A young lady stood in the center of a large empty room, sweeping the dust off of the floor with a broom, humming quietly to herself as she worked her way around the room.
“Melanie!” she yelped and dropped her broom as she heard her name being called from the other room. It took a moment for her to relax her muscles before she sighed and bent down to pick up her broom.
“C-coming M-Miss Victoria!” she called back to her mistress. She scurried from the large room and down the hallways until she reached her master’s door. She placed her hand on the door knob, then froze. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she slowly opened the door, flinching slightly at the high pitched squeaking sound it made as it swung open. She stepped into the room and waited patiently for her mistress, who was currently hunched over a small vanity, to recognize her.
“You c-called, Miss Victoria?” She looked down so as not have to meet her mistress’s eyes. Victoria was an old woman, shorter than Melanie but much more intimidating. It was her cold and dark eyes, black holes ready to suck you up. Victoria had no family and lived alone in her rather large cottage except for Melanie.
“Yes. I need you to go to the store to pick up some more milk. It seems I’ve run out.”
“Yes, ma’am, I-I’ll be back soon,” Melanie bowed before she left the room. She stopped in the kitchen to grab a small wicker basket before she was out the door. She walked down the sidewalk, past the many large oak trees that covered the ten acre land. She didn’t have to walk far before she reached the local grocery store, as the town they lived in was rather small.
She entered the small shop, the little bell attached to the door ringing to announce her arrival.
“Hello, Melanie, what can I get for you today?” the store owner, Tom, asked from his spot behind the store’s single cash register, smiling at her. Tom was a hardworking man and had decided that he didn’t need any employees and would rather work the store himself. Everyone thought he was crazy at first, but he had been quiet successful so far.
“Just some milk,” she said, shyly returning his smile.
“Just a moment,” he chuckled, leaving his spot at the register. He came back with two cartons of milk and handed them over to her.
“Oh, I only needed one…” “It’s fine, the second one’s on me.”
She blushed and mumbled a quiet thank you, handing over a few crumpled dollar bills to pay for the milk before she left the store. She carefully set the two cartons of milk in her basket as she walked down the sidewalk. A cool breeze blew, freeing some strands of her dark brown hair from its tight bun. She frowned, tucking the strands of her hair behind her ear as she approached home. She walked up the steps and pulled out her key but stopped, hand hovering in front of the lock. She took a deep breath, then slid the key into the lock, opening the door.
“I’m home ma’am,” Melanie called out, setting the basket with the milk on the kitchen table and hanging up the keys on the little hook by the door. She took the milk out of the basket and set it in the fridge.
“Melanie, come in here. Now!”
Melanie froze, her eyes going wide. She hesitated for a moment before scurrying off to see what her mistress wanted. She found Victoria standing in the living room in front of the large floor to ceiling windows that covered one of the walls.
“Who are those kids out there and why are they playing in my trees!?”
Her voice had risen to a shout towards the end of her sentence. Melanie flinched, shrinking back from her mistress’s angry glare. She took a few seconds to calm down before looking out the window. It was true; there were two people out there. They looked to be in their early twenties and sat up in the branches of one of the trees.
The man had light brown hair and looked well built; his arm was wrapped around the girl sitting next to him. She was thin, with long curly black hair tied up in a messy pony tail. When she turned her head to look at who Melanie assumed must either be her boyfriend or her husband, she was able to see the young woman’s face. She had rather delicate features, with a small dainty nose and a thin, but not overly so, face. She had large, lively looking brown eyes that seemed to light up as she looked at the man next to her.
Melanie gasped. She knew it couldn’t be, but the woman looked exactly like Victoria’s niece, albeit older than all the pictures she’d seen. Melanie was now positive that this was none other than her mistress’s niece, the one who had died in a car accident.
“Ma’am, I-I’m not sure wh-who the boy is b-b-but, I b-believe that the g-girl is…” her stuttering got worse and Melanie found herself unable to finish her. After all, out of everyone in her family, Victoria’s niece had always been her favorite. She would always tell Melanie stories of how she loved to play up in the huge oak tree with her little niece.
“Who is she? Spit it out, girl!”
Melanie flinched back, beginning to shake slightly. “I be-believe she…. sh-she is y-your ne-niece ma’am,” she finished in a voice barely above a whisper.
“Lies!” Victoria shrieked. “Why would you lie to me!?”
She brought her hand down, slapping Melanie across the face. Melanie yelped, falling to the floor.
“I-I’m no-not lying, m-ma’am, sh-she rea-really is you-your niece,” Melanie said, trembling. Victoria glared at her and Melanie was sure she would be struck again when her mistress turned away and looked back out the window, eyes narrowing as she watched the young couple sitting in the tree. Suddenly, her gaze softened.
“Why, I believe you are right…” Then her look darkened. “But why would my sweet little niece Cheryl be playing in the trees with someone else? It was our special thing, and she was supposed to be dead! So tell me, you worthless little brat, why is she out there playing in the trees with someone else!”
“I-I don’t kn-know,” Melanie whimpered. She flinched as Victoria stomped past her and stormed out of the house. A few seconds later, she came back into Melanie’s view through the window and she watched as she yelled something at the couple. Apparently not getting an answer she was pleased with, she reached into her pants pocket and pulled out a small hand gun, pointing it at the man.
“No…. no, not again,” Melanie cried, tears filling from her eyes as she staggered to her feet and ran out the room and then the front door. A small scream escaped her throat as the first shot went off the man dropped out of the tree with a bullet through his head. Melanie ran over to her master, grabbing her arm and trying to stop her.
“Get off me!” Victoria screamed, throwing Melanie off and onto the floor. All she could do was watch in horror as she raised the gun and fired. Another scream escaped her mouth as the girl dropped from the tree and landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom.
Victoria stomped over to the dead girl and grabbed her arm, dragging her across the yard towards the house.
“Now…” she began, stopping under the base of another large oak, “we can play in the trees together. Forever!” she shrieked, using an almost inhuman strength and throwing the girl into the branches of the tree where her body rested. Victoria panted, her fists clenching and unclenching, sometimes shaking. Melanie sat there on the ground crying and trembling, frightened that her mistress would decide that she was next.
“Get rid of his body Melanie,” Victoria said, turning her dark glare on her servant.
“Yes ma’am,” Melanie whispered, shakily getting to her feet. She had tried to stop it this time, but just like all the other times, it happened again. And it seemed there was really nothing she could do about it except follow her mistress’s orders, and wait until she was next.
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Oooh creepy. Makes me question the reality of the situation. Is the girl a ghost? Is Victoria a ghost? This has happened before?
Stories that prompt such questions are good stories, as a rule, and yours is no exception. I would have liked a little more explanation, and maybe a paragraph from someone else's point of view, but the ambiguity is good in this case. It lends itself to the creepy atmosphere.
I don't really see any errors, so great job!
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it
Hi Felistia here with a short review.
Ooooo this gave me the shivers.
Excellent writing. You have perfect balance for description and dialogue and both are superb. The story took a little while to get started, but once it did, it moved very fast.
There was one mistake I picked up on. When you wrote (She frowned, tucking the strands of her behind her ear as she approached home.) did you mean to write hair. Other than that it is a wonderful piece of writing. Have a good day\night.
Thanks for the review, and telling me about that mistake, I went back and fixed it.