16+ Violence

Face it

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Suzie walked down the street, a solemn but determined look on her face. The dark clouds blanketing the sky, rumbling with thunder, seemed to match her mood. She had been suspicious of Adam, her boyfriend, for quite some time now. He was spending just a bit too much time around his ex, Angela. And today she was going to find out what was going on.

Suzie sighed, looking down at her feet as she waited for the walk signal to cross the road. She didn’t want to believe that Adam was cheating on her, not after all they’d been through together. She loved him with all her heart and wanted to trust him just as much but couldn’t bring herself to do so. That naivety was what got her heart broken with her first boyfriend. She bit her lower lip at the memory and let out a quiet breath.

The light flashed to walk and she crossed the street. Suzie ran a shaking hand through her hair as she grew closer and closer to Angela’s home on the edge of town. It was in a very run-down area where crime was considered a normal thing. As a result, not many people lived in this area.

She almost jumped when a particularly loud crash of thunder blasted through the sky. Taking a calming breath, she continued walking until she was standing before Angela’s home. There were several bare spots in the lawn and the white paint of the house was peeling off, in clear need of work. Though compared to the surrounding buildings, it actually didn’t look that bad

Taking a moment to calm her nerves, Suzie went up to the door and rapped her fist on it a few times. Moments later Angela opened the door, giving a big smile when she saw Suzie.

“Oh hello Suzie! How have you been?” she exclaimed, clasping one of Suzie’s hands in her own. Her forest green eyes looked over Suzie happily.

“Alright, but I need to speak to you so-“

“Come in, come in!” she pulled Suzie inside, only releasing her after she’d closed and locked the front door.

“Here, take a seat,” Angela gestured to her faded red couch, before plopping down on the worn red material. “What did you need to talk about?”

“Well, I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with Adam, and you seem so close....”

“Oh we’re the best of friends! He’s really fun to hang out with,” she smiled, but it seemed forced.

“Yes but, I need to ask, are you two back together?” Suzie asked. Angela froze a blank expression coming onto her face, then she broke into another smile.

“Hey, I need to show you something Suzie,” she said, gently taking Suzie’s hand.

“Oh, no, I really must be going,” Angela shook her head. Something didn’t feel right.

“I insist,” Angela tightened her grip in an almost painful way. Angela led Suzie through the house, and then down a stone staircase into what she assumed was the basement.

The room was dark, but she could vaguely make out some things. A few tools rested on the wall and there was a closet in the corner, but what caught her attention the most was the medical examination table in the center of the room.

Something was definitely wrong. Suzie tried to yank her hand away, but Angela’s tight grip remained. She yanked Suzie forward, shoving her onto the medical table. Suzie tried to push her away but Angela pinned her to the table, trapping her wrists in metal shackles at the top of the table, then did the same to her ankles at the bottom.

Suzie thrashed around screaming, trying to break free, but froze when she felt a hand on her cheek. Angela gently stroked the side of her porcelain cheek.

“Adam always said you have such a pretty face.... And you’re lips are so pink,” Angela brushed her thumb against Suzie’s lips, smearing the gloss. Suzie jerked her head to the side, staring up at her with wide trembling green eyes.

“Let me go...” she pleaded, tears dripping from her dark green eyes.

“I wish I could be as pretty as you,” Angela sighed.

`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.

“Hey Angela, come in,” Adam said, opening the door to his apartment wider. Angela had called him earlier that day and said she wanted to talk to him. He didn’t really know why, but didn’t tell her no. After all, they still were friends.

“Are you okay? You seem upset,” Angela gave a concerned frown as she entered his apartment.

“Oh... Well it’s been three days now since I’ve seen Suzie and she won’t answer her phone. I’m worried,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He’d been doing everything he could to try to figure out why he hadn’t seen her, but had no luck so far.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Angela rested a hand on his shoulder and smiling warmly.

“Er, right,” he took a step back. Angela took a step forward, placing a hand on his chest.

“Listen, Adam, you know I hate to beat around the bush so I’ll just get straight to the point. I want to get back together,” Angela said, leaning in closer, puckering her lips. Adam grabbed her shoulders and gently pushed her back, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry Angela, but I don’t like you like that. It’s Suzie I love,” he stated with an apologetic frown.

