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140,479 Literary Works • 673,246 Reviews
Good job!
Hi!
I really like your poem
Its really nice and for me its like he saved you and by the ending you were the one who would save him.
Its like he's your everything and that you are his ^^
Hi! Sorry I didn't review your other work, but I am reviewing this one!
It seems like a very positive poem, at least to me. So I just thought that you should know, it seems like quite an encouraging poem.
I would suggest this instead.So, I just wanted to first let you know that I found it strange that you said it was a sad poem, when it was clearly not a sad poem.
The flow of it is nice, but can be better. I feel like if you had elaborated just a bit more it would have had a better flow. Although I felt it was a bit choppy I can't think of a way you could have prolonged it, but perhaps maybe you could have added more descriptions? Or would that just be too much?
Okay, moving along, I have some suggestions for the way that you write stuff, as is for this line.
"Make the sweetest sun rays, on a bitter dark night" something like that. It doesn't have to be like that, but I just mean something that connects. The next line you made was very great! I liked it, and felt it worked with your poem well.
I also like this line a lot. In fact I think this would be my favorite line because it works with the beginning her seeing him in her dreams, and yeah, it has a feel good tone to it, and works with your poem well.
The only thing I would really consider you look at and change would be the ending. I think that "I am yours, and you are mine." is a nice ending, except for the fact it doesn't work with that last part. I would suggest something more on the lines of,
"For I will always love you, as you will me,"
So, overall, I thought it was good. It has somethings that could be changed in order to improve it, but it is quite good and I quite liked it.
Keep writing!
-- Dream over the mountain.
Hey! I'm here to give you a quick review!
First I want to start off by saying that you truly captured the meaning/feeling of love in this poem. Your poem is very simple and sincere yet it captures the main point. I also get the sense that this poem has some touches of religion from your first stanza. I think adding an extra stanza explaining your dream would really make this poem a lot more powerful. Overall you did good! You have a lot of potential and I'm looking forward in reading more of your work!
This almost put me to tears. I'm not even kidding.
This poem is very evocative, sweet, and sincere. I think that it's a very good interpretation of the feeling of love.
So. Now that that's out there, let me point out something: I feel that the first part of the poem moved a little too fast. Maybe you could elaborate on the dream that you talk about?
You say that,
" I saw an angel with the rays of the sun
exploding in their eyes."
If this person is a boy, you could say, "exploding in his eyes". I think it's a little more personal that way,
Apart from that, I feel that this was a very good work. Keep it up!
Peace!!
This is touching. I really like it. It shows that whenever you see this person, he/she lights you up and you get this happy feeling. It never really hooked me, though. The detail is interesting, and I applaud that. I really don't have much to say, but hey, good job.
Dr. Strangelove gives you!
8.3/10