Since the summer morning, Mark's mother sat on the porch still, her eyes only paying attention to the sky above. He had observed her for more than two hours, but she didn’t even so much as glance at him; it was as if he was a ghost. Mark, becoming worried for her health, approached her.
"Oh, mother, what has captured your attention that you do not even glance in my direction?"
His mother stayed unresponsive. Mark asked again:
"Oh, mother, what has captured your attention that you do not even glance in my direction?" But he was again greeted with her stoic look that was fixed on the sky. Mark, curious about the reason for her trance, looked up at the sky. The clear blue sky did not seem interesting to Mark. It was a sky like any other day, clear and blue with no sign of rain.
"Mark, the sky is beautiful, isn't it?" his mother said.
Mark looked at her; a smile was now apparent on his mother’s beautiful jade-like face. Her deep blue eyes still seemed uninterested in his presence as they refused to look in his direction.
"Mother, I do not understand. The sky looks the same as any other day. It's blue and empty of any rain," Mark said, his voice carrying a confused tone.
His mother shook her head from right to left, but no sign of dissatisfaction was on her face.
"Mark, tell me, if the sky disappeared one day, would you miss it? If the sky became engulfed in dark clouds, would you miss it?" his mother said, her voice filled with wisdom.
"Mother, I still do not understand."
"Then let me give you another example. Mark, you see me every day. I cook for you, I clean for you, and I wait for you to come home. Now, if I suddenly disappeared, would you miss me?" Finally, his mother’s face turned to him, her smile now had a feeling of sadness.
Something clicked in Mark's brain as tears started to come from his eyes.
"I now understand, mother, and yes, I would miss you," Mark’s voice shook with realization.
Mark looked up at the blue sky.
"It's beautiful, mother, truly beautiful."
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141,255 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This short story was beautiful to read. I like how it reads of a sort of old-timey story you might find hung up somewhere random on a pin board. It's short but sweet. The mother uses simple terminology to get her point across, "If I suddenly disappeared, would you miss me?" is a good line, getting it into Mark's head that yes, he would miss her, and if the sky were gone too, he would miss that as well.
Hey there pal! A nice piece you got here. Mark learns to appreciate a clear sky. I do like the comparison that Mark's mom makes between the sky becoming dark and her leaving her son's life. I do like the repetition of the dialogue, it felt almost storybook-like. The sky is often associated with being the source of life and a mother is someone who creates and nurtures human beings. Although If I would add, this story could have been a bit longer. Maybe they live on a farm and usually its the mother who works on the land but because shes sick its Mark who has to do it now?
Well done, I wish to see more of your work in the future!
I am glad you enjoyed my work.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well wasn't this quite the little tale here. I think you do a wonderful job taking this very simple scene and very simple idea and breathing so much more meaning and life into it. It really makes for a very powerful idea here.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Oh, well this is quite the start. Going right to the point of the blue sky here and what it might represent, with this innocent little question about what the mother is looking at, which of course seems a perfect little balance of oh this is a normal cute moment between family while at the same time being a mildly terrifying moment of two hours is a long time.
Well this is a nice change. It takes two question to get through, the scene practically unchanging but we finally have a small acknowledgement of how the sky really is beautiful even though it seems Mark doesn't see much in it.
Well looks like Mark really doesn't seem to get it but his mother at the same time isn't just going to look at him all disapprovingly but maybe thinks he will learn with time or is perhaps getting ready to show him how beautiful the sky can be.
Oooh well this is a beautiful way to describe how a normal sky with just pure blue can be so beautiful. The concept of it sticking around and being there for you, indicating the day is good and nice to you. That one really makes for a profound moment of thought here.
Ahhh and there comes the realization. A powerful metaphor for a powerful little lesson and I think its beautiful that Mark manages to realize this lesson in the end and understand it all for himself.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall a powerful little tale, borne of such simple idea but elevated to such a high point at the end. I think you capture it beautifully and the idea of the lesson being passed from the mother to son is quite a beautiful addition there to end on.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD
Shell Start: Wow! This story had much more meaning than I anticipated. Let's get into it a bit more~
Favorite Leaf:
This is my favorite quote in this piece for obvious reasons. Here, you gave us a glimpse into Mark's mother's mind, as she uses the sky as a metaphor-- as if to say, "You are my sky, and you're looking stunning today" or something along those lines. I really loved the interaction here between mother and son. And then at the end, when Mark finally understands, he grasps the importance of appreciating the constant, unchanging elements in his life, represented by both the sky and his mother. This was truly beautiful!
Shell Fractures:
I just have one suggestion, or more so, a question?
Were the repetition of these two dialogues intentional? I feel like this kind of slowed the flow of the narrative a tad. Especially the 'Oh' at the beginning of the sentence, it just sounded kinda forced. I'd recommend changing it around when Mark repeats the question, but that's just my opinion and feel free to leave it if you have some deeper meaning behind that as well
Overall:
Overall, this was an awesome read! I love when stories have some sort of morale behind it, and this was a perfect example. Thank you for sharing, and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~