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Chapter 1 Matthew

by ThekingsAdvisor


Outskirts of Frostvale, 1120 of The Year of Light.

Matthew lifted the tree logs from the snowy ground and put them in his small cart. He pulled the cart with a rope, dragging it across the snowy landscape toward his house. He was excited to go back home, after working from morning to noon he would finally get some well-deserved rest. That wasn't the only reason he was excited to be home, because today was his birthday. To be precise it would be his four-tenth birthday finally making him an actual adult, and he knew that his father had a gift prepared for him or at least he hoped so. Even though his father was strict and always yelled at him for making even the smallest mistakes he knew that his father did all of this to make him ready for the world.

‘I wonder what gifts da has prepared for me, i can't wait!’ Matthew Sayed happily. Yesterday he couldn't sleep all night because of the sheer excitement, throughout the night he heard noises from his father's craft room where he usually makes tools. Hmm, is it going to be an axe or is it something else. I really hope it's an axe it would make woodcutting much easier; Matthew thought. Matthew dragged the cart until he was able to see the outline of the cabin. Then he noticed an outline of his father outside the cabin. Matthew sprinted with excitement toward the cabin almost flipping the cart-full of logs over. While sprinting he noticed the town of Frostvale, Matthew snared. It awakend bad memories to him.

Upon coming closer to his house, he was able to see his father. He was tall and broad shouldered he wore a thick animal hide that went from his shoulders down to his legs. His father was chopping wood on his favorite cutting board, which was a tree stump, as far as he knew that tree stump was older than him and his father, itsa stump passed down his grandfather. Matthew noticed that his father was waving right and leftindicating that a storm was emerging and that he had to come home quickly. Matthew quickened his pace and in less than a minute he was standing next to his father.

‘Matthew, we got no time, the storm is brewing. We got to go inside’ His father said with a tone of seriousness in his voice.

‘Ay, but father where should i put the logs, if we put it inside then the water will leak from the logs to the floor in turn making a mess Matthew replayed.

His father then sighed, then with an annoyed face he proceeded saying ‘How many times do I have to tell you, you are a man, and from today on you are officially going to become an adult, so stop being so weak minded. Remember you are a man’

There he goes again; Matthew thought. Matthew hated it when his father went off like this. He knew very well that he was doing this to make him tough and all, but does he have to be so loud and obnoxious all the time? Matthew didn't respond to his father he knew that if he started to argue the situation would get worse. Then Matthew went in to put the wooden logs inside the cabin.

The cabin was warm and spacious, there were a total of two rooms. The first room was their bedroom where the fireplace was. It was connected to the main door. Then right next to the fireplace was the door that led to the second room where his father worked all the time. Matthew was prohibited from entering that room, his father always talked about how it was “A room for room for adults and not for childrens”.Matthew stacked the logs next to the fireplace in hopes that there would be less leakage of water on the wooden floor. Upon finishing stacking the logs Matthew took of his sweaty shirt and sat next to the fireplace to dry off.

Whilst Matthew was drying himself his father entered the house and, on his way, closed the door behind him.

‘Father what kind of storm will it be today’ Matthew asked his father. In silence, Matthew was hoping that it wasn't a star storm or else they would have to spend the rest of the week inside until the storm was calm.

‘Just a simple snowstorm, but it might change since the clouds are a little bit unusual today.’ His father responded calmly. The anger was gone from his voice. Matthew was overjoyed to hear his responses. Matthew then got up and took a black tunic out from under his bed and put it on.

_+_

Night soon reigned upon them. They covered the windows with custom wooden boards that his dad crafted. In fact, everything from the cabin to the windows to the doors were all built by his father. Matthew looked to his right to find his father come out of his craft room, his father was holding two bowls of soup.

‘This is the last bowl of meat soup we will have, and the rest of the winter we will have to survive by drinking birch bark soups, so treasure it while it lasts’ His father said while handing him a bowl with his right hand. Matthew took the bowl of soup with a nod, he was anticipating this, but he didn't think he would have to start eating bark soup again until later in the winter. Matthew stared down at the last meat soup that he would have for this winter.

In less than five minutes the bowl was licked clean by Matthew. He was never the one to take his time eating. That was a lesson dug into his head by his father. Matthew looked back at his father to find him with a full bowl. Which was quite strange as it was he who always finished the food the fastest.

‘Father, are you okay, why is your bowl still full’ Matthew asked. His father jerked, and then he looked at him in Suprise. He didn't look good

‘Thank you for reminding me son, I was distracted in thoughts’ His father replied. Matthew just nodded in response showing no reaction. Whilst in his heart he was overjoyed, he was overjoyed to be thanked by his father, it was rare for his father to ever complement or even thank him.

