The Thread Still Lingers… (Proof of Concept)

Heyo! Horizon/NoOne/whatever name you like here. After two days of straight up ignoring the review button (I love procrastination), I have finally returned with the review in my clutches! Yippee! Because this is a proof of concept, this won’t be a full-on review per say, more like an excuse to gush about how amazing this work is. so…uh…

First Impressions And Nothing Else ^w^

This is such a cool idea! It’s kind of (on second thought, exactly) like those “choose your adventure” books. In the short time I’ve been on YWS, I’ve never seem anyone write in this format, which made it all the more cool. The opening scenes gives a sad and depressing impression, like the protagonist has just accepted that this is their life and doesn’t care for changing it. The loop at the end with the continuous nightmare is very interesting. It looks like we have some false reality/suppressed memories shenanigans going on. It reminds me of the game OMORI, to be honest. (I won’t spoil it if you haven’t played it yet)

The split endings are all really well written. That mother character doesn’t seem right…maybe she’s the one who caused all this? I like how one of the choices is like “you don’t have it” and just sends a link right back to the previous page. It’s as if it’s calling the reader out for picking an choice that just doesn’t exist or clicked it to fufill their completionist streak (definitely not me). The humor with a straight face line is one I definitely enjoy in these genres.

The japanese bit is really creepy, but in that style of “messed up things are happening right now but this is totally normal”. I may have google translated it, so I can’t really say much. I trust the grammar and expressions and all are correct.

And that’s it! Great job, 10/10, all that good stuff. I enjoyed reading it a lot! Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night/you don’t know because it’s somehow sunset or sunrise??

I’ll stop now.

Cheers,
Horizon

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was an interesting little piece. It looks like a bit of a Choose Your Adventure situation and I can't currently access the other links you have but judging off of his, looks like a solid start, quite intriguing.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

You wake up to the cold, harsh wind caressing you on the back. You feel your entire body shive, yet, you’re sweating profusely. You had another nightmare again. It was that room you were all too familiar with. Ignoring it, you get up and get ready for your night shift.

Checking the alarm clock, you realize that for once, you have woken up earlier than it. You feel a weird sense of superiority. Finally, you think, that goddamn alarm clock wasn’t the first thing I heard when I woke up.

Celebrating the (very) little things in life, you go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, splash a palmful of water on your face just once and call it “washing myself”, and open your wardrobe to get changed.

Even though it’s been over a month since you’ve been working, you still haven’t gotten used to this type of work. Being a cashier, especially in this rural part of town canbe sluggish and boring; it also gets sleepy, but you shouldn’t say that or else your boss will fire you for sleeping on the job.

As you enter the convenience store your shift is at, you realize that the previous worker didn’t do his job properly. Not only did he leave before you entered (which was probably a contract violation, but you don’t get paid enough to care), he also didn’t clean up anything at all. The floor was extra dirty from the entourage of shoes that came into the store wet because of the rain, the shelves were disorganized with a bunch of things put in the wrong place (seriously, how did the bag of chips even get inside the ice cream freezer?), and the coins were unorganized when you opened the cash register.

You spent the first half of your shift cleaning up the mess left behind by your previous worker. Luckily, no-one came in during that time (To be fair, who on earth would come into this understocked convenience store at 2AM???).

As you finally think to yourself that you caught a break, you hear the automatic door open. You wait until the customer comes up to the checkout counter. You scan her items: a bottle of cheap wine, a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and some other hygiene products.

“That will be a total of $23.45 ma’am.”

“@#¥@%?” She said, saying your name.

“What?”

“@#¥@%? It’s me, your {=+*#.”

You look up. She’s smiling at you. Your heart beats faster as you make eye contact with her. You see it. Her hazel brown eyes, slightly wrinkled skin, and obviously fake blonde hair. It’s your mother.

“W-what are you doing here?” You ask, no demand.

“Oh, I just came here for personal reasons. How lovely it is to see you again my dear.”

She left, giving a $50 bill, telling you to keep the change.

You run out, suddenly feeling something disheveling brewing up in your guts. You try and throw up in the dumpsters in the back. Something fuzzy comes back into your mind. You try to ignore it. Then, your vision gets blurry. You see the street lamp illuminating the ground as you fall unconscious.

You wake up to the cold, harsh wind caressing you on the back. You feel your entire body shive, yet, you’re sweating profusely. You had another nightmare again. It was that room you were all too familiar with. Do you chose go remember it? Or ignore it?

This is a very funky story. In a good way, obviously. Second person perspective is an extremely unique take on writing and something I aDORE! You do it quite well here.
One thing with second POV, you have to make sure not to use "you" a lot. It makes things slightly more challenging, but with the way you're capable of writing I think it will come very naturally to you!
P.S. You accidentally put "can" and "be" as one word.

This is really amazibg! I think I’ll leave a review sometime tomorrow, but we’ll see if I don’t procrastinate this until next week