Young Writers Society

Hey! Cello here for a quick review!

I really like the creativity in this. You quickly switched from 'poetic' to 'casual' multiple times and made it all work.

I likes the formatting too. It added positively to the poem. (Sorry, I'm not the best at putting praise into words)

If I had two suggestions though- (Which I do)

Or.......

Hey Stranger,
It's MergSword here during review day for a review.

I like this poem because I can relate to this poem of boredom, I think we all can. Everybody's been bored.

I say this to everybody basically because it's true, and I really like the creativity of this poem.
What, it's true? I like creativity the best when it comes to poetry.

The only thing I don't like is that it seems like you wrote this just for the sake of writing it. Unless you were super bored and thought, hey why not make a poem on my boredom, there isn't any reason you should have written it.

Also I skipped the humor part. In which I only have one word: Acid.

Man, this poem just swaggers across the page (in more ways than one)!

I have to say, I don't quite understand the rhyming structure. At first, it seem that you rhymed the last lines of the first and second verses. But then no such thing happened between the last lines of the succeeding verses, which confused me.

But, I'm no poet, and rhyming structure doesn't really bother or interest me if the attitude in the poem, the language/vocabulary used in it, or any authorial insight in the poem is excellent.

I loved the lazy, cynical, off-the-wall attitude in this. What a character! The random details like the music references, the cat, the acid, the keyboard, and facebook, the bedroom setting... they helped create a very specific image (suburban teen, self-pitying in his bedroom on the weekend, no parents around) that strikes a familiar note with many people, and they made the poem come alive.

I thought this was a very believable character, and one I might enjoy reading more about (but only in brief, poem form). I don't particularly like (representations of self-pitying teenagers who eventually jump so easily and melodramatically to notions like suicide or self-harm are, at best, really disgusting and over-the-top).

Great work on this!

"Third, find a keyboard
and let your hand bleed
all over the keys.
Write a song,
or maybe a poem
and use your blood as ink."



this line though...

Hi, Stranger! I sound like I'm hitting on you now, oh my god. Anyway, this is Storygirl95 dropping by for a review!
First off, let me tell you how much I adore when poetry is not all on one side of the page. The disjointed feel brings attention to the poem, but it somehow comes together in the end. I LOVE IT.
I too am lame, and also bored. And an insomniac. Hence the reason I review at 3 in the morning.
Although I've never done and don't plan to any time soon, I do think that mind altering drugs can bring about interesting experiences. Some of the best musical artists in the world have gone to a place inaccessible to those of us in a conscious and sound state of mind.
I love some of the imagery you have here. Especially the verse, "Third, find a keyboard
and let your hand bleed
all over the keys.
Write a song,
or maybe a poem
and use your blood as ink."
I don't need drugs to cry over my past Facebook messages. If only to wonder how on earth I could say such stupid things haha.
I don't have any critiques(I hate being that person who doesn't offer criticism), so I apologize.
Overall, a very powerful and easy to read piece. I enjoyed it a lot, and it made my night less boring and lame.
Thanks for the read, and keep writing!

Woah. Nice work. First, I loved the structure; the way you separated your stanzas and how you placed every thing. That's the first time ive seen that on this site. Very cool. I think it adds to this crazed, mess of a person vibe your poem has going on.
To start, I loved the little rhyme scheme that started happening in that second stanza. Town and down, great. The only thing that might've thrown me off a little bit was that last "town." I thought maybe changing that last line to just "while your parents are out" would do wonders for the flow of that stanza.
I think secondly is awkward where its at too. Im thinking try using something simpler like "then."
I also think you can change the line from "WHILE screaming at your cat" to "I scream at my cat."
I think the very first line of that fourth stanza is AMAZING. So powerful. The whole stanza in general took on this dark vibe. I thought it was really cool.
Last paragraph, the only suggestion I have is maybe changing the last line to "What am I doing wrong?" I thought adding a rhyme to that one would create a great flow.
This is a great poem and im excited to read more from you. Nice work, hope this review was some help to you.