What little the ear does share to its nature
Madness dripping from both ears
I stand as the sun to watch the morning
And the moon to laugh your name
I stand as the wolf that keeps on howling
And the dog that barks with the sane
I am little but a joke
A madman in a cloak
Yet as reality keeps on spinning
The jokes keep on ringing
Why do you stand there little one
Ignoring all that’s around you
The madness dripping from your ears
The lustful hunger calls your name
So as you stay in your white room
The nice men in there clean white coats
And the pleasant music that runs around
The yellow ducks can not be found
Your mother cry’s as she hears the sound
There is little to fear
Oh little one who cry’s our name
The gods are laughing with you
Or crying as it seems
The madness pours from your ears
And drips around all day long
There is little to fear
The moon is laughing in your ear
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi! KnightTeen from the Green Room Knights here to give you a review.
At first glance, I like it. The title freaked me out a bit (That's just who I am) but it's really suited to the work.
The stanzas are even (it doesn't matter if they are or not but personally, I like it when they are) and well spaced, the rhymes (when they are there) are good and well-written. Not very many authors can pull off rhyme successfully, but when they do it is always a pleasure to read.
When I review poetry I never censure grammar unless I see a really big, inexcusable error. I do not see one here, so we are moving on.
The actual content of the poem is rather eerie. The content is amazing, you have very good imagery. I could clearly see what your narrative spoke of (which is what makes it eerie). You did a good job of placing all the small things together to create this larger work, and I commend you for it.
I like this a lot.
It flows very well, and I love the title. It caught my attention right away. (p.s. I love your picture.)
"The madness dripping from your ears
The lustful hunger calls your name
So as you stay in your white room
The nice men in there clean white coats
And the pleasant music that runs around"
This was my favorite part of the poem. It all fits together very well, and that's sometimes hard for some writers to do. But you did a phenomenal job.
You created great visuals, and used a great combination of words to paint the story in the readers mind.
Keep up the amazing work. I can't wait to see more!
I loved the poem, and I like how there us so much you.can pull from it. I think
That I would prefer you may have rhymed more, but other that nicely done.
thank you
Hey Zolen!
I took this to mean that you're personifying the ear here. Almost like the "essence of ear" has little in common with its natural shape, or if by "nature" you mean its function?
This is a bold and stark statement that works in the sense that it makes me curious to read on, but it's the type of thing that calls for some elaboration. I want to know why, but the next line doesn't flow well from that thought. The next line to me seemed like a fragment that was sort of stuck in there, and I'm not seeing the connection or how one line or thought is flowing to the other.
The sun line is interesting. But again - it's almost like the point of view is switching as our attention goes from ear to sun - and then we're introduced to a second subject "your" that we laugh/humiliate at. So far, the first stanza doesn't really connect all of its ideas very well - however, I can certainly feel the madness in it.
The next stanza does well compared to the first in that the lines do flow from one idea to the next. Rhyme shows up here all of a sudden from the joke/cloak couplet near the end, which is a bit off-putting when the rest of the poem up to this point completely avoids rhyme. It puts a lot of emphasis on those last two lines in stanza 2, but we're not sure why or how it functions in connection with the whole at that point.
The rest of the poem gets kind of sing-songy from there, partly to do with rhyme--all the spinning/ringing found/sounds. By the third stanza, we can definitely feel the madness of the poem for sure and without question. When I read through it, I imagine like this maniacal laughter going on in the background, which is... a really cool effect!
Just make sure to reign your poems up tight and maybe edit the first part of it. Compared to stanzas 3-6, the first two stick out like a sore thumb.
Hope this helps,
Audy
The simi broken nature of this poem is something that I like to call, "qualified reaction" it's intentionally warped for the sake of interpretation, with some of the stanzas later moved or removed entirely in later editing to echo that fact. While there is no reason to do that in short poems, in longer ones like this, it helps with setting the mood that I am trying to bring.
Thank you for your criticism, tis helpful!
Also while I rather not explain art, I will mention that the poem personifies, body, mind, and soul using symbolism, technically creating 3 different poems put together.
Incredible flow! Very much a poem which evokes the mind to think further and expand your prospective!
" The yellow ducks can not be found
Your mother cry’s as she hears the sound
There is little to fear
Oh little one who cry’s our name
The gods are laughing with you
Or crying as it seems
The madness pours from your ears
And drips around all day long
There is little to fear
The moon is laughing in your ear"
I love how simple this is and how it flows.
"The madness pours from your ears"
Will know be in my head all day long. My only criticism would be that each stanza as great flow, but maybe making better transitions between stanzas. Although this a poem i believe you read a few times, getting a different meaning each time which makes it a work of art!
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Thank you is all I can think to say. Happy you liked it is another thing.
Hello there, here for a review to your poetic work.
Plenty of things written in this one.the poem is full on about nature .Its full of life as it seems.
The flow is smooth, not very rhymic though but seems full of madness and 'cry'-you mentioned it a couple of times though.
The division of the poetic work into paragraphs is certainly a notable feature. It helps in keeping the interest alive enough for the readers to glue in.
It certainly would have taken you some time off to write such a piece and any work done with patience and perseverance can be compelling and richly rewarding , my friend. So write a couple of more poems or pieces of verses, whatever that suites you better.
In all keep up the good work, get inspired and motivated and continue doing what you believe you can do best.
Personally my favourite paragraphs were:-
The madness dripping from your ears
The lustful hunger calls your name
So as you stay in your white room
The nice men in there clean white coats
And the pleasant music that runs around
The yellow ducks can not be found
Your mother cry’s as she hears the sound
There is little to fear
Oh little one who cry’s our name
The gods are laughing with you.
Nice compilation.
hm, like the above that I commented to, all I can say is thank you and happy that you enjoyed.