Eyes open, a new day begins,
I look around, I see colors; the blue on my walls, the yellow ceiling. How do I see different colors? I hear sounds; people are moving downstairs. What are sounds? How do I hear them? I smell something good.... Haven't I smelled that before? Wasn't it right before Mommy gave me cookies? I want a cookie!
I jump up and run downstairs. I see something outside, and I am distracted from my cookie. What is it? What does it do? I run outside and into the woods.
I feel the sunshine, warm on my face. Why is it warm in the sunshine and cold in the shade? I sniff the air, it smells like it's been wet outside... What did Mommy tell me that water falling from the sky is called? Oh yeah, rain. It smells like rain. There's a puddle! I want to play in the puddle. Why are puddles wet?
I hear sounds. "What makes that sound?" I wonder, looking all around. It is high pitched, and sings softly. Daddy once called that a bird. Is it a bird? I want to see the bird. I look for the bird, but then I see something else. It's a leaf! It's a little green leaf, falling from the tree. "Why is the leaf falling?" I ask. I feel wind blowing my hair through my face. Is it the force that pulls the leaf down?
"What is that thing? I can't see or touch it, but I hear it, and it pushes against me, makes the tall plants that Brother told me are trees sway and my hair blow across my face! What does it do? How is it made?" I wonder. I try to catch the wind, but it slips through my fingers.
I want to know everything! Everytime something is answered, so many more questions come to my mind. "Why is it light during the day and dark at night? Why does water splash on the floor if I hold my cup upside down? How does Mommy know when I take an extra cookie? Why does my tummy hurt when I don't eat and then hurt when I eat too much?"
This questioning is driving me crazy! "Why does the cat glare at me all day? Why is the doggie nice until I pull his tail? Why can't I take my fish outside with me? Why does my rabbit hide?"
I can't escape the questions. I go inside to play, but there are more questions inside! Why do I hear that sound when I push that button? Why can't I open the oven when the cookies are inside? Why is everone else so much taller? Why can't I do the things they do?
I start to cry. I want to know, and I don't! Sister comes into the room, and tells me to come take a nap. "Why do I take naps? Why doesn't anyone else? Why do people sleep? What do the others do while I'm asleep?" I want to ask so much more, but my eyes are closing. I will find out more later.
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Vary nice! I think most of what I had to say has already been said.
I think you're a vary talented writer and I can't believe I didn't know that till now. Keep up the good work
I'ma read some of your other stuff now.
~Wolf
Hello again, Tobold!
Teehee, this piece is adorable. I like the little kid MC you've got going. He's extremely adorable, and I want to hug them.
So before I get into my overall thoughts, I have a nitpick I picked up along the way:
Would the mother let such a small child run outside into the woods? That seems a bit dangerous. I don't know what that mother's thinking. xD
Okay! I actually thought I had more nitpicks, but they all piled into one overall point, so I'm going to talk about that!
The character's voice sounds way more mature for this child's age. A child that doesn't know what rain is but knows exactly what a puddle is? They know what a leaf is but not a bird? *flail* I guessed this child was, like, three years old, but they speak so well! They speak better than a lot of teenagers, in fact. I mean, kudos to this genius kid.
I think I'd work on the voice a bit. I know the point was probably to work on the curious voice, but in the eyes of a child, curiosity is a lot more than just asking questions. It's learning what they don't already know, and you have to be able to grasp what they know and what they don't know before being able to enforce that.
I also feel like time has slipped by way too quickly. Maybe that was on purpose? For a fast-paced feel? If so, then you did it! If not, then it was too fast. XD
I kinda like how you ended with the nap time. However, a child asking so many questions? I doubt they'd be sleepy yet. At least, not in the short time-frame of this piece. The kid is probably energetic and wants to keep moving. Once they're bored, they might keel over into a nap. Otherwise, they'd probably be antsy.
Well, I guess the kid cried. That helps it a little bit. Still happened too quickly, though. If they're crying, they wouldn't be asking questions about why they sleep. They'd be complaining about how confused they are, driving the mother (or sister or whoever's nearby) nuts. Kids don't cry because they want to learn things while not wanting to learn things. They cry because they don't get it their way. xD
So definitely work on the character's voice. Otherwise, this piece is certainly adorable and fun to read.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Spoiler
This is great! XD I adore it, seriously. This is just what little kids are like, they don't stop and this is probably exactly what's going through their mind! I really like the way you've done this, it's imaginative and great how you've put yourself in a child's shoes so easily.
It's great, I'd love to read more of this style of writing. ^_^
Thanks! Check "Excitement" for part 2, and let me know what you think!
Hi! I read your story and I thought it was cute and confusing. To be honest, I never expected anyone to ask that many questions!


But I love this idea. It's new and creative. I just would love it if you added more emotion and details. You go real quick in the story, slow the tempo down. Describe what's going on. I didn't get the part about the sister or brother saying something to the MC because I didn't know how they even reached the MC.
Be slower and more descriptive.
If you have any questions or want me to review just PM me or leave a comment on my page.
- Nike
I know it prob'ly is confusing, but that was actually part of my intention, to make people see how things appear to a young child. Since young children often miss details and think very fast paced, it seemed appropriate to make my story match that.

Thanks for the critisicm, though. I appreciate you taking the time to give me some pointers. I'll review it and see about editing parts to make it flow better.