Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was quite the read here. For something this short it carries quite the impact with it I think, really bringing across a lot of power in the moment to us and really getting us to look beyond just the words to find its true meaning.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

The cold, serene wind blew through the night. It carried dried leaves, and cold hardened dirt particles off the road. The sibilant whispers of the wind through the creaks of the houses made the town feel more gloomy then it really was.

The night had reached its nadir point as the clouds cleared reveling the luminous moon which hung in the sky like a great beast. Its rays coruscating the river below.

The moons ray fell on a particular old house that lay on the outskirts of the town. Inside no wind entered, nor did any leave. Inside darkness was ever living and the candle inside was the only vestige of the light.

A frail figure could be seen standing right by the candle. He stood there in a brooding silent, his eyes focusing on the candles graceful dance. No movement was made as he observed the candles light.

The fire felt alive in that moment. The fire, that was lit on the candle's top lashed toward the old man. In response he jumped haggardly to his side, barely dodging the candles *Fiery* attack.

His old face became radiant as he looked to the candle.

"Hahah, its alive, its alive." The old man said mirthfully

The fire on top of the candle attacked the old man again, and again, but the fire of the flame wasn't able to reach the old man as he stood on the far side of the house. He stood in the abyssal darkness, his expression of a crazed person. That was to be expected as he had now discovered what he had been looking for through out his life, a will.

A living object that, as stated in the legends 'Had the ability to grant unimaginable powers'.

Slowly the candle reached its end point, thus vanishing into the air. The old man stared at the smoke.

"It was worth it, i was able to take a glimpse of the world that lay beyond the ordinary, now i can finally rest" As the old man finished. His body turn to dust.

Wind was once again welcomed into the house as it picked up the remains of the once powerful wizard. The wind played with the wizards remains, just like it would do any other.

Hi! Here AnotherCrowInRow (aka Kay) with review!

I came across your story while it was still in the Green Room - I hope it finds more readers, as it looks like a good start to a story for a sequel, but works well as just a short story or stand-alone scene.

I love how you play with words. Story is written in a slightly different type of speech one normally encounters, which is refreshing. I like how the theme of the wind sticks to the whole story and also that some things are simply left unexplained. Infodumping is annoying at times and you avoided it, which is nice.

I didn't notice any significant problems with the text. I came across a few minor grammatical errors - if you want to know exactly where they are, the previous review takes over the text, so to speak, paragraph by paragraph, and grammatical details are already mentioned there.

Overall good work though, so keep it up

Hi!!

Dropping for a quick review here! I want to start out by saying that I really enjoyed reading your story, its short but punchy and was very interesting from start to end. I like the way you used descriptions to build the dramatic effect and really give the entire story that dark edge I really enjoyed.

However, there are a few grammatical errors I would like to point out.

It carried dried leaves, and cold hardened dirt particles off the road.

Inside darkness was ever living and the candle inside was the only vestige of the light.

He stood there in a brooding silent, his eyes focusing on the candles graceful dance.

"It was worth it, i was able to take a glimpse of the world that lay beyond the ordinary, now i can finally rest" As the old man finished. His body turn to dust.

Slowly the candle reached its end point, thus vanishing into the air.