Roll on a skateboard down a hill,
let everyone know how depressing
your life is
and how big
your fear of growing up is.
------
Angst kills us all,
cancer is a myth,
subtlety is false,
natural causes are whack,
and everything in our lives
mean nothing.
------
Embrace things depressing
and beat it like a dead horse.
If the horse is close to your heart,
drive a stake through its side.
-------------
Tell me once again
about how my joke wasn't funny
because face it,
if you can't make a joke
out of life,
then that's
a contradicting statement.
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138,979 Literary Works • 672,395 Reviews
I think this poem is amazing. It´s a very rough conception og how life is. It´s very short and simple, and that´s the thing i love most about it. It didn´t need advanced words to be good, it jus was.
Such swagger!
I feel lighter having read it.
I love your poem! Like the other reviews said, the structure is amazing and the pace keeps the reader wanting to read the rest.
I also think that the overall meaning is really interesting. I can agree with you on many points. Especially "everything in our lives means nothing". I thought that line was great.
Secondly, I like the way the poem still sounded great and flowed well even though there was little rhyming.
I also really liked the metaphors you used. And how you described fighting depression etc...
But your last verse was the best, I loved how one line flowed into the other but still remained separate. And what you said about not making jokes about our lives. I really get it.
Keep writing-that poem was amazing.
Tick tock
Hi Stranger!
I'm here to give your poem Fuzz a review this fine Saturday mornings, though I thought it was Sunday for some reason.
Okay, I loved how you put this in centered spacing. I feel like it gives your poem an even bigger impact than it would have had in the regular left spacing.
You line structure is amazing. I really caught onto the long and short lines that flowed in and out like an ocean's tide. I feel like it caught my attention as I was reading and was one of the many things that caused me to keep reading on.
I don't really have anything negative to tell you about this poem. Some may say you need to capitalize the words at the start of the different lines, but with poetry you can play around the rules. I think it works better how you have it right now. To capitalize the words would to subtract meaning from this piece.
Okay this is one of my favorite parts because well, I''m not very sure. I had to look up what angst means, but when I figured out it's definition it strengthened this stanza. I think I liked it for the reason that everything is true, especially in today's society.
I have to get ready for work, or I would continue on with this review.
I hope to see more from you, Stranger!
~Tulip.
I like your poem here, and I think you are using a topic that most people don't think much about. However you do have an error. You seem to be talking about more than one topic at once which may be confusing for some. Other than that, I like this. Please forgive me for the short review, I am ridiculously tired right now... Either way, good job, pardon me while I.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I don't see the constructiveness in this to be honest.
Sorry sir, I am somewhat new to this, and dead tired, so please forgive me if I accidentally post the review over and over, make stupid errors, or give a ridiculous review. If you like, I shall come back tomorrow after I have had a good night's sleep, and shall give you a review that shall actually be relatively good. Until then I shall be like this =_= and shall be wishing you luck.
I don't find an excuse for it Since people never review out of the Green Room so it's whatever.