If the entire sun burned out of the sky (when) would you know?

beautiful tree

Hi!! I really loved seeing the ways different people took on this "it takes 8 minutes for light to reach Earth" prompt - and this poem is no exception. So of course, here I am with a review for you since I loved reading your poem so much.

Formatting

I'll start here, since the formatting is the most immediately noticeable element of the poem (for me, at least)! I find it interesting that you chose to format the text into a tree shape, especially since the first half of the poem centers almost exclusively on star/celestial imagery. I think you actually get to the "meat" of the poem in the second half, though, because that's where I feel like narrator comes to a meaningful conclusion about being independent and self-sustained. And this conclusion is largely built around the statement that trees could survive for decades if the sun were to explode - so it makes sense to me that you would format the text as a tree (rather than a star or sun explosion or fire), since that's the image that is most closely tied to the meaning of the poem.

The only thing I'm not a fan of is the way you format the word "l i v e" in the trunk of the tree, and also the way you added roots onto the base of the tree with "^ / \ |" symbols. In my opinion, they don't feel like they fit into the rest of the formatting (they come across as an afterthought to me, even if that's not actually the case), and just have a bit more of a gimmicky vibe. Obviously, this is largely up to personal taste, so that's just my personal reaction.

Interpretation

Building off of the independence / self sustenance I mentioned above - I definitely read this poem as being about learning to rely on yourself and find your own inner strength (filling your lungs with lightning bugs), rather than needing other people (the sun) to always provide you with external strength.

I think the poem goes a bit farther and subtly alludes to the fact that you need to find a balance, though. On the surface level, yeah, the poem talks about surviving for decades longer than everyone else because you are self reliant. But the narrator also talks about how they have a tendency to be "tricked into believing the night is infinite" and describes how a consequence of being totally independent is drowning "in all these empty constellations". I think the narrator is implying in these spots that being overly cynical and independent has its downfalls, just as being overly dependent and externally reliant can.

I like this interpretation a lot, because I think it makes the poem more nuanced and interesting than if it were just saying "must. be. independent. at. all. costs.". The narrator may be thinking that, but the context of the poem seems to show that there's more backstory than that and that sometimes their total independence has failed them. I'd be interested to hear if that's your personal interpretation, or if you were going for something else!

Miscellaneous Other Stuff

As per usual, you totally hit the mark with imagery. I love how you connect these really big concept, poetic images of stars and explosions all the way back to the anatomy of the narrator when you talk about bones for fire kindling and lungs for lanterns. By covering all these different scales of images - universe-level, bug-level, human-level - you make the poem feel...more 3D, if that makes sense? Like it has more layers.

I have to disagree with the other reviewers about the flow at the start of the poem; I like how the sentences can't be read linearly there. It makes me feel like I've stumbled upon the opening of a poem and I have to follow the threads until I get the rest of it. It does make you reread the start a few more times to catch everything, but I don't think that's at all a bad thing in poetry. I was able to sort it all out eventually, and it didn't detract from my experience of reading the poem.

Overall, this was a super fun poem to read. I find it so interesting to find the parallels between it and the poem I wrote for the same prompt, but also to see how you took it in different directions and used totally different formatting. Creativity is crazy cool :3 I hope this review proves useful for you, and let me know if there's anything you want me to explain better!

Cheerio <3
Seirre

Heyy there, hope you're having a great day

The first thing you notice upon reading this poem, is how difficult it is to figure out how to read it. While the structure of the poem is incredibly unique and original, and beautiful from far away, when you get closer and actually try reading it, you constantly need to look to see where the poem continues, which does take you out of the reading experience.
The structure in itself is fine, but perhaps you should try making it easier to understand, especially the first few sentences

The poem in itself however, is beautiful. I love how it goes from almost a scientific standpoint to a more metaphorical and poetic one. It's

Is there a way I’m supposed to read this or is it fine any way? I wonder if the end of the poem has different meanings if started differently.I like how this was written.As if desperately trying to form a poem.Fitting for how desperate the world is righty now.Maybe the poem itself gave up altogether.I hope that you will have a fantastic and amazing day and night.