fisfulls of oragami please tact and smooth space splatter floors fixed bells with bad clouds it rains like say and hoards all the fools as green towers breach the sky for tea the sun wrecks dreams for sunday it pines the silence it breaks everywheres meditation paper that cracks away the words that butt a delicate way on a set afternoon is punched with violet like god and hand that pinches the book sameplace kneaded with fork lines and beaver maybe taken to as far away near cry maybe in borrowed streams watch two waves hit and carve out jam only to build castles upon an opened chest crush some bones end the real by walking home fold and refold a perfect line paste it all with needles and teasers craft something on garbage day and throw it gone here to pull apart fingers mended by stone please right in moments ago please forever with bread for birds please not here danced the pathetic pole smile and be destroyed today
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140,793 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hello, Subtle here for a review on review day! I think I can guess why this work has so little reviews, not because is bad (because is brilliant) but because of how intimidating it is. There is little to nitpick here and you use language beautifully here, I get a feel of you Juxtapositioning different words and playing around language and somehow you have pulled it off. I'm impressed, it takes flair to do that.
Seriously, you write achingly well with language, especially in poetry as you paint the most vivid and palpable emotions.
Though like EmeraldEyes said, I think your poem could use some punctuation it would flow better and help the readers to understand it better.
Overall, great poem!
Hello. XD
I like this work but I don't understand why you haven't used more punctuation, that would make the reading a lot easier because it flows into one HUGE thing at the moment. However, content wise it was good.
Particularly:
'cry maybe in borrowed streams
watch two waves hit and carve out jam'
You use language well.
Just add some punctuation and you will be all there.
I also like the font, it was very scripty.