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142,228 Literary Works • 677,045 Reviews
Merry Christmas in July! It's your Secret Santa again to review this post as well.
To start off, I'm really enjoying these conversations and dialogues that explore the inner mental workings of a modern teenage girl. I can see that you're satirizing this new societal "norm" by way of the jocular dialogue.
Now, the only problem I can see here is the extensive use of capitalization. I can understand that some may be used for comedic effect here and there, but too much and it can become distasteful. It's just warning that if there's a certain niche you're using in a work, don't over-use it or the reader will grow tired of it and/or dismiss it entirely.
Other than that I truly liked the short little work and I hope you have a merry Christmas in July.
Keep writing!
-Goku
This is a VERY ORIGINAL POEM. Ok, I must admit that I have never read such a type of poem so I'm glad you wrote it. The conversation is kind of humorous. You managed to make me smile which I do not normally do when I read a poem. That's a good thing. I. Totally love the conversation especially the last part. This poem hooks the reader till the last part, making him curious on how it ends.
So...... Well done!!!!!
Hello there here is a me with a review for you although it may not be very big or very good but still I will give it my best because it is review day.
Hopes it helps you out although it may not be very good.
First off this was more like a one sided conversation and that first comment about his brightness was not the very best just not a good thing to say on YWS at least that is what I read but that is just me.
And another thing is that you need to un capitalize some of these words.
I mean who would want to read on and another thing is that need to put some periods in.
But your spelling and grammar was great.
So until later"God be with you and good bye."
Keep writing and good luck.
Hope it helped you out.
Forgive me if I rambled I do that a lot and also just try again you should have seen my first post anyway sorry if I was to harsh or if I rambled.
~Jon~
WOW LOL...after reading this i feel down grated into a clueless fly
..love your writting keep it up..