Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Wednesday May 29th
I think I’ve mended the damage Jesus did to my relationship with Kate. After several conversations about Jesus and how ludicrous he is, she seems to accept the fact that I’m not a batshit crazy douche, but rather a standup guy. Maybe.
All in all good, but there has been some backlash though. I think I somehow planted a bad seed in her mind. I think she might want me to move in with her sooner rather than later. While that might sound nice at first glance, it’s not really something I’m up for at this point in my life. Isn’t it very soon as well?
Perhaps I’ll conjure up some excuse I can use to make things remain as they are when she eventually brings it up. Could I make up a psycho who has it out for me? If there were threats that he would blow up my building if I strayed away from it too long at a time, she’d have to understand, right?
Maybe the J-Man would play along.
Saturday June 1st
Got one of my favorite songs playing; “Congo” by Genesis and Kate doesn’t seem to like it. I’ve tried to teach her the art of good music, but she won’t let go of sub-par acts like Kesha and Lady Gaga. Hopefully I’ll nudge her along soon; maybe the new reincarnated Snoop Lion will even help.
Wednesday June 5th
Today was hilarious; I’m not sure when I last laughed so much.
I was flipping through channels when I passed a televangelist show and I quickly switched back to it as I think I saw something weird. And yes, I sure did. Standing in the middle of a church littered with people was Jesus, having a loudmouthed argument with a preacher.
At the point when I tuned in, they were throwing insults at each other and the preacher even took Gods name in vain, to which Jesus yelled at him not to take his father’s name in vain. The preacher often gestured to the bible he held in his hands, apparently trying to combat arguments in the heated standoff. But as they argued back and forth for several minutes, the preacher suddenly rushed out the door in an angry fit, leaving Jesus to oddly enough finish the sermon.
After it ended, I slapped myself for not recording this. But no harm done, it was already on youtube the following day. I made multiple hilarious comments and also shared the clip on Facebook, to the J-Man’s chagrin. Sadly, he has now unfriended me. I will not miss his daily posts from lolcat, but I’ll miss the shares he gets from other religious idols and deities such as Muhammad and Joseph Smith. Apparently they enjoy a lot of pork at Burger King.
Tuesday June 11th
Ran into Steve Guttenberg today, he was nice. I miss that guy; someone should put him in a sitcom. All-round badass, love Mahoney.
Thursday June 13th
I’m really not sure how to react or deal with this, hell, who knows if I’m even awake right now? Maybe it’s some weed induced dream.
Massive fan of Game of Thrones that I am, I was shocked to wake up to certain casting news for the series. According to several reports, as well as the douche himself, Jesus J. Christ has been cast as Rhaegar Targaryen. It’s a small role, only to appear in flashbacks, but the fact that the J-Man will appear as the brother of Daenerys, which is my favorite character, is just not cool.
Who did he even blow to get this part?