“But Adam!” she reached out to him, a pained expression on her face.

“Angela, leave.” Adam pointed to the door.

“Very well.... I hope you see Suzie soon,” she whispered with a blank look on her face, before walking out the door.

`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.~-`.

Adam was peacefully asleep when he felt something. A strange feeling that pulled him from sleep, however he didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t know quite what it was; it felt... it almost felt like someone was watching him.

He opened his eyes and his breathing hitched. There was Suzie, but not Suzie. It was her face but something strange about it.

“Suzie?” he murmured. A knife came into view and he didn’t have any time to move before it sunk into his chest. He screamed. Suzie’s face, which turned out to be a mask, slipped off to reveal Angela.

“How do you like me now?” the blade came down again.

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
fukase
Comment

Sorry T.Error..

User avatar
fukase
Review
fukase wrote a review · Tue Jun 09, 2015 1:26 pm

Hey..
A river of reviews are flowing..
First of all, it was scary. Personally, I don't like horror but the way you wrote it like damn good. There weren't many errors in here but you misspelled the word " your " as " you're "
Find and repair it. However, I like this but I didn't love it and I want to read your incoming post. Write as vivid as you can. I hope this helped.

Thanks for the review! :)

User avatar
Augustus
Review

Heya!
Augustus here for the review.
Well, this is a very creepy and interesting piece of work. I like the way you have handled the whole situation.
Maybe, you could add more imaginary to your piece. Like the locations and the expressions on Suzie's face in the first part as well as on Adam's face in the second part. I must say, I was not expecting ending of this story like that.
However, my favorite twist was the kidnapping of Suzie. You have described the change in situation very well. But, I felt that change a bit fast paced. But of course it's your story.
Over all, It's an interesting story and I enjoyed it. However, a bit more imaginary could have made it perfect in every way. The concept was new and plot was arranged wisely.
I would love to read more of your work.
Goodbye and Good luck,
Augustus.

Thanks a lot for the review! Sometime in the upcoming week I am going to try and do some editing on this story, so thank you for the suggestions! :)

User avatar
artybirdy
Review

That was creepy and horrifying! I thought it might be a tragic story, since you mentioned you'd be writing one. However, you caught me off guard - and in a good way. I enjoyed reading this.

Just one question though: Angela liked Adam and she probably killed Suzie for him, then why did she kill him, too, at the end?

There weren't any mistakes, except at one place. You said:

“I’m sorry Angela, but I don’t like you like that. It’s Darla I love!” he stated.


Does he mean Suzie instead of Darla?

Overall, I think you should have given us an insight into the thoughts/feelings of Angela and Adam. You told us Suzie's perspective, but there was no hint of fear when Angela ties her. She didn't even scream. Perhaps, you should edit that part. That aside, Angela says that Suzie has a pretty face. But, you didn't give us any description of her appearance nor did you compare it to Angela's.

I loved the concept, but you could have made it more thrilling.

Well done, and keep writing!

Well Angela also killed Adam at the end because he didn't love her back so it was one of those "if I can't have him then no one can," situations.
And sorry for the confusion, I did mean Suzie instead of Darla. I did some name changing after I finished it and I forgot to change that part.
Thanks a lot for the review! :)

Oh, I see!
No problem! :)

User avatar
Snoops
Review
Snoops wrote a review · Sat Jun 06, 2015 5:44 pm

welll, this was quite unexpected...I loved it! I didnt expect it at all, up untill the point suzie got kidnapped by Angela, and then the mask part was gruesome. great job!
two things I want to point out is:
" grew closer and closer to Angel’s home on the edge of town". you said Angel, instead of Angela and well, she isnt really an angel..hehe.
Also, who is Darla?
"“I’m sorry Angela, but I don’t like you like that. It’s Darla I love!” he stated." that was pretty confusing.
great job! and keep your dreams alive annie!

-Lau.

Sorry for the confusion, I meant to write Suzie instead of Darla. I did some name changing after I wrote this and accidentally forgot to change that part.
Thanks for the review! :)



Meet me in Montauk.
— Charlie Kaufman