Have you ever wondered why God had armies of warrior angels even before Lucifer ever fell to devilry? Has it ever crossed your mind that there may be a possibility that sentient events took place before the earth was created?
I write about a time when there was no time. A time when there was neither space nor matter. A time when only spiritual elements alone existed within the universe.
Dear readers, you are about to be plunged into a world where no public book has ever mentioned. This is the story of the the universe that begat all stories. This is the history of the universe according to archangel Niphael, as translated by Professor Maynard Ray.
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The universe was born of an event which God discloses to none. Galaxies were conceived from elements which the almighty never reveals. Planets were forged from within the hands of God.
God said to God, let us create life with God's spirit. And God created the watchers.
Then God saw that God's creation was good, and he called them Shanin.
*In the language of the sentient known as Elivati, Shanin means 'watchers'.*
"Hananiel! You shall take control over the galaxies of the white stars," God commanded.
"Yes my Lord," and Hananiel went forth into the galaxy of the white stars.
"Shamaniel! You shall take control over the galaxies of the yellow stars," God commanded.
"Yes my Lord," and Shamaniel went forth into the galaxy of the yellow stars.
"Kamaniel! You shall take control over the galaxies of the red stars," God commanded.
"Yes my Lord," and Kamaniel went forth into the galaxies of the red stars.
"Ramaniel! You shall take control over the galaxies of the green stars," God commanded.
"Yes my Lord," and Ramaniel went forth into the galaxies of the green stars.
These were the watchers of the galaxies. Thus, they were called Hayashanin, which means watchers of the stars.
*Hayashanin is an adjoinment of the Elivati words 'Haya' and 'Shan', meaning 'star' and 'watch' respectively.*
God saw that God's creation was good, and God called the fiery stars 'Riph' meaning sun. Then God called upon four watchers and said unto them, "Go forth, and with my authority, make fire upon a star in each of the four galaxies, so that there shall be light to shine upon the stars."
The four watchers said unto the Lord, "Lord, how shall we use your authority?"
And the Lord said unto them, "You are created of God's spirit, and God's spirit you are. The authority of the Lord lies within your mutterings. Speak unto the star, and it shall do as you command."
The watchers went forth, each into one galaxy and spake unto the stars, that they might become fiery. They returned to the Lord and said unto him, "Lord, we have done as you commanded. What shall we do next?"
God looked unto the galaxies and saw that there was light. God saw that it was good. Then God said, "Go forth, and with my authority, make force upon the stars and spheres of the galaxies, so that there may be movement amongst them to make them interact."
The watchers went forth, each into one galaxy and spake unto the stars and the planets, that they might become subject to a force of movement.
The watchers returned to God and they said, "Lord, we have done as you commanded. What shall we do next?"
To be continued (only if I receive positive reviews).
*Positive review* I like it. Continue! It really interested me the whole way through.
Your tone and diction is very consistent with the theme and I love it! The etymology included is very effective in making the piece seem based off actual biblical events. The idea is very fresh, because most biblical based fiction I've come across, most movies (mainly Supernatural
), are based on events after which the universe already existed.
I'm assuming you won't go into scientific details of the universe, but since galaxies are merely around 4% and dark matter and energy covers the rest, it would be brilliant if that could be included. How not just stars formed, but the formation of dark matter as well. Also, the creation process could also be laced with some factual events, like the big bang and the supernovas that creates other stars and manufactures elements, not in a very obvious manner, but only hinted at. For example, you could say there were explosions of heavenly proportions while they were created.
I like the idea very much, however, and I really want to see where you go with this ! So please continue !
Hello! I thought I'd drop by and give a review. I saw the title of this piece and couldn't help but look into it; I do, after all, have this fascination about mysterious biblical events such as the creation and doom of the earth. I have done a little research to diminish my curiosity of what respected religions think the apocalypse might be like, but I've never really looked into the creation of the earth itself. It is a rather mysterious and intriguing topic, isn't it?
For me personally, I can understand this and easily follow it. I think it's a wonderful start and you should definitely finish it. I loved how you tried to mimic the tone of the respected bible (especially when God is assigning each watcher a task with the stars). It's realistic and it's absolutely okay--but since there is always room for improvement, you can definitely make it better. Sometimes, the text can be a drag to read and I have to read slow as if it's one of those old classic stories that are assigned in a high school honors English class. I feel like you're trying too hard to have the tone read like an ancient artifact (which I get since it's a translated scroll and all), but loosen up! You can add more spank and spazz into it, but keep the tone of the holy book at the same time. (Think Shakespeare in the 1500s, if you may.)
But overall, I like the concept of this. This seems to be only a fraction of what you have in mind, so my thoughts are kind of limited.
Please, continue! I'd love to finish this and know, what happened in the early ancient time of the earth?
Write, write, write! :]