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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi!
This is a beautiful song, I love it! The metaphors and visuals are stunning, and your use of repetition benefits this piece greatly. The song has a soothing feel to it, and is calm to read and would probably be even calmer to listen to. I actually don't have any criticism for this piece, and love it the way it is!
This is a really nice song. One thing that I noticed though is that it's very soft-sounding, while the word 'abandon' seems slightly heavier. It just seemed harsher in comparison to the rest of your lyrics. However, I do think it would make for a sweet tune. It almost sounds nostalgic, reading it. So well done! I think your lyrics were lovely and I hope you have an awesome day!
Thank you!
On "abandon": it does sound weird when you read it without emphasis, haha. But in my head, the emphasis would fall on the last syllable to balance it out.
You have a great day, too!