Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The young scientist grinned, an excited gleam glinting through his eyes as he gazed down at the stainless steel surgical table. Lying on the newly sanitized metal was a body. Well, a person, considering he was still alive, just unconscious.
The man lay supine on the table and stripped of his clothes with only a thin sheet to cover his waist. His eyes were closed and his expression calm as if he were simply napping, however that was the effect of a strong sedative.
A soft sigh escaped the scientist’s lips as he gazed longingly at the array of medical tools in a tray next to the table. He had to begin soon or the sedative might ware off too soon. He removed the lanyard with an ID on the end from his neck, as it would only get in the way. The name on the ID read George Chamble and the picture looked nothing like the scientist, but it wasn’t his ID. No, his name was Willem Cardigan, but he had to use the alias of George Chamble in order to enter this lab. What a funny name it was. George Chamble... It was actually the name of his best friend, and... he glanced down at the figure on the table. But now wasn’t the time for Willem to be concerning himself with those thoughts.
He slipped on a crisp white lab coat over his dark blue shirt, soon followed by a pair of thin medical gloves over his trembling, pale hands. Willem took a deep, calming breath. It wouldn’t do to get overexcited, lest he ruin the procedure.
He looked over to the medical tray next to him and let his hand hover over the various tools before eventually selecting the marker. Stark black lines contrasted the man’s pale skin as Willem quickly drew a large ‘Y’ over his chest.
Turning to place the marker down, he next picked up the newly sharpened scalpel. He started to bring the place down, but froze before it could pierce the skin.
Willem frowned, his eyes drifting up the body to the face. A face he knew well. That was it! He still felt some attachment to this person, and it was holding him back. He couldn’t afford for that to happen, this was for something much more important. What exactly was stopping him? If he looked away, he could almost fool himself that this was just a body. Maybe the name. Thinking about this body as George was the same as thinking about this body as his friend. Something he didn’t want to harm. If that were so, then George would have to be known as Subject to him.
Pushing away this bothersome emotion, he proceeded to cut open Subject’s chest with expert precision and quickly pulled away the flaps of skin and muscle, pinning them back. It was time to begin the important part.
It wouldn’t be smart to start with the extremely vital organs- that would surely lead to death before he could finish- so instead he decided to remove Subject’s liver first. It was important, but not so much as what else he needed to remove. He had to work quickly though; otherwise, the man could easily bleed out before he finished. But he had to deal with the ribs first.
He set down his scalpel and instead picked up a heavy mallet. Hefting it over his shoulder, he took a moment to decide where to strike, and then brought it down. Subject’s ribs splintered inward and rained bone fragments down into his open chest. Willem placed the mallet down, and took a few moments to remove the largest pieces of the ribs and tossed them to the side. He smiled lightly in satisfaction once he had finished that task.
Picking up his scalpel again, he reached into Subject’s chest and gently grasped his liver. It was warm and some blood dripped over his gloved hand. He brought the scalpel forward and leaned in close to see better as he cut. Up close, the scent of blood and other bodily fluids was intensified. Willem was slightly regretting not wearing a mask, but there wasn’t much to do about it at that point.
It didn’t take long to remove the liver and he quickly, but gently, placed it in the large ice chest resting on the floor at the foot of the medical table. He turned back to Subject and continued with his work, a slight smile on his face.
This work could help so many people in need, one special person in particular. He had already planned what to do with these precious organs in advanced. He would only need the heart, and the rest he would sell. He could use the money, and people in need would benefit from the other organs.
Willem had to break himself from his thoughts in order to slowly remove the small intestine without tearing it. Now all that was left was the heart. He found himself drawn to looking at Subject’s face one last time before taking his last, and most precious...
“You’re awake,” his eyebrows furrowed, noticing Subject’s green eyes open so wide they seemed to take up half his face. Willem sighed, gently placing his red stained scalpel down on the surgical tray.
“I apologize...but I don’t have any more sedatives,” he reached for the leather strap hidden under the table and brought it across Subject’s middle before securing it on the both sides. The man screamed and tried to sit up, causing blood to spurt from his chest and flow over his body.
“Stop that, you could damage your heart,” Willem frowned, reaching under the table for another strap. He pushed subject back down and positioned the strap so it would completely hold him down by his throat. Then did the same for both of his wrists when the man tried to grab him.
