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Scientificity of the Spiritual

by abelgaiya


"The danger is not in the evil that lurks behind the shadows. The danger is, in fact, not knowing what seeks to harm you."
The professor's statement made Jonathan a little uneasy. All his life, he had heard about cultures and religions around the world that believed in the existence of an immaterial realm within the material one. A realm denizened by beings of superior power and intellect. A realm where the fates of men were determined. Jonathan knew of mythologies which tell of evil beings which slither unseen through human affairs; causing harm and wreaking havoc without restraint and human recognition. He thought they were all inane, nonsensical, based on primitive perceptions and ancient unscientific ideology. But for Professor Adam, a maven in the world of science, to push away science and affirm the existence of a spiritual world, Jonathan did not know what to believe anymore.
"Professor, are you saying that the science which you and I know of is false, and the forces of this spiritual world you allege to exist are the determinants of the natural events that take place within this world?" Paul, one of the six students asked.
They were having a conversation with Professor Adam in his office. It had sparked off from the topic of the law of vibration. This was the fifth session of academic arguments Professor Adam was having with those same students; although Jonathan was a new face to the clique.
"What is your name again? I keep forgetting." The Professor calmly asked.
"It's Paul, sir."
"Ah, yes, Paul. Can you define a system for me, Paul?"
The young man quizzicallylooked to his left at Jonathan and turned back to face the Professor.
"Uhm, a system is a set of connected things which work together to form a whole."
"Well done! Now, isn't your body comprised of systems?" Asked the Professor. A slight smile pushed his grey moustache upwards. His face seemed to smoothen as he spoke.
Paul nodded his head in agreement.
"Your respiratory system works on its own, but contributes and connects to your muscular system which also connects to the nervous system, and so on. Likewise, the entire universe comprises of multifarious systems and subsystems, connected to each other at certain points. All these systems are necessary for the universe to exist. From the system of energy conversion to the system of life formation, all these are connected to each other. Now, because certain individuals do not recognise the fact that not all of these systems are known to them, they conjecture no other sytem exists apart from the ones they are cognizant of. Therefore, the elements of modern science known to you and I are not false, but are only a component of larger elements within a system of infinite systems.
At this time the Professor's front teeth were visible from his smile. It was apparent that he was enjoying his monologue. The room remained quiet for a short while until the Professor arose from his chair.
"I really enjoyed this conversation, and I implore you, always think beyond the purview of established laws of logic; for is it not by thinking beyond them that men of science created more laws?"
All the students also stood up to leave the Professor's office.


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Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:09 pm
Wherethewindgoes wrote a review...



Hallo!

The idea behind this is really interesting, and I like how you explained it with systems. A few thoughts:

Firstly, this is posted under short stories; is this the entire thing, or just the beginning of a larger work? Because I feel as if it needs more to it. At the moment it's rather unsatisfying. Things should happen, problems should arise, people should change, all that kind of stuff. But you don't really have that here; there's just a professor explaining a concept, which isn't really enough for a story. The concept here is a good basis for a story, so you could expand it into a longer one or even a novel.

Also, there doesn't seem to be much character present. You haven't shown the readers the main character's personality, who they are, what's interesting about them. If this is the whole thing, then I think that along with something happening there should be a lot more character development as well. Show us who he is, what he's like, how this changes him and his view on life. It's important that the readers connect and empathize with the character, and in order to do that they need to understand at least in part who he is.

The other aspects of the story were really good. It was well-written, it kept me interested, and made me want to read more about this. If you add some more character development and add more plot, it'll be a really good story.

_Wherethewindgoes




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 3:24 pm
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hi abelgaiya, here to review!

Okay, so what I think a strong point about this piece was the length and pacing. now, that might sounds a bit weird considering I'm talking about a short, but generally it flowed really well, and you sentence lengths were well varied (excluding dialogue, which I will talk about later.) I also liked the theme you had here because it's something quite unique, really.

Now, one thing I'd like to bring up is I don't feel I know enough about your MC. He isn't really described all that much, and I don't really learn much from the way he speaks or his actions. I think firstly, you should have more descriptions of not only him, but your other characters too, so I as a reader get more of an idea of what is going on. And secondly, I think you should give him more of a distinctive way of speaking, because right now I don't feel it's all there.

Secondly,

"Your respiratory system works on its own, but contributes and connects to your muscular system which also connects to the nervous system, and so on. Likewise, the entire universe comprises of multifarious systems and subsystems, connected to each other at certain points. All these systems are necessary for the universe to exist. From the system of energy conversion to the system of life formation, all these are connected to each other. Now, because certain individuals do not recognise the fact that not all of these systems are known to them, they conjecture no other sytem exists apart from the ones they are cognizant of. Therefore, the elements of modern science known to you and I are not false, but are only a component of larger elements within a system of infinite systems.

Whoah! I think this is really too long for dialogue, it isn't exactly nice on the eyes (which shouldn't really matter, but still) and it's just a tad too long. Okay, so I have couple of issues with this like the fact it just doesn't seem very natural. There aren't any pauses, it's almost as if he's reading from a script. Also, I don't really like the content, I mean I really don't like when dialogue just explains a whole load o things which the author wants to get through the the reader- it just seems like it was used more fore the readers convenience rather than actually there. Just something to watch out for!

Overall, this was cool. I mean, I really like the whole theme of it as it's something I don't see often, and something I have a personal interest in. The next step would be adding in a bit more imagery, and the other stuff I mentioned above. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me if you'd like another review or if you have any questions.

Keep Writing!
-Arc x




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Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:36 pm
IamOne wrote a review...



Wow... Strong beginning, a hook "The danger is not in the evil that lurks behind the shadows. The danger is, in fact, not knowing what seeks to harm you." That really caught my attention. The ending i liked also but not as much. The professor gave an amazing explanation but everyone just leaving in the end and nothing more disappointed me a bit in all honesty. Very interesting though. I like your choice of words. ex: "Professor, are you saying that the science which you and I know of is false, and the forces of this spiritual world you allege to exist are the determinants of the natural events that take place within this world?" Paul, one of the six students asked,

Your choice of words are very compelling and in a way blunt if you will. While reading i couldn't help but to sit back and think about the professors statement in the beginning and throughout.

I Love how your story is short but very interesting. You didn't drag along it had a pretty decent tempo.

This i believe can stand firm as a short story without much to edit.

Good Job.




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Wed Jun 12, 2013 10:40 pm
cupcaketrio wrote a review...



wow wow wow wow wow I couldn't hope to be able to write something so well put together I like the charactors to sorry for all the bad spelling but its still really really really really good I mean wow your awesome good luck for the future and the past I guess so good bye I guess................................




abelgaiya says...


Thanks for the exciting laud.




It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind