You can't keep me here.
You know that right?
It's my right to leave.
I'm an American citizen.
No, I guess I don't need ANOTHER video game.
With 3-D graphics.
And new avatars.
AND lots of puzzles.
Fun, challenging, mind-boggling puzzles.
..........
OKAY FINE!
I need it!
You win!
I'll support your high and mighty corporate CEO,
But I won't be happy about it.
Wait!
This has all new villains?
This is the best thing ever!
I can wait.
........
........
.................
WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?
Do they not know that I want to BUY something?
What is that guy chatting about?
He's already payed!
You know no one actually uses the warranties!
Hmmmm....
..........
Finally!
He's gone!
............
............
..................
Thank God!
Two more people ahead of me!
Almost there.
............
............
............
I gotta pee.
Could we pick this up?
I drank two sodas before I got here.
*tap, tap, tap, tap, tap*
*tap, tap, tap, tap, tap*
*tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap*
"Excuse me ma'am?"
Huh?
What?
Oh!
"Could you please stop tapping your foot?"
"Sorry."
............
*ta-tap, tap, tap, tap, ta-tap*
*ta-tap, tap, tap, tap, ta-tap*
*ta-tap, tap, tap, tap, ta-tap, tappity, tap, tap, ta-tap, tappity*
"Ma'am!?"
"Sorry!"
Did she roll her eyes at me?
I think she rolled her eyes at me!
*tap, tap, ta-*
Eh!
No, no, no
Don't start that again.
"MA'AM!
That is quite enough!"
"SORRY!
I've gotta pee, and this line is taking forever!"
You know when she rolls her eyes,
You can see all the veiny things on her eyeball-
Wait a second!
I'm I just gonna take this?
Eek, she's glaring at me.
I'll just leave her alone.
*tap*
Whoops.
"That's IT!!!!
You insolent little-!"
That's a lot of expletives.
"Can I help you two?"
Is that the store manager?
He's got a pin saying manager on his shirt.
Either he's the manager or a really proud pick-pocket.
"I'm going to have to ask you two to leave."
"But I haven't bought my game yet-"
"Too bad."
Ouch, thrown out of the store.
I didn't know they actually threw people.
"This all your fault you little cow!"
Oh, it's you again.
Great....
"I was trying to buy a gift for my son,
And now his birthday will be ruined!"
"And I was buying a gift for myself."
That's right,
I'll just walk away all cool.
Cause I got the last word.
Hey look!
It's mommy!
"Hey, mom."
Thats right cool....
"Did you get your game?"
"They were sold out."
I enjoyed this poem quite a bit. I got a bit confused in some parts but it was my fault for trying to talk on the phone and read poems. Ha-Ha. I really loved this poem because it brought my kid out of me. We all remember the days when we annoyed people with our tapping and our loud voices. I thought it was pretty funny throughout the entire poem. Definitely a poem that should be noticed and read by more people. Please excuse my errors, I am typing fast and keep writing. It was good.
This is a wonderful poem! It pulls a lot of laughs and you smile through out the whole thing. Its just a simple one that you did very well. I saw one sentence problem which is just something real small.
Can't wait to read more from you!
"I'm I just gonna take this?" Which is 'am' turned to 'I'm', right? Please correct me if I am wrong.
Other than that, from what I could see, you had an Excellent poem that I sincerely hope gets big.
Thank you for the excellent read!
Little Storm Writer, GG <3
great poem! great structure and use of words. I love the way it dosnt ryme! its excellent and good use of adjectives. i want to read more of your excellent work! your such a great writer and i want to read more of your fantastic work! i love they its set out and i love the way you have used speech and punctuation. Please post more of your work and give everybody the pleasure of reading it!
Really good use of punctuation. Its set out really well and is soo good. The poem has meaning and is well written. I liked the rhiterical questions, it really made think. I enjoyed reading this poem. Well done and keep posting
Review train coming through!
This story is hilarious and funny, but only one thing makes it wrong. This seems like a short story rather than a poem. A poem isn't made by making it look like a abundance of stanzas. A poem is literature from the heart only shorter and a larger meaning. Other than that, this is a hilarious 'short story'.
Keep writing!
~IQ
This is how I write poems. I don't like to over-dramitize
Let me start by saying that was the most amusing, hilarious thing I have ever read! I absolutely love this. I felt like this would be me in a store. Your description of the poem also amused me, and that's what got me to read it in the first place. And I thought it was going to be a straight line, not a people line.
Anyway, I loved it, and I love the way its written. Its non-standard in its style, and it just made it much more fun to read rather than a strict, structured poem. Personally, I like that style much better.
You also succeeded in making me want to keep reading your poem rather than getting halfway through and wondering why I had even clicked this link. Instead, you kept my attention and kept me laughing the entire way through.
I liked the descriptions you had as well. You did not just have simple everyday words, but instead you used descriptions and word choices that are not generally used. This added a unique touch which kept me reading to see what you were going to say next.
Overall, very excellent and I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work!