“Wh-why,” Subject choked, more of the crimson liquid coming up his throat and staining his chin a vibrant, sticky red. Willem picked up the scalpel from the tray again, and leaned back over the struggling man’s chest. He carefully cut around the coronary arteries, using his other hand to hold Subject still. Blood poured from all around the heart and the room was filled with the sounds of the man’s chocked screams. After only a few minutes, he was finished, and gingerly placed the heart in the cooler with the other organs before turning back to face Subject.
The man’s entire body was slick with metallic smelling blood, and a low continuous moan of pain vibrated his chest. His large eyes stared unblinkingly at the scientist as the light slowly faded from them.
“I’m sorry... George,” he whispered. It was time to clean up; he had to hurry if he wanted to make it in time.
A few hours later found Willem sitting in a small waiting room with his fifteen-year-old daughter, Jaqueline.
“I’m nervous dad,” she murmured, staring down at her feet from where she sat on a chair in a little waiting room.
“There’s nothing to worry about sweetie. These doctors are professionals, and when they’re done you’ll have an all new heart and won’t be in pain anymore,” he smiled, gently rubbing a hand over her bald head.
“So I don’t have to stay at the hospital anymore?” she asked, a hopeful tone in her voice.
“Only a while longer, so they can make sure you’ll be okay after surgery. But then you can finally come home.” The room was silent for a few more minutes before Jaqueline spoke up again.
“Hey dad, I thought the doctors said they didn’t have a heart for the transplant a few weeks ago.... Where did they find one?” she asked, looking at him curiously.
“There was a very generous donor,” Willem answered. At that moment, the door opened and the doctor came in.
“It’s time,” he said.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Well, this was definitely horrifying. What made it all the worse than just straightforward body-horror was the calm and sense of purpose exuding from Cardigan. He did seem to change personality midway through the operation, though.... I was fully imagining him as a Doctor Caligari-type at first, with his demonic, experimenting glee. Then, suddenly, he was weighted down with the noble purpose of saving his daughter's life. These emotions don't seem quite compatible to me.
But then, perhaps, doing something so transgressive as cutting apart another human being - though it is wrong and terrifying - also can hold a sort of thrill for a sick mind. Crossing so many boundaries of good and right behavior....
Then again, it's possible I may not have judged Cardigan with complete accuracy.
I did feel bad for both him and George when George woke up and Cardigan ruefully admitted to having no sedative left. That was very pitiful and depressing.
Overall, this story was well-written, and your anatomical descriptions were fascinating and gory. Very true-to-life.
Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you liked it!
Hello this is Remington38 for a review.
I found this story so interesting and eye catching and the ending heart wrenching. Honestly this was genious and so well written. At first when the surgery started I was almost dreading how the description might be cause a lot of authors try to over describe it and then it turns into how much blood and gore can you fit into one story but you handled it well and it deffinetly wasn't over done. I loved the short sweet and heart wrenching ending, personally I feel like it could have Ben a little bit longer but only because I think I want more from it and that is a good thin to have the readings wishing it wasn't so short. This almost would make a reaaly good novel. Have him be a serial killer and collect organs from hospital patients that are going to " die anyway" and then he gives them to people who actually need them. Then the last person he gives the organs to is his own daughter! I loved this story so keep on writing, I will deffinitly be looking forward to reading more from you.
Thank you so much for the review, I'm glad you liked it!
First off, the description is very eye-catching. Betrayal is a natural theme in a ton of literature, but to be upfront about it as this story is, it's very engaging to see.
I like this intro. You picked something morbid that easily is able to get anyone's attention, that being a body. Just from this, I can gather that the main character is somewhat not all in the head.
So they drugged this man and stripped him naked. Not the prettiest visual, but a clear one. You've got this man in a lab with a crazy scientist, and now I want to know why he's there. Hopefully, that's what you get to next.
Hmm, well a sigh indicates he's actually not too pleased to be there, maybe he's more sane than I thought he was from his early grin.
That's a bit redundant. Also, you used "ware" instead of "wear", but eh, I'm always more concerned about the story itself than grammar and spelling. Story and writing mistakes are a lot more difficult to fix, usually.
That's very interesting. Very curious about the backstory of these characters, and how they'd end up in this lab. It's a very interesting plot you came up with.he name on the ID read George Chamble and the picture looked nothing like the scientist, but it wasn’t his ID. No, his name was Willem Cardigan, but he had to use the alias of George Chamble in order to enter this lab. What a funny name it was. George Chamble... It was actually the name of his best friend, and... he glanced down at the figure on the table. But now wasn’t the time for Willem to be concerning himself with those thoughts.
