Flawed

Wow, this is really cool. If you keep on writing like this, I believe that you will be a great poet as you move on and along. Overall, this is quite okay, nothing to offence. I really liked it.

Is that so?

Well I wouldn't know.

I think the first two lines of your second stanza are your strongest. You convey your message effectively through a relatively interesting image. The problem is that the second two lines of the stanza do not connect, but could probably just be shifted downwards. The rest is really sub-par, the "ticking time bomb" metaphor especially. Not only does it not work because it's such a clichéd metaphor already, but it rides in tandem with the already cliché theme of your poem. Had you not prefaced your poem with a note that separates yourself from the narrator, I probably would have not reviewed your poem, thinking it was just an angry tween who had never read any poetry outside of this site. However, your statement of insincerity means that this poem could have been absolutely anything, and yet you decided to adhere to the "I can't live up to your expectations" theme. Not only did you do that, but you did it in such a boring way. "I'm actually everyone's target" is one of the blandest lines I've ever read in poetry, and it does not read well at all. Pretty much all your problems stem from a clichéd theme, clunky writing, and disconnected lines/images. I suggest working on improving on all of those.

Wow. I don't know if I understood this well, but it felt very dark. This atmosphere of this poem I mean. Overall, I liked it and I think it could use some revisions, as you've said so yourself. Also, I couldn't find anything wrong with spelling or grammar or any other type of mistakes. Nonetheless, I like the message behind it so great job. -IceWinifredd