Fetishes here,
Fetishes there,
Fetishes
Everywhere.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
this is great stuff.
Ha! Love it!
Ha! Oh man... my friend would enjoy this. She's in DA and she knows the feels. Her most popular works are... well, you know. The ones that identify with this poem. Her other work? PFFT. It gets ignored!
One thing I would suggest is that you change your punctuation a bit. I might make it look like:
I also think it sounds better if you say fetishes twice in the third line. It gives it more of a poetic lilt. Besides, everyone wants more fetishes, right?
So, it would look like this:
I also like the title a lot. The title of this poem really makes it. If it weren't for the title, the humor would not be as apparent and it would be very confusing.
Hope this helps!
One trick pony right here.
Hey. Drop here. I get the joke, it made me chuckle, but overall the poem wasn't effective. This appeals to such a small audience that the majority of your readers won't understand. From what I know, DeviantArt is a cool place. You're trashing it. However, the reader should know WHY you're trashing it. If I called you stupid, yet have nothing to back it up, would it offend you? Exactly. This should be a bit bigger and make a bit more sense.
thanks.
I think you misunderstood the poem a bit. I am not calling all of DeviantArt stupid. Actually, I think DeviantArt has a lot of potential and a lot of cool artists. However, I think it's ridiculous how the fetishes always get the most attention.
Either way, I see your point of view and totally respect it. Thank you for reviewing!
Hello!
So I'm not well versed in DA or the fetishes of it. I will attempt to review this to the best of my ability.
So, while there is room for these sorts of things, especially in political cartoons, I feel like you really have to pick your audience for these things. I don't really think posting this as a literary work on YWS is the best thing for this. I understand that you want to improve your writing, and that's probably why you posted it to be reviewed, but I think a large part of writing is knowing your audience. This is kind of a hard thing to review in that there's not really anything that could be wrong with this. There's not much for me to critique here.
I could sit here and argue with whether I agree with your perspective or not, but that's not why we review. I don't know how to tell you to improve from this other than my talk on audiences already.
This is probably perfect for the thing that it will be used for. This isn't going in a collection of serious poems. More likely it'll be a witty quip to bring up whenever someone mentions DA.
As a literary work though, there's not much to critique.
Knowing your audience is an important part of writing, and I'm hoping that's what this review will impart to you today. Let me know if you have any further questions.
Keep writing!
~fortis
Also, if you want to put this into your poetry folder, you can still do that. You just have to go to the edit button, click submit, and then you'll be brought to a screen where it gives you a couple options of where to go next. One of those is "set options for this work" if you click that, you'll be able to change what folder it's in. ^^
Thank you for your review!
Obviously, this isn't everyone's cup of tea. I am a rather random person and tend to be very hyper. Since a big portion of my followers seem to be the people who like randomness, I didn't find any harm in posting it here. I know this is difficult to review, especially since it's so short and could totally be longer, so I'm glad to see people actually did respond to it.
As for your help, I believe that if I edit the options, it will end up erasing the reviews. I'll see what I can do, though.
Thank you!
Oh no, there's certainly no harm in posting it here. And I understand your sentiments. I was just trying to give you as much writing advice as could be warranted from this.
And no, you won't erase the reviews if you edit the options. I've done it many times and nothing's changed.
Thank you for your help!
Hey there, President! IronSpark here for a short review.
First of all, I think this is really true. DeviantArt is deviant in more than one way. But I would like to suggest two things. First of all, that line break after the third line is kind of awkward for me. You have a nice rhyme here, and I'm reading the first two lines in a nice rhythm, and that line break doesn't make sense for me. I'd just keep it to three lines, like "Fetishes here, / fetishes there, / fetishes everywhere." Anyhow. Now that I'm done with that nitpick, I agree with Falconer. Trust me, there's a lot more about DeviantArt that you could joke about!
That being said, this is pretty funny. In fact, I just literally laughed out loud and everyone in the room (who couldn't see what I was reading) looked at me like I was crazy. DeviantArt is an extraordinarily strange place and you communicated that so well in just six words.
As we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome!
IronSpark
Thank you for your review!
I'm sorry that the ending is a little awkward. Personally, I thought the ending would sound spaced out, so I separated it. I completely understand where you're coming from, though, and I don't think it's nitpicky at all.
I'm glad to hear that this made you laugh! I thought this was a small short-and-sweet piece, but I really didn't expect someone to get a good laugh at it! Thank you, and have a nice day!
Hello xPresident!
This is an entertaining poem.
I loved your repetition of the word fetish! Also, I felt that there was an emphasis on the word everywhere because it got it's own line.
Even though this is your interpretation of DeviantArt, and it's shortness is what makes it funny, you may want to consider extending it. You could have an opening stanza with a little bit of imagery describing and introducing DeviantArt for those who don't know what it is, and then end with this lovely and accurate stanza.
Best of luck!
-Falco
Thank you for your review!
The actual reason for this poem is that I was talking to my friend. We are both artists, and we both have reasonable respect for DeviantArt, but there's one thing we both agree on: THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY FETISHES.
I do realize this is short, and I understand that might get on people's nerves or confuse people who have no clue what DA is. However, I like the fact it's short. Thanks for the recommendation, though!
Totally forgot to put in the poetry folder again.
Dear Lord.
*claps* good job Prez. T
Shut up I fixed it XD