Maybe you should've put the rating a bit higher x_x
Indeed, this does get quite gruesome.
Ah, my impression was wrong. The man was performing an operation on his friend to take his heart and give it to his daughter, if I didn't get your story completely wrong x_x
The premise of this story is quite interesting. It puts quite a perspective on life, the sacred, almost nature of it, and how far a father will go to save his daughter's life. The sorrow Willem felt was quite profound, I'll add. I do think the narration where the narrator explains the ID isn't really consistent with the rest of the narration, not that it's poorly written.
Stylistically, there isn't much to mention, so, hopefully my thought process while reading this helps you discover something about your work. Hope to see more writing from you, this was pretty good x_x
Thanks for the review!
Hey there, I saw this short story in the green room and thought I'd drop a review.
First off, I thought that you did well with your descriptions. The interaction between horrific imagery and more visceral elements of horror did well to create a generally uneasy atmosphere. You pay great attention to detail, letting events pass by really slowly, and I love that style of writing.
However, I feel that the greatest issue with this story is its scientific inaccuracies, specifically regarding the surgery itself. Off the top of my head: Drawing a box on the subject's chest and then cutting along the lines would result in an entire flap of skin being detached from the body, (which isn't logical), and after that you write that Willem pulls back flaps of skin, which isn't possible if he drew a box and cut along its edges. Also, it is usually procedure to mark the lines to cut in dashed lines, not solid lines. There is more to pull aside than just skin during surgery - there is flesh as well. Willem concludes that it would be better not to remove vital organs first, and then proceeds to start with the liver, which is a vital organ. The ribs are attached to the sternum - there is no conceivable way to pull the rib cage apart without breaking the sternum first. Ribs do not make a creaking sound as they are bent - they simply stay still until they snap. Hairline fractures are not visible, so there is no way Willem could have seen them. The sale of illegally-harvested organs often takes place before the actual harvesting, when a recipient has already been found. This is because organs away from the body are highly perishable. By the time Willem noticed George was awake George would have already lost consciousness due to pain (if he hadn't already died due to the lack of a liver). George wouldn't have had any blood in his throat he could choke on, because the surgical procedures thus far did not cause any blood to enter his digestive tract. The moment the last connection to the heart was removed George would have been absolutely dead without a doubt. The heart only can be away from the body for six hours before it deteriorates, definitely not an entire week, so Willem's daughter would have never received the heart. Moreover, she's seven years old. Heart transplant donors that are chosen are usually roughly within 20% of the recipient's weight and height, and typically the donor heart is younger than the recipient, so unless George was within 20% of the daughter's weight and height and was younger than her the transplant would not work.
I'm not a doctor or anything - I simply checked these facts on google, and anyone can do that.
Linguistics-wise I see no glaring errors save for a few mistakes here and there. I don't like the use of ellipses because it gives the story a conversational tone, which isn't what you were going for here. Instead, use em dashes or semicolons (appropriately) in their place.
All in all, this isn't badly written per se - it's actually pretty okay. It's just that it was written on the premise of very flawed human anatomy and medical procedure.
Thanks for the review! I went back through it and tried to fix most of the mistakes you pointed out, just a few of them I couldn't really change much without changing my whole plot. Again, thank you for telling me what I got wrong, because I really wanted this to be good.
Heya!
Ok. I can't think of an opening sentence so lets just cut to the chase.
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I find it a bit odd that Willem cut George's chest open in the shape of a square. Everything I've seen on TV indicates that the body is cut open in a Y shape. Of course, this was a Medical Examiner show and the "surgery" was taking place after death.
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I'm not a fan of the repetition of "then" in this sentence, if replace one of them with "and"
Overall, I really liked this.
~Myth
Thanks for the review!
Your story was very interesting, I feel like even in the end I still am conflicted with if what the doctor did was moral or not. I thought your detail was good, and I myself am not much a fan of horror or anything gory, however I think you did a good job with your descriptions! I'd like to see more of your work!
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it!
Though I'm not really into horror, I enjoyed this story very much. I liked how taking the heart sounded like something bad in the beginning, but as it went on, you saw why he was doing it. The descriptions were very good, and I liked the bittersweet ending.
Thanks for the review!
No problem!