16+

Family Reunion

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

I smiled amicably, bowing lowly to my next guest. It was my cousin Martha, all the way from two towns over. It was so nice to see her again after all this time...

“Ah, Martha. Such a joy to see you,” I grin, pulling her in for a hug.

But she dodged my arms, entering the room and disappearing into the large crowd behind me. It wasn’t a very big room and was rather dingy with its stone walls, yet it still managed to fit all my family and friends. Today was a very special day to me. I think.... Maybe an anniversary, a reunion possibly? Well, any day is a perfect day for a party!

“I hope everyone is having fun!” I called. None of them responded, but that was fine. Today was going to be fun; I wouldn’t let anything ruin it. So, instead of moping over being ignored, I decided to just walk around until I found someone willing to talk. Maybe Aunt Lluvia? She was usually up for a good conversation.

“Aunt Lluvia!” I called, spotting her from across the room. I ran to her, smiling in hopes that it would make her more inclined to answer me.

“How have things been? It has been months since we’ve talked,” I laughed. She didn’t even bother to look at me and I couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed.

“Come on Aunty, there’s no need to ignore me...” I sighed, “Why don’t we share some recipes? I know you have one that you’ve been holding back from me.” I teased. Aunt Lluvia loved to cook; I was sure that turning the conversation toward food would work. But strangely enough, it didn’t, and now I could feel my irritation morphing into anger.

Why was my family ignoring me? They had no right to do that, none at all. I was a part of this celebration- whatever it was- and I deserved some attention just like anyone else.

“Hey, stop ignoring me before I have to hurt you,” I growled. I would use force if necessary, it didn’t bother me. I actually loved the way using force gave me such a powerful feeling. I liked power....

A small chuckle escaped my lips when she still didn’t respond. It seems I would have to... no, get to, use force. I began to laugh, joy overwhelming me at the thought of using force and feeling so powerful. I reached out to grab her shirt, but my hand missed. She must have moved.

“Oh Aunty!” I cackled, “Don’t run, I just want to talk!” I was shaking with the laughter, but I just couldn’t help it. It was too good! The worse she defied me the more force I would have to use and the more powerful I would feel.

I charged, ready to tackle her to the ground, but she seemed to disappear, which left me to smash into the wall. I felt a drop of blood slip down my face, but continued to laugh. Pulling myself off the ground, I charged at Uncle George across the room. He was ignoring me too.

But just like Aunt Lluvia he seemed to dissipate into the air and my face once again met the wall. I charged around the room, but one by one everyone left, leaving me alone again with blood streaming down my face from trying to catch them.

Why was this happening again? I wasn’t at fault, I hadn’t meant to drive them away all those times before. I hadn’t meant to.... kill them.

That was right... how could I possibly forget. Each and every one of them had crossed me, made me angry, pushed me just a little closer to the edge. So obviously it was their own fault they were dead, I did nothing wrong. I only responded like any normal person would!

“Why are you doing this to me!?” I screamed.

“Wh- why-,” it escaped like a low whine. “Why did you leave me again!” I wailed.

“Why!?” I felt a strange moisture, different from my blood, drip down my face. Was it coming from my eyes?

“Come back! I don’t want to be alone. Come back or I’ll kill you again!” I screeched, digging my hands into my hair. I can’t take this. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to be ignored anymore! The pain was coming back. It was an unbearable emptiness tingling over my heart, making it feel like it wasn’t even there.

“Whyyyyy??? Why? Whywhywhywhywhy!???” I moaned, tearing at my hair.

“WHY!!??” I slammed my forehead on the ground. I screamed, trying to relieve the pain somehow and fell onto my side, curling into a ball.

“Please! Make it stop!” I sobbed.

“PLEEEAAASSE!”

“Don’t worry,” a soft voice spoke from above me. My head snapped up and I stared at a lady in a blue uniform hovering over me, with another man. I noticed a gun attached to her hip and was so tempted to grab it, and feel that power again, but the man stepped forward and grabbed me by the shoulders. I gave him a brief glare but turned my attention back to the lady who spoke up.

“This’ll help,” she smiled, and I felt a prick in my wrist. And she wasn’t lying. The pain went away, and was replaced by a comforting drowsiness. I smiled slightly in relief, before falling into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
artemis15sc
Review

I smiled amicably, bowing lowly to my next guest.
I'm wondering what culture their from, since bowing isn't a typical greeting gesture at a family reunion where I'm from. I'm genuinely curious.

So, I read the first few lines and I thought it was hilarious that she was so excited to be at a family reunion. Especially when he cousin wouldn't even talk to her. The I assumed everyone their was in a bad mood, which only made her excitement funnier. But her Aunt continuing to ignore her has now convinced me she is a ghost.

