Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi, I'm Kajal and I'm reviewing your work today.
While reading the story I must say I felt immersed in it. The start beautifully describes how the snow is falling along with giving intricate details on the outfit of Bella, a name which I liked too.
But I'll like to bring to your notice that there are some spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes that you have made along the way.
Also punctuations are missing where you have added an 'and' and tried to join dissimilar sentences.
Also the story flow took me out of the story mood because it didn't flow well as the details are not provided to the reader about the case, characters, etc.
I will recommend you try to come up with an ending that matches with the start of your story.
Thankyou for reading!

Hi, I'm Swifite13 and I'm reviewing your work today.
First of all, I liked this story even though I didn't understand it all the way. What was the point of the box exploding? What was the case Bella solved? Why did Gregory do that prank? Who were all the characters?
I feel like a little bit of background info would really help out for this.
Next, the story did seem pretty good until at least the second to last paragraph. When everyone was talking, you didn't add any punctuation, and so that would really help just smooth things around for this.
Also in this sentence:
"Gosh darn it, call that little rescale here. If this isn't fixed i swear i will burn down this whole station". Bella said angerly, her pale face showed a speck of red."
First of all, I think you meant that to be rascal, rescale, and I think you also meant for it to be angrily not angerly.
Also, you didn't really capitalize the I's, so just remember to do that in the future.
Also, one question: when you say that Bella has a York style hat, what do you mean by that? Just asking.
Have a nice day/night/whatever it is in your country.
-Swiftie13

To start out, I really liked this piece of writing, it tells a story. I especially liked the metaphor in the beginning (pretty sure that’s the correct terminology) of “Snow slowly fell on the solid white concrete street. It descended from the sky like broken and sliced feathers.” Your story paints a nice picture.

However, I do have a few comments. I noticed that throughout your story there are a few spelling mistakes, which doesn’t help in the story flowing. Even just adjusting those would make it flow much more smoothly.

I also like your use of snow to kind of set the mood a little, but then bringing it up by having a prank happening at the end.

The story was alright. I really liked the way you stressed about snow:).

I liked that you tried to give a description, but it needs a little work. And also I think you should re-read your story again for spelling errors. Maybe, you could've extended the story a little more, just for the sake of description and emotion. That would really give your story an upgrade.


Overall, I think your story can hold a lot of things, it can be worked on more and even taken to the next level. Your writing is very good and I hope to see more!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a rather adorable little tale here. I think you've done a wonderful job here of bringing across quite an interesting character here and setting up a rather serious sounding scene only for that lovely prank to be the ending.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Snow slowly fell on the solid white concrete street. It descended from the sky like broken and sliced feathers. Bella looked up, dark circles under her eyes were striking in the white pale background of her face, there were occasional black flecks that dotted the white, pale background.

A black purse hung to her leaft shoulder as she crushed the snow of mid winter under her black leather boots. Occasionally snow would gather on top of her new York style hat. She could brush them off with her delicate and smooth pale hands. Sometime she would take it off and smack it in mid air. This reveled her long black hair.

Today Bella had a murder case on her hand, the folder containing evidence about the murder and its relative information was captured in her right hand. She had re-read the file over a dozen time causing the outer layer of the cheap paper file to be streaked with white. Bella hurriedly walked on the London sidewalk, excitant was written all over her face. It was her first ever murder case, and also the first ever murder case solved by her.

She stood outside of the London police station. Her hand gripped the file harder causing it to wrinkle up. The ends of her mouth got longer and longer, making her smile bigger. She slowly walked in to the station.

The inside of the station was filled with cops, some stood in a corner drinking coffee and talking to their friend, while some other anxiously murmured to themselves. Bella ignoring this sight placed her attention on the big box in the corner of the room labeled 'Solved Cases Only'. Bella swiftly went over and slpped the paper file inside of the box.

She then turned around, and when she was about to leave the box spit out the file that she just put in. Bella's face redden as she picked the file back up. One of the cops looked at her and said "Oh, Bella it seems you have fallen victim to Georgy's prank" Mike said. His voice haugty and deep. A small smirk rose in his face as he looked at Bella's redden face. Bella then screamed in anger, "Gosh darn it, call that little rescale here. If this isn't fixed i swear i will burn down this whole station". Bella said angerly, her pale face showed a speck of red.

A young boy holding a camera reveled himself from behind the door. "Haha, Bella your face was priceless." Georgy said. He quickly came over and smacked the black box. "Now its fixed" Georgy said. Bella while making eye contact put the file inside of the box again, but now this time it didn't spit it out. "Georgy if you do this again, the next murder case I will be solving is your-" suddenly the black box exploded. Bella's forehead was now filled with popped veins as she said "GEORGY, I WILL KILL YOU"