware of this country’s existence.
Tuesday May 21st
Alright, was I ready for another wacky day with the J-man’s crazy antics? No, I was not.
Stayed up a bit too late last night and woke up early afternoon. Walking into the living room, I found none other than John Travolta duct taped to a chair. Several months ago I would have freaked out, but today, I barely flinched. The J-man is corrupting my brain, as he has done too many over the years. I hope I don’t end up as Andy Dick did. I’d never forgive Jesus.
I was about to pull of the tape covering his mouth when Jesus walked in on me, carrying a copy of Battlefield Earth and wearing his usual “My Little Pony” t-shirt. I proceeded to ask him why Travolta was here, trying to cope with how his drug addled mind worked.
“I’m curing this man of insanity.” That was his entire reply. He merely asked me to leave a couple of minutes later. He seemed to be setting up a projector of some kind. I could only imagine what he was about to do, maybe some Clockwork Orange scenario.
Before I left, I tried to explain that this man was not insane, but the J-man ignored me and once again sent me for the door. Out in the hall I noticed a lot of other things not supposed to be there. Among them a dreadlock wig, Viagra pills, the Necronomicon, a brightly colored jumpsuit and Tom Cruise. I quickly asked him for an autograph and was out the door.
When I returned not long ago, everything seemed to be back to normal here. I checked the entire place and I only found something that might be bloodstains on the bathtub floor, but I’m not sure about that. Checking the news, I found some articles about how photos of a ragged Cruise returning to his home had surfaced. Found nothing on Travolta though, but I guess no one cares.
Might check that bathtub again though.