Young Writers Society

It's become stylish to criticize churches, but what you have here is different. It's honest and real, and I'm frankly amazed. It broke my heart, actually, especially the lines: "And I'm searching for a day/Where I can step in and just say I need help".

In many things, I've seen that people never change. There are always the people who embrace vain religiosity and who believe that God is all about getting money out of people, and who pretend to give Him glory so they'll be admired by people (when they don't really love Him at all). This poem made me think back to the days of Christ, when rich people would come and showily put large amounts of money into the offering boxes in the temple, but the small gifts of the poor were looked down upon. But Jesus said about the widow who put in two small copper coins, "She has given more than any of them", because she gave out of love, with a sincere heart.

You seem to be making a similar point in this poem. This church you refer to has made it so that they can see who gives more and who gives less, because it's become all about money and no longer about a sincere heart for Christ.

It breaks my heart because it's a terrible witness. The church is supposed to represent Christ, yet what sort of picture are they presenting of Him to the world here? "Christ loves you more if you give us more money, and less if you give us less." It's not the Gospel. The Gospel is that Christ gives us love that we don't deserve, and there is nothing we can do to merit His grace. The church needs to show that same kind of simple love to anyone who shows up. People are seeking truth and thirsting for Jesus, but if the church--the representation of Christ on earth--treats them wrongly, how can they find what they're looking for?

Ech, sorry, I started off on a rant, I think. I don't think you were trying to say ALL that in your song, but it made me think of those things. This is a beautiful, impactful, and challenging work of art, and I really like it.

Hello Arkhalon. I found this to be very interesting, and sadly, often true, view on the church. I loved this poem for the description used, and I felt that you did a great job getting across your frustration with the methods of your church's tithing system and whatnot. My favorite part from a writer's standpoint was the end stanza, and how you repeated "No _____ for the liturgy" and mention of "love". It is a dark poem that is beautifully sheathed in lovely description, much like how you view the corrupted church.
As a Christian, this poem just made me disappointed in what some churches have become. If they are making you feel forced to the point of stress over tithes and "believe this, believe that" without any personal connection, I am truly sorry. That is not the love Christians are called to give. Tithes should be a willful giving of what you have so that you can rely on Christ, but should not be forced upon the people as a measurement of God's love.
Whatever you believe currently, I'm sorry for whatever past experiences made you write this poem. People can be corrupt and have a wrong focus on what God wants, but God will never stop loving us. You have amazing potential as a writer, and I enjoyed this poem even if it made me annoyed with that church. It is beautifully structured and detailed, and I felt that the lack of punctuation added to the sense of corruption and false concern.
Thanks for sharing this.

Keep writing!

~Night

Hello

So I thought this poem was amazing! I am a Christian myself and I really enjoy learning and reading about God. This is something unique and interesting that I don't normally read about on YWS. I think it is absolutely amazing! I really don't see many people write and/or talk about God the way you wrote it hear. It just sounds like something that- I don't know. It is just amazing!

I only saw one nitpick, and that was you didn't use periods. Is this on purpose because I know some who do that, or did you not just add any? If that makes any since at all you can answer it, but it is not really that much of a concern.

I think you should write more scriptural writings because maybe some people who don't know and/or don't believe in God can read this and think about what it means to believe in him. I just really think this is a great poem that everyone should read. Weather they are Christians or not.

I also wanted to say...

How did you come up with this idea for a poem? I mean did you get it from the Bible maybe? And if you are not a Christian I do not mean to offend you with my review.

Well I think that's all.

Keep up the good writing
Love,
Dogs