Based on "Arabian Dances" by Roland Barrett
My hands are shaking nervously:
It feels as if my feet are stepping on burning sand
With nothing but a loose pair of sandals on,
I can feel the crowd's glare burning, as they stare at me
And it starts.
I move my feet forward
In the form of fingers trembling on top of metallic keys
As the room floods with sound
And overlapping mountains of sand
While my feet carry onward.
As I try to keep the tempo,
I know it will be over soon
In which I am not sure if I should be glad,
Sad that the moment has disappeared,
Or both, for the fact that it happened, but it is gone.
And just like I came,
I slowly melt into a steady beat;
Just like a cobra waiting in a basket
Graceful yet dangerous with powerful venom
We bite.
We come together
And the landscape shifts into a crowd filled with people;
Dancing and celebrating
The glorious birth
Of the Arabian sands.
We all start to clap,
Both the "dancers" as well as the audience,
As we pretend that arms are intertwined
While we dance on the hot sand in sparkling outfits
Adorned in precious jewels.
In this moment
We are adventurers;
We are explorers;
We are dancers
of the Arabian.
The hourglass holds its final grains:
We all dance together in the final moment,
The glistening sun rays grasp at our quickly paced movements
We arrive at the end
But one day we will dance around the oasis again.
I am left wondering,
Even after the clicking of the keys stop
And the notes have come to a halt,
If I have left even their minds
Dancing.
Thank you for reading! The link to the mp3 of "Arabian Dances" is in the comments. Feedback is much appreciated! I would like to thank a friend of mine for helping me edit this grammatically. If it weren't for him, there would be a lot of issues in this poem!
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi XPresidentTurtlesX,
This a really beautiful piece, (The poem and the music). I can tell you really loved playing this piece by the amount of well written poetry that went into this poem. The only part that I'm not sure about grammatically is,
We are adventurers;
We are explorers;
We are dancers
of the Arabian.
"Of the Arabian." Just doesn't sound right. I'm not sure what the correct word would be but Arabian is a adjective, not a place.
Other than that this is an amazing poem, and overall I love it. As always, keep writing.
-Incohesive Scribbles
Hello!
My favorite part was this-
Great job, and keep writing!! 
Great poem! The only thing I was going to say was already mentioned.
"Even after the clicking of the keys stop
And the notes have come to a halt,
If I have left even their minds
Dancing."
This is great - and as for the song, it's awesome!
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome
Hiya~ :3
Oh gosh, where do I begin... There was a lot of things to like here! Your description and telling of all the events were smooth as silk, and I could perfectly keep the image of the dancers and crowd in my mind as I read this!
I really liked how there was always mentions of sand around this poem, from the dunes, to the grains in the hourglass, to the dancer saying how they feel like they're stepping on hot sand. It really tied in to the whole Arabian theme you were going for. It also helped with the small mention of their outfits with jewels and sparkles. That was a really pretty line ^^
My only one nitpick about this is the "We are adventures; we are explorers; we are dancers of the Arabian." After re-reading this, it seems like it would be better placed at the ending of this poem. Kind of like the speaker being proud of their heritage, and despite getting nerves while preforming, expressing how proud they feel as a person of this land. But, that is my only complaint in an otherwise flawless piece of poetry.
Keep up the good work! You're doing great my dear ^^
~Despondence
It is amazing.
Hey, FireBird99 here for a review!
I really enjoyed this poem. You painted a clear picture of what was happening. The colors. The moves. The crowd. Awesome job! In a way, this poem reminded me of Ukrainian dancing because I have some friend who Ukrainian dance and it is pretty cool to see.
The flow went well. The only word that sounded a little out of place is 'glare' in the fourth sentence down. I always see glaring as well glaring. You might have meant it that way...I'm not sure. I'll let you decide.
I was reading this in a room full of kids and my mind didn't wander all that much, so good job! Keep up the writing!
Fire
I had some lines to keep it organized, but for some reason it deleted them. It's supposed to be 5 lines per stanza, and I apologize for that.
Here's the link to "Arabian Dances" by Roland Barrett:
http://listeninglab.stantons.com/title/ ... es/426990/
I had a lot of fun playing this at my concert Thursday night. I also had a solo in it, in which only I along with a little bit of percussion as well as a measure of a flute playing (a measure is four beats for those of you who aren't aware). I've considered becoming a musician or music teacher due to how much fun I had playing this. I can't wait to play in band again next year!
I hope you guys enjoyed this piece and that it wasn't too long.
Thank you for all the feedback as well as reading the piece!