What do you do?

Hey! I wouldn't mind reviewing this piece at all . In fact, I like the idea of it. Although there is a concern I have. The poem asks the reader what they would do instead of directly delivering the emotion behind the piece. It doesn't relay the message clearly because it's asking questions rather than actually stating what a person would do or how a person would act. I think it would be best if you wrote it in a perspective rather than plain questions. In this way, I think the poem would be much stronger.

If you really want to keep it this way, there is not much that it is lacking except for proper punctuations and few extensions in expressing the poem. I love the line, "or when your eyesight is marred with tears."

I hope I enlightened you ^_^
- RainGrae

While I can accept that the rhetoric question is supposed to make us ponder our response, I don't often like it when poetry poses a question for us to ponder instead of guiding us through a single scene, emotion, or metaphor towards the same question.

Someone famous once said that poetry is a conversational journey and the poet's job is to guide themselves and a reader from point A to point B. For instance, Dorthy taking Toto from Kansas to Oz but only with language. I've found it hard to believe that we all start in Kansas, but poetry typically does take us somewhere, and that is the job of a transition in the middle or end of the poem. This poem is lacking a transition, instead, we only get the question, without any real walk from place A to B. Instead, it is like a dog sitting on a porch, just sitting there.

To make the dog walk, or follow you, I would suggest changing to imagery of what your speaker would do when this happens to them. Write a poem about them searching for someone to rely on, or hiding from people who need too much help. Write a poem about a butterfly who can't find anywhere to land, and drowning in a puddle at the end, but that puddle is release from the suffering of constantly getting rained on, because beneath that puddle, there is nothing bashing against it's wings. Draw out your creativiTea like that.

I do like the question though, I just want to see your answer instead. Also this poem reminded me a lot of Daddy by Sylvia Plath.

Hello there here is a me with a review for you remember that this is for review day so it will not be to big.

Hopes it helped.

OK you did great but you did not put any punctuation in here like none at all.

But it was good really good you should not have made so many spaces too.

I wish I could say more about this to help but I am having a hard time to think of stuff to say and my internet is a little jumpy.

Until later "Good bye and may god be with you."

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~

Hope it helped you out.

Forgive me if I rambled.

I love it. <3 Grammatically, it lacks, but I love the image it creates. The emotion it instills upon the reader is just so beautiful. Rhetorical questions make your mind wander to amazing places.

I like the raw emotion of this piece, and I felt a good connection with it. As much as I hate leaving these kinds of reviews, this needs some serious editing in terms of punctuation. The end of a line doesn't mean the end of the sentence, so if you want a break in the line you have to add a comma or period. Also if you're going to use question marks, you should probably use them at the end of everything question rather than at the end of a long run-on question, because it makes statements look like questions.

Aside from all of that boring stuff, I like your use of language quite a lot. It comes across as very sincere and passionate and that can be hard to do.
Most of all I liked it because I could feel a kind of connection with what you were getting at, a genuine heart-felt connection and I don't get that very often. Beautiful!