excavitat

Ancient!

The rhythm and pacing here is wonderful. "Musculature" sort of opens up in your tongue, that was such a pleasant experience given the context of this poem There's not really much I can pick at, the imagery and tone here really do a wonderful job of communicating this fear-of-death idea, at least, it's what I got from it primarily. My review here is actually going to be content-based and mere suggestions, so really take it with a grain of salt, cause I have the sense I'm probably harping on my own preferences, but honestly, it's probably because this is technically sound.

I didn't get the chance to look it up, but is "excavitat" a real word, or is it the noun-form you've created from the actual word? I get the sense of it being synonymous with cadaver or corpse, so what's striking just from the first line is that it can taste at all!

Right away we find out the poem completes itself with the sensation of taste, we start out with it and we come around back to it, which for me means emphasis. The thing is, this poem is mostly image, taste isn't really elevated much. What does the taste of formaldehyde mean metaphorically? The poem begins to delve into it in the first - when it's pointed out that it is sweet, is there a sense of its allure? There's a hint of something, and it's not quite grounded. Like, when we begin the poem with the corpse tasting the formaldehyde, but then in the middle we're switching to the children and their fear (even a misunderstanding?) of death. I can sort of see a connection, like, if this was totally from the children's perspective and we begin with the tasting of the cadaver - then wouldn't that line about the children misunderstanding death be that much stronger? Because then that first line will ring so true and funny and cute in a way, they're projecting that onto the corpse and it's sad a bit to think about. However, instead, what I'm seeing is this mixture of point of view: there's a blend of the corpse, and this narrator, and the children. It's not a bad technique as far as POV goes - but instead of cementing ideas, I think the POV sort of drifts you from one idea to another.

If I really think about it though, I suppose what is different from the first to the last, is where the first instance of formaldehyde we really get this sense of its permeation - it's everywhere! In the second, I think we're suppose to get a sense of loss. ALL they taste is formaldehyde and nothing else. And I like that about this poem and this pov, is that we really can sit at it and turn it around and admire its angles and get something from it different than my first reading. Like I said, I guess it's a matter of preference. Like, how it is, we get more ambiguity. But with an added stanza, or even something so short as a line, that references back to the speaker's own thoughts or attitude towards formaldehyde I think will really round out this piece. OR my first idea, like sticking to the children's pov?

Anyways - just suggestions! I really had fun with this one!

~ as always, Audy

Cool poetry...but I have no idea what your talking about. You kinda said practically nothing...Sorry!

This is amazing!! I am in awe of your surpeme SORRY I'M A SUCKY TERRIBLE SPELLER XD surpreme UGH supreme. There I got it! Lol . Anyway I respect your eloquence, your rhythmic flow, your word choices, and highest and most importantly, your ability to tell a great and suspenseful story with just one single page. The story is frightening, suspenseful, exciting, intriguing, and god it just pulls me in!! I am extremely impressed with your excellent piece. This is the type of high-quality writing that always will leave a permanent imprint on your faithful readers. I am definitely one now !!


HIGHEST FREAKING REGARDS,

-- Sophia ( A. K. A. sbf1102 ) <3

Excellent free-verse poem. It flows very nicely; your phrases are separated so that nothing sticks out too much or too little. It's perfectly balanced. I love the... what's the word I'm looking for... consistency? of the use of the formaldehyde description; that really pulls it all together and wraps it up well. I found this poem to be dark and intriguing and perplexing all at once, in a good way. Why are children watching a man being cut open? And why will all of them be cut open like he is when they die? Not that these questions necessarily need answers... I like the ambiguity of it.. I like things to be left for the reader to decide. In my opinion, the best poems are the ones like these where the reader can decide things like that... to come to their own conclusions.

Well done!

Hey, this is really good! You got the rhythm of this spot on. The only thing that I might change is to possibly add rhyming. But that could just be personal preference.
You also might want to add some more background about who is the main character, and what exactly is happening to them.
Also if you capitalize, it will make it cleaner. But all things considered, you did stellar, only a few minor things, and this would be an amazing poem.
Keep up the good work!

Great job!