Dear you,
I need to yell at you.
*pause while I yell into my pillow*
I feel better now. Not. I want to see you! You have already shown me your (inherrentt) amazing qualities. I can take whatever it is you want to show me! I won’t judge you (hopefully).
Fine! I will write to you, but I have to confess this. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing. I have never had a “boyfriend” before and not that you are one, but I still just want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. So…yeah.
Anyway, how are you? What a stupid question. I am horrible at small talk. I talk about whatever comes to my mind, and everyone else can suffer the consequences. So, let’s talk about lions. They are very big. Did you know that the biggest lion weighed almost 700 lbs? I wish I could have seen that...They also have very good senses. They can see almost five times better than a human! They could track you from so far away! They can also can hear prey from over a mile away! ...What am I doing?...See, this is what happens when I don't know what to say; I just start rambling! Sorry. That was weird.
Why do you write with like perfect grammar and stuff? It seems beautifully formal. Not that I don’t like it, just wondering. It is (flatering) flattering that you care that much to write like that.
With interest,
Ariel
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140,483 Literary Works • 673,249 Reviews
Ok, I really liked this letter. I think the reason that iI liked it so much is because she attempts at small talk. This is really relatable to most people, definitely me. Every time that I try to make small talk while I'm nervous it come out like "so...uhh...how about that sky today...talk about blue."
One thing is that she seems to get worse grammar when she started talking about hiss formal grammar. I would just say that keep it sort of consistent. But overall it was really good.
I look forward to reading part four.
keep up the good work
Thank you to http://www.lions.org/ for the information about lions, and thank you to LadyLazarus for the suggestion. It was helpful
These are so fascinating! What an awesome idea! And Ariel is so spunky and I love her reaction to Anonymous' letters. Sooo fantastic!
Anyway, a review would probably be nice, wouldn't it?
I don't want to correct too much, because a lot of what's written is clearly personality. But I think some of the personality-bearing parts can be improved. Specifically:
While this is entertaining, I feel is somehow gets a little much. I can't really describe my feelings about this very well, only that I feel while Ariel is clearly frustrated, she is also infatuated with this idea of love and would try to impress Anonymous. But I like the whales. That part made me laugh, and I think you should take it and run. "Whales are mammals and are the largest animals in the world, the largest being the Blue Whale. They rest one-half of their brain while they sleep--which could be impressive if most people in this school didn't manage to go about their lives with one half of their brains turned off. Let's see...they sing to attract mates and sperm whales are not named for male reproductive cells...okay, that was awkward. I admit it." See? I had fun with that! But do whatever you want with it.
I think my major point is that a balance of flirtation and frustration would work better.
I'm on to the next part!
~Laz
As I promised, I'm here to review part 3! Wish me luck, and I might not be so accurate. I must warn you!
You should fix this part. I highly doubt her hand is strong enough to write all that.
This is the second time she has said that. First time in part 1. This should be rewritten or deleted.
Please permit me to suggest that "UGH" (shortened) should be more rather, "Never mind". Like I said, it must be hard for her to write all that.
Everything else is fine. This is beautiful like the last two parts. However, I do believe that the second part was the best one so far, but do not be discouraged!
I'm off for the fourth part! Keep writing!