‘Matthew today is the day that you will be reaching adulthood, and for this joyous event I have prepared a gift for you’ His father said. Finally, I have been waiting all yesterday and today for this; Matthew thought. His father then goes into his wood room and comes out. In his hand, there was a box. His father handed the box to him.

Matthew slowly opened the box trying not to ruin whatever was inside. Inside the box, there was a nice plain white handkerchief.

‘Father, if I am being ungrateful, but why are you giving me a handkerchief’ Matthew asked politely trying his hardest not to anger his father.

‘This was the last thing your mother left before she died’ His father calmly replayed. Matthew was flabbergasted. It had been years since his father had mentioned his mother, whenever he tried to ask his father about his mother, he would always stay quiet or get really mad at him for asking. His father then continued.

‘Matthew your mother died while giving birth to you, and before she died, she told me to give this to you when you were an adult as your gift’ His father said. Matthew noticed that his father was trying his best not to look directly in his eyes. Matthew understood that his father was holding his tears back. Abruptly before Matthew could open his mouth his father collapsed on the floor.

Matthew ran to him; his father's face was becoming redder and redder. He has a fever; Mattthew thought. He quickly dragged his father to bed. Matthew looked around his room panickily to find something that could help his father. Before he could observe further his father tugged a piece of his tunic. Matthew looked back to find his father's face red and looking like it was going to explode.

‘Matthew sit down i have to talk to you’

‘Okay father’ Matthew said, he could hear his father's voice weakening. Matthew took a seat at the end of his father's leg.

‘Matthew please forgive me for all of the things i have said to you, forgive me for all of the times i yelled at you’ His father said feebly. Matthew wanted to protest, but he let him continue.

‘Matthew...my life is waning away and i know. I don't have more time to live, but please don't hate me all the things i have said and done to you, it was for your own good so do not hate your father.’

‘Father i would never hate you for anything, you were the greatest father that anyone could ever hope for’ Matthew said. Matthew held his father's hand, and then he felt the warmth of the hand slowly leaving and was being replaced by the cold.

Matthew looked at his father, his eyes were shut closed, and his face became pale. Matthew felt lonely now, the whole world felt as if it had stopped. The hot room felt cold to him, and the air was now suffocating. He knew that the phantoms were taking his father, but he couldn't see him.

In less than two seconds the whole room was hot again and the air soft. Tears started to drop fro Matthews eyes. He tried to hold it in, but the tears were like an uncontrollable flood. Stop crying, you are a man Matthew you are a man; Matthew thought.

Matthew looked at his father, he sat there as if waiting for the lifeless body of his father to wake up. 


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Sat Apr 06, 2024 2:46 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven...late to the party, I guess, heh. I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story today using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

This chapter was a fascinating introduction to a new character, with equally heartbreaking circumstances as the prologue. Everything starts innocently enough as Mathew thinks about his birthday and finishes up his chores, then leads into a shocking revelation. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

This chapter was written well! You have great descriptions of both the setting and Mathew's internal monologue. Dialogue felt natural as well. Again, I have some recommendations to make in good spirit, free to take or leave, and they're a little more specific (and minor):

‘I wonder what gifts da has prepared for me, i can't wait!’ Matthew Sayed happily.


I think "sayed" would look a little more proper if spelled "said" and not capitalized. Unless that's a name I'm reading wrong? Anyway, also on the note of grammar, "I" should be capitalized when Mathew is referring to himself ~

‘Ay, but father where should i put the logs, if we put it inside then the water will leak from the logs to the floor in turn making a mess Matthew replayed.


Minor grammar error here. The dialogue doesn't seem to have an end tag. Maybe add a comma and quotation after "mess" here?

his father always talked about how it was “A room for room for adults and not for childrens”.


I think you had a bit of repetition here, saying "room for" twice.

‘Father, are you okay, why is your bowl still full’ Matthew asked. His father jerked, and then he looked at him in Suprise. He didn't look good


Finally, I think you could get away with putting a question mark after Mathew asks that question, and "surprise" wouldn't need to be capitalized I think.

Now remember, this is all just my opinion, and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. The chapter is great as it is too ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Ah, now for highlights, and you gave us plenty to go through!

The respective introductions of the two characters was very well done. Very much that ideal "show don't tell" moment; we get a great idea of what the characters are like just by reading about them, instead of relying on being told "Matthew is this" or "His father is that," etcetera. We can see that Matthew is a hardworking and optimistic kid, with a lot of respect for his father and love for his family in general. Likewise, despite perhaps being gruff and stern, his father does have a caring heart and just wants him to grow up strong. That was clear and came across well. As well as what you showed with Prince Edward in the prologue, it's clear you have a talent for characterization ~

As I mentioned, your descriptions were brilliant. They created a lovely visual for the setting and for each of the character's actions. Even details like the type of soup they're having just gave it a sense of realism and brought that homey setting through, before giving way to a tragic situation. The details we were given just before creating the perfect shift in mood; subtle, but notably different.

