i.
Landlocked.
ii.
Born and raised
on the west coast.
iii.
The idea
of being right there
with the Leviathan.
iv.
The contrast of
optimism and pessimism,
fueled by a sense of humor,
never failed to interest me.
v.
When I was 14,
I had this weird obsession
of watching Captain Phillips
and Surf's Up three times a day
for three weeks straight.
vi.
At age seven,
my mom took me to swimming lessons
and once there, I thought the teacher
was going to drown me,
so I kicked and scream.
Eventually I taught myself.
vii.
Being young
is what it's all about,
being self aware
while telling someone to screw off
because "I'm just being a teen,
man,
just leave me alone".
viii.
I once heard a song
about waves,
it was actually pretty depressing.
However,
it was the chords that fueled it.
People care about the lyrics,
the frosting on the cake,
but I care about the bread.
ix.
I sit on the pavement
outside of a supermarket
and drink as much one dollar teas
as possible until my bladder bursts.
The closest thing to feeling claustrophobic
as I can get,
except the fact
that claustrophobia
doesn't taste like fruit punch.
x.
I lack balance,
yet I maintain a high self esteem.
Look at all those people
who actually struggle in life,
those who experience
"raw things".
My life is bland,
so it has always interested me.
We always admire people
who do things
we can't do.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I like this poem. I love how it emphasizes the feeling of pessimism and nihilism within each part.
I love how you used the "Leviathan" to symbolize your obsession with water; the leviathan being the embodiment of envy and how you envy fish and how they're able to live in water.
"I sit on the pavement
outside of a supermarket
and drink as much one dollar teas
as possible until my bladder bursts.
The closest thing to feeling claustrophobic
as I can get,
except the fact
that claustrophobia
doesn't taste like fruit punch."
I can see how this example of the mundane parts of your life and how the crushing aspects of it makes you feel suffocated and claustrophobic.
"I lack balance,
yet I maintain a high self esteem.
Look at all those people
who actually struggle in life,
those who experience
"raw things".
My life is bland,
so it has always interested me.
We always admire people
who do things
we can't do."
You put up a facade to mask how you feel when around everyone; you don't show people how bland and boring your existence is and so you don't want to show it.
Anyways, i love the poem; please, keep writing.
That was interesting. You have this way of writing that is just so unique I almost don't believe it when I see it. As I'm an idiot sometimes, I almost didn't catch the way you structured this, but now that I realized it, bravo. You formatted this really well, and it didn't seem rushed as you added more and more lines. Man, I could never write something like this.
Your language was good, and didn't feel forced at any time. This lets the reader into your mind without blatantly saying which is definitely refreshing. I agree with some of what you wrote in this, like the last or the seventh one. You wrote this really well. Can I be you when I grow up, I mean sheesh, you are so brilliant I can barely stand it! Never stop writing. You are just so great, and I'm sorry. I must sound like a weirdo right now, so I'll leave it to that.
-bravo once again.
Funny, creative, unapologetic. You're like 16? Respect.
Last stanza my favorite. Not sure what it had to do with water.
'I lack balance,
yet I maintain a high self esteem.'
'My life is bland,
so it has always interested me.'
Nice, feels authentic. Declarative and personal, worked out a bit before written.
Stanza 8 is a tad pretentious.
Landlocked. Love it, gains meaning as the poem unravels.
Cool imagery in general.