Published March 23, 2016
I
Redoing my hair until it looks presentable
and until there is hair all over the bathroom floor.
For one day let me go into the world
how I woke up.
Maybe if I did I would look natural.
Or not and I'd still look be a product of the media even if I wore my hair down.
II
Before collapsing onto the floor
I was thinking of love triangles how they collapse as soon as they're made three dimensional.
So I will be a ray
my arrow always searching and never stopping,
III
Avoiding going on Facebook for all the usual reasons and more.
Maybe I can evade her
at least until the end of Spring Break.
IV
I am "Living like there's no tomorrow.".
Convincing myself the future will never happen.
I can't see myself older than 18.
Surroundings and people making me paranoid of being murdered or
ran over
Or not able to pass a standardized test that lacks efficiency on testing what I've learned.
V
Zombies eating our already dead brains
roaming the earth sloppily
turning us all into creatures that we aren't that different from.
The sun exploding
burning us all up
without time to even panic.
Pandemic seeping through the masks
put on to breathe.
Masks that aren't able to stop illness
from killing us all.
I think that the apocalypse will involve cows
though no one will believe me.
"That's ridiculous."
And the idea of a single person creating every piece of flesh on our bodies isn't.
The cow says, "Moo. Moo. Revelation!"
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Hi, Hunter here for a review,
Your poem is a good outline. What id like to suggest instead of putting a break in the segments, try to make a simple transition.
You also need to just talk from the heart with poetry. your thinking to much with the philosophy it seams.
Your second and third parts do have a connection. and it flowed, thats what I love to see. With the fourth part, there was no connection, i was utterly lost by this.
The entire last part, is smooth, nice flowing, It wasn't choppy or hard to read. There was a rhythm. A Nice flow, that just kept a beat.
Being as random as it is, good job. keep writting! your going somewhere.
Hi, Hunter here for a review,
Your poem is a good outline. What id like to suggest instead of putting a break in the segments, try to make a simple transition.
You also need to just talk from the heart with poetry. your thinking to much with the philosophy it seams.
Your second and third parts do have a connection. and it flowed, thats what I love to see. With the fourth part, there was no connection, i was utterly lost by this.
The entire last part, is smooth, nice flowing, It wasn't choppy or hard to read. There was a rhythm. A Nice flow, that just kept a beat.
Being as random as it is, good job. keep writting! your going somewhere.
Hello!
I am in a dilemma, it think i am too dumb to understand this poem or maybe you are such a random crazy poet that this poem sounds so "sensibly" random!
1)I loved the opening. Every girl can relate to it! (thanks for putting it beautifully in a poem).
2) The second part(which couldn't be connected with the first stanza properly) is a lot of philosophy. I don't think i understood it well.(but that is solely my problem, so chill!)
3) Seems something personal but the good thing here is it does flow past the second part. So it can be understood easily.No suggestions recommended here.
4) Fourth part is again melancholic. But it doesn't connect with the previous one.
5) Personally, fifth part is a beautiful and it's a awesome it again me poem in itself.
Overall i loved the concept, beginning, ending and i appreciate the writing style too! but you need to work on the flow of the poem like as part shifts the flow stps and the reader goes blank about where did this come from!?
Hope you will work on that..
#nowtrulyafanofyours !!
It's a collection of things and bits and pieces of my thoughts and things happening in my own life and it probably is quite difficult to understand. It was meant to be sort of random in its own way and wasn't connected by the thickest string.