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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
This was a joy to read! I live on a hobby farm and are currently growing tomato’s:)
I loved the line “isn’t this the same sun that turned and the same river carved into the ground a thousand years before i was born.” It helped me see that every crop has been grown by the same rays of sun. All the water has been recycled and watered many crops before. You where talking about how maybe the people who had the knowledge and skills had run dry, but what gives the plant life is water and sun, and those things have done it since the beginning. It knows what to do.
My only critique would be paragraph 1&2 is a very long sentence so just double check punctuation! (I say that as you have a period in the 4th paragraph so i assume periods can be in poems)
Overall I think it’s beautiful and I love the illustrations to go with it! Did you draw them? Either way I think they really work!
Thank you for the poem and reading what I have to say!
-Taithoes <3
Thank you for your feedback - I tend to like run-on sentences in my poetry -> I think it gives more of a "continuous thought" / "breathlessness" to the feeling. So my poems tend to end in a period without much end punctuation elsewhere.
And thank you, yes, I drew the little tomatoes / leaf on the poem too. Glad you liked it's connection - gardening is really an enjoyable hobby!
Hai :3
This poem is stunning!! Like, the whole connection between the land and generations is such a beautiful sentiment. There's this sense of something deeper, a kind of shared memory, like you're channeling the voices of your ancestors and their understanding of the earth. It's such a contrast between what was once thriving and what feels distant now, and that is so rich to me!! You’re tying together memory, family, and nature in a way that makes me feel connected to something so much larger than just the present moment. It's like a puzzle in a way, fitting together pieces of the past!!
I love how grounded this is in physical sensations too ~~ The wiping of soil from your brow, the hand-tills; it makes the whole thing feel so tactile and alive. There’s this quiet sense of perseverance that shines through, like the garden is not just a garden, but a metaphor for so much more: family, history, and survival. It's very soft yet haunting, definitely a cool way to reflect on modern life and our disconnection from traditions. You never truly lose your family, and their impact on you is hard to forget once it happens, and I think you've nailed that idea in this poem!!
This is such a good line!! It's a beautiful double meaning. Like, not only have the literal plants been stretched, but there’s this deep suggestion that the generations’ connection to the earth is fading or being tested. It made me feel that sense of loss for the knowledge that gets forgotten. I've been spending a lot of time looking into my own ancestry (which is very poetic !!!), and I can't help but feel bittersweet thinking about it. This poem is exactly that to me, reminiscing on a past you will never know, one that is always just out of reach. That's sososo good!!
!!! I am obsessed with this entire stanza!!
It’s almost like you're bringing hope back in with the mention of reincarnation ~~ No matter how thin the crops or weak the roots, there’s a cycle, and the land remembers. The wisdom isn't really lost, but maybe just waiting. Someday, maybe things will get better. The whole thing blooms in front of my eyes as I read it!! The way you’ve woven the idea of time, memory, and nature is super immersive and grounding. It feels like coming home, but you're not quite sure where home is anymore. That's almost painful to me, like a deep ache in my chest when I read this for the first time.
^^^ Though, that stanza feels a little too dense and introspective in comparison to the rest. It’s a shift from the more grounded imagery (gardening / soil / ancestors) to this philosophical musing. You've done a great job of evoking that family nostalgia, but by the time we reach the reincarnation metaphor, I feel like the visuals are fading a bit. You've lost momentum with the "this is what happens" and now it's all "this is what I feel" writing. I feel like it could be backed up with an image to keep up with the previous stanza: what does the land’s memory look like to you?
I LOVE this ending !!!
This is such a gorgeous reflection, and it feels really rooted in your own personal experiences too!! I think that is what makes a poem really come off the page, like how this does. It might benefit from a little more buildup or tension before landing on that “familiar voice” moment though ~~ Like the harvest and drought you mention earlier are real metaphors with weight, but they could show up again to pack onto this ending. It's strong, but it could have a little more!!
This is fantastic though!! It's a perfect mix of nostalgia, reflection, and hope, while still having so many lingering questions left in the open. Amazing!!! ^_^
- Payton
What a great review! Thank you for the praise, interpretation, and critiques - I agree that I think the end maybe feels a tad rushed - > could be drawn out a touch more, I'll take a look at that when I edit it. Thank you very much for leaving such a terrific review - I think you really understood what I was trying to portray with the achy nostalgia for people I've never met - > ancestry research is fun in that way. Bittersweet but hopeful! Have a good day!
This is very cool! As someone who grows tomatoes (and kills them =[ ) and as someone running a Tomato themed ARG, I absolutely go crazy when tomato stuff shows up, the poem is great
ALSO how did you put pictures in it? Did you draw them? they are beautiful, so much better than my tomatoes. <3
Thank you! I love tomatoes too - and yes! I doodled these tomatoes and posted the poem as an image. Thanks for your notes!
<3