Okay. I now think your character is unstable. I mean, nobody gets that excited over getting to beat up their Aunt unless their mentally unbalanced, especially considering how annoyed she was before. And she missed! Which lends credence to me ghost theory. But how come she doesn't know she's dead? Oh, maybe it's her own funeral...


Just kidding. She's in a psych ward and she murdered her whole family. That was a twist I didn't expect. Nice job though. You definitely want to fool your readers and you totally succeeded. I also like the circle-plot it implies. You wonder how many times she's had this same dream. How many times she'd freaked out and wanted to kill her family all over again. Oh, that whole thing where she slams into the walls and gets blood all over her face was a nice touch too.

Well there you go. There is my reaction to your story. Hopefully there was something useful in their. Or hopefully it at least gives you an ego boost.

Thanks for sharing!

-Art

Thanks for the review! :D

User avatar
erilea
Review
erilea wrote a review · Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:32 am

Hey, Annie! Artemis here to review!

Okay, first off. "Np" is supposed to be "no". And, whenever you use quotation marks, capitalize the word after it. Also, the last word here should have a period instead of a comma.

"Come on Aunty, there’s np need to ignore me...” I sighed, “why don’t we share some recipes? I know you have one that you’ve been holding back from me,"

That was all the nitpicks I had. Wow, the ending was really surprising. I thought it was just some peaceful family reunion, and it turned out to be some... Dreamlike scene, I guess. I don't know how to describe it, but it was extremely detailed. I loved it. Good job and keep writing, my friend!

-Artemis28 :D

Thanks for the review! :)

No problem! :)

User avatar
TheSilverFox
Review

When I originally clicked on the link to this story, and I saw the title and description, I didn't honestly think that the story would turn out the way that it did. O_O

Nonetheless, I deeply enjoyed this story - it was amazing. Well done, anniegirl123! This story was full of twists, action-packed, and incredibly surprising. At the beginning, it seemed like such an ordinary family reunion. I thought, at first, that it was a decent opening to a neat little story about being ignored by family members. Having felt that feeling quite a lot in my own family, it captured my interest, and led me to want to read more of the story. However, the further I read the story, I realized I was absolutely stunned. It was, needless to say, intense. When I read the MC's ambitions to hurt her aunt, I momentarily thought that you had perhaps taken the drama in the story a step too far. After all, she goes from talking about cooking to a willingness to beat up her aunt because she's ignoring the MC. However, the more I saw the background of the main character, the more it all made sense. She is possessed by power, driven by anger and madness, and the wanting to hurt other people who ignore her. She murdered every single member of her family, and now it appears that their souls are taunting her from beyond the grave, torturing her for her horrendous. In my opinion, this story was captivating in that manner - you caught the reader where they least expected it, and your story was powerful enough to lead them onward, into this horrific mystery and its aftermath. As such, in my view, when it comes to your plot and character, this story is fantastic. Nice job!

Furthermore, I'm impressed by your character development and usage of details. I could see each scene of the story, from the MC's calm and peaceful introduction to her maniacal rants and the blood that streams down her face as she vainly tries to hurt all the people whom she had done so much wrong. I could sense her terrible pain, her anger and wrath, and learn a lot more about her confused, mentally unstable mind. In particular, the ending was quite vivid, especially with the the blue-uniformed lady shooting her with some kind of a tranquilizer and all. Lastly, your character development was also exceptional. Through the MC's dialogue, her actions, her panic and torment, I learned quite a lot about her personality and truly maniacal nature. I even learned about the true nature of what she had done, the power that she so desires, and her imminent demise. In all, when it comes to your character development and details, this story is also top notch.

In conclusion, I loved this story. It was surprising, dark, and intense. Your use of details, character development, incredible plot-line, and the fascinating interior conflict of the MCs mind were all ingenious. This story was impeccable, and I enjoyed reading it from start to finish. Well done! :D

Thank you so much for the review, it really made my day! :D

User avatar
areproc
Review
areproc wrote a review · Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:17 am

Wow. This was a really good story with a very unexpected twist. That's what great writers do. You started to build up to the idea that she was violent, and you had me unable to turn away form the screen then. As the action started building up, I was too deep into your writing to stop reading. You drew me in and kept me. So this is an amazing story. You have good technique and style and its interesting enough to draw readers in.

You just had a small typo. Instead of saying no you said np. No big deal, but you might want to fix it.

Other than that, really good job. You are going to go far with this writing. ;)

Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it! :)
And I made sure to go back and fix the typo.



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