Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Friday April 19th
Jesus trolled me today. He came into the living room and stood before me, blocking the TV. He then put a small button controller in my lap and said “This button destroys the entire universe. I’m going to my dad for the weekend, see you Sunday.” OH MY GOD. He’s an evil genius.
I put the button on the table beside me and return my attention to the TV. Every now and then I would glance at the controller beside me, sweat forming above my brows before swiftly shifting my eyes back. This asshole is not going to get to me.
Saturday April 20th
I’m home alone at my computer tonight. Browsing through my latest updates on Facebook, I saw a couple of stories that upset me. My brother apparently loves a new Rob Zombie movie and a female friend of mine is “addicted” to some new Justin Bieber song and is going to, quote; “stalk this badboi, is not bad, hes my future husband after all lolz”. I sit there in silence for maybe three minutes.
Fuck it, I pressed the button.
Nothing happened. The J-man apparently endorses psychological torture. I’m very tired, going to bed now.
Wednesday April 24th
Today was a good day. Asked out Kate, the girl I like, and she agreed to come with me to a concert. I’m very excited.
It’s not all sunshine and roses though; the concert we are going to is the project Jesus was working on. How in the name of Zeus’s butthole am I going to explain what this concert is really about?
Well, the concert is tomorrow, I guess I’ll just act surprised.
Thursday April 25th
Okay, this is going to sound insane, but this was the most amazing armpit fart concert I have even been to.
The clarity of the sounds, the rhythm he could carry so effortlessly and the pure musical talent he portrayed was unbelievable. Jesus was simply astounding.
Kate loved it too, as did the rest of the audience. About 300 people showed up and they were all spellbound from the very first tone. During the night he performed an entire set consisting of 7 songs, some of them among the most romantic music I have heard. It was magical.
Again, I know it sounds insane, but don’t judge without having heard it for yourselves. The J-man earned a lot of respect from me today.
Saturday April 27th
Hung out with Kate today, over at her place though, as she is very uncomfortable having Jesus around. Very understandable, seeing as she was first introduced to him after watching him perform an encore of armpit related songs.
Sunday April 28th
There was a rocket launcher leaning up against the wall beside the toilet today. Why the hell would it be there? Hell if I know, I just return it and ask no questions.