‘Matthew your mother died while giving birth to you, and before she died, she told me to give this to you when you were an adult as your gift’


That was such a bittersweet line, and added more impact to the transition just seconds later:

Abruptly before Matthew could open his mouth his father collapsed on the floor.


So we know his mother died, and now his father too?!?! That's so sad! But, as someone who appreciates a tragic storyline, I love it. You captured the mood just right and the emotion comes through. And of course, this shows us where Matthew is coming from, and what his struggles -internal and external- may involve. Great work there ~

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, between the Prologue and this opening chapter, you really seem to be building an involved, creative story with plenty to appreciate. I can really see your passion to make it and bring it to its best, and that's brilliant; love to see it, love that you're sharing it with us. Nicely done! :)

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ThekingsAdvisor says...


Thanks for the review, and if you like you could read the 2nd chapter. I really would love if you could review it.



RavenAkuma says...


No problem! I should be able to hop on it today! ^^



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Fri Apr 05, 2024 2:33 pm
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CapybarasAndCoffee wrote a review...



Hey!
I'm going to review as I read! 😀
I love the beginning
"He was excited to go back home, after working from morning to noon he would finally get some well-deserved rest."
It honestly sounds like something my mom would say if she was describing her day dramatically.
I wish it said more about Matthew's appearance and as well as his father's.
The father is strict and sorta rude. I really have a love-hate relationship with his personality like he cares and that's why he's doing it but then it's also like he's got standards for what his son should be like.
HIS MOM IS DEAD!? Once again love-hate, I hate that it happened to him, I love that backstory.
I like how you wrote their actions, as I read it is so easy to picture it.
NO HIS DAD DIES!!!!!!!!
Alright I'm going to follow you and watch out for updates because this is great!
You should make a novel or book series out of this.
If this is how it begins I can't wait to see how it ends




ThekingsAdvisor says...


Wow you have big expectations i will try my best to meet them, and thank you for the dono



CapybarasAndCoffee says...


Np!
You are very talented!
I notice you said I have big expectations I wasn't trying make my review coming across that way please don't let it stress you out I just meant I liked the book a buncj



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Fri Apr 05, 2024 3:32 am
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Ley wrote a review...



Hello, Ley here to leave a review on this awesome work of yours! I will be using my own review method today: Ley's Potato Chips Version! :D I'm trying out this review method in attempt to leave more enjoyable reviews. Let's get started and cut these potatoes, shall we? :3

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Turning on the Fryer!

This is the great start to an even better novel! I was hooked from Matthew's description of his father, to the setting of the tone, and the dramatic and jaw-dropping ending. I clicked on this as soon as I saw that it's fantasy, as I'm a fantasy girlie and I'm obsessed with anything magick/secret gifts/fantasy worldbuilding. Let's get right into this review of the content, though.

Fry Those Potato Slices!

Let's start with what I really enjoyed. Like I said, the worldbuilding was awesome! You set the tone with Matthew's walk home from collecting logs, and his description of the cabin. You also described the weather-- a snowstorm abrewing-- and that really helped my mind imagine the scene between Matthew and his father. Great job with that!

I also wanted to quickly praise the ending, as it was the perfect way to lead into the next chapter! You have me itching to read more >.> Which is a good thing!

Add Some Salt!

There were a few grammar mistakes, but nothing major:

‘I wonder what gifts da has prepared for me, i can't wait!’ Matthew Sayed happily.

Did Matthew say this in his head? If so, I think it should be in italics. If not, the quotations should look like this:
"I wonder what gifts da has prepared for me, i can't wait!" Matthew Sayed happily.

Also, in that same sentence, I think you meant to say 'said' instead of 'sayed'. Minor typo, though. Nothing an easy edit won't fix!

I noticed as well that whenever you add dialogue, it's always with 'these' symbols. I think it'd look alot better with "these", but that's just my preference. Otherwise, this looks great!

Enjoy The Crunchy Greatness!

Overall, I was captivated by this chapter! I can't wait to read more about Matthew and his reaction and the things that follow with his father's death. It seems like things are about to get wild!

That's it for now! Enjoy your potato chips! :D

With Love,
Ley :smt023




ThekingsAdvisor says...


Thank you for taking your time, and reviewing my work. I appreciate it.



ThekingsAdvisor says...


Oh if you want to know more you can read the prologue where i introduce my second mc. To find the prologue just look at your right and look at the related items where you will see "Prince Edward". that's it i hope you have a good day.




We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot