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Forever - Part Five - The Cabby

by TheWarriorMingan


Emma spent the next few days in the hospital. Few people except Elora and Doctor Sullivan visited. She spent her long hours staring into space, dimly listening to bits of conversation.

One afternoon, Emma was drifting along the border of slumberland, when she overheard two voices in the hall. They had been talking for quite some time before the next phrase jerked her out of her doze.

"But she can't remember." It was Nurse Elora.

"It's not uncommon for a person to lose their memory after a tragedy, or something they want to forget." Dr. Sullivan's voice came. A pause followed.

"I can't even begin to imagine what happened to that poor girl." Said Elora.

"Or what she's going through now." Dr. Sullivan said.

"Do you think she'll be satisfied with her guardian?" Elora asked.

"She doesn't have a choice, it's either him or a foster home." The doctor responded.

"I heard that he abandoned all family ties when he was young. Also, did you know he barely leaves his house?" Elora said.

"I would barely call that a house, it's a castle! But where did you hear that?" Dr. Sullivan asked. Elora laughed quietly.

"Ms. Meyer."

"Ms. Meyer?"

Their voices continued to fade as they went further down the hall.

They're talking about me, Emma realized as she closed her eyes and slipped back to sleep.

The next day, Elora woke Emma.

"Emma, wake up. You've got to go, today's the big day."

"What?" Emma said sleepily.

"You're leaving the hospital today, the social worker is meeting you in thirty minutes."

"Thirty minutes!" Emma bolted out of bed, oblivious of her wounds.

"Do you need any help getting ready?"

"No Elora, thank you." Elora left the room. Over the back of a chair hung a fitting pair of high-waisted jeans, a pastel pink tee-shirt, and a stylish jacket. Charity clothes, Emma assumed. She'd gotten plenty of those before. But they were of better quality than the others. 

She flinched in pain as she raised her arms to slip into her shirt. Having gotten dressed, she focused on her hair. Emma brushed her sleek black hair till it shone. She reached for the jacket.

All of a sudden her injuries caught up to her and she felt dizzy and started to blackout. She tottered to the bed and sat down. After a minute or two, her vision cleared.

Close call, she thought. After taking several deep breaths, Emma again reached for her jacket. As she was putting it on, she felt a sharp poke.

"Ow!" Emma pulled out a sales tag.

"Oh. My. Gosh!" The price on the tag read one hundred fifty dollars.

Who buys jackets this expensive? She thought. Maybe it's not charity. She shrugged off the thought. Elora came in.

"Are you done?" She asked.

"Yes. How do I look?" Emma twirled.

"Perfect." Elora smiled. "But now we have to go. The social worker will meet you at the Central Police Station."

"The police station?" Emma stopped. She dropped onto the bed. "The police station."

"What's wrong, Emma?"

"I, I'm, I can't go to the station." She started quivering. "My, my f, father worked th, there."

"Oh, I'm sorry honey." Elora sat down next to Emma. "We could change the meeting place."

"N, no. I'll be fine." Emma sucked in a breath. "It's just, I used to visit him there every day after school." A nurse knocked on the door.

"Elora, taxi's here." He said.

"Ok," Elora said. "Come on Emma, let's go." Elora walked Emma through the hospital and out into the street.

"Thank you for everything, Elora. You've been so good to me." Emma said.

"You're welcome. The doctor would've been here to say goodbye, but he had to perform an emergency operation."

"Tell him thanks." Emma stepped into the taxi. "Bye." Elora nodded. The taxi pulled into the busy metropolis street.

"Where to, madam?" The cabby said. His voice was deep and rusty.

"Central Police Station." Emma rubbed her arms. The cabby nodded. After a few minutes, he swung a sharp left.

"This isn't the way to the station." Emma knew better than to address a cabby with 'Sir'.

"There was a detour, madam." He said gruffly.

"I didn't see one."

"I know, Captor street hasn't had roadwork in forever." He grinned

Maybe a little too friendly, Emma thought. Something's not right.

"That was Raptor street, not Captor street." She said aloud. The man shrugged. A few minutes passed.

"We're on the other side of town," Emma said. "Are you sure you know where we're going?"


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Thu Jun 24, 2021 9:58 pm
tweezers wrote a review...



Emma spent the next few days in the hospital. Few people except Elora and Doctor Sullivan visited. She spent her long hours staring into space, dimly listening to bits of conversation.


I wish there was more to this introductory bit. How would Emma describe the hospital room she's in using at least two of her senses? Is there another person sharing the room or does she have a private one? What floor of the hospital is she on and has she been moved from another in the moments between last chapter and this one? I think everything depends largely on what country this is set in, but from all of the terms you've used here and the description of previous events, I assume it's somewhere in the North America region.

I'm also a little unsure about how you mentioned bits of conversation. Like I said above about the hospital room and lack of detail, there isn't really anything about this after it's mentioned. Nothing trails back to conversations that have happened before, no character has memories or flashbacks surrounding plot needs, and it all feels rather stiff from where I'm standing right now. It ties back into the old saying of "show, don't tell" when referring to writing, and it's partially true in some areas of stories.

"She doesn't have a choice, it's either him or a foster home." The doctor responded.


No no no, I can't stress how much this bothers me. I'm not from the region this is based in, but it does not work like this. It will never work like this because of how flawed that is. Of course, some things have their issues when it comes to the safety of others and guardians, but a person will be removed if it's a seriously bad place for them or if they personally have many issues with it. A doctor of all people should understand that, and if they do not realize the problem in their words, they should quit their job and retire their medical license. I repeat, it doesn't work like this and it never will.

Research is key for things you do not understand. It might be a small thing to some people, but I can sense that this will become a major plotline. It's probably placed there for ease of actually creating and developing plot, but still you need to consider all of the ways it can affect a character and if it even makes sense. This is obviously not staying true to realistic situations in other areas with the masked figure and what probably had occurred in previous chapters I missed out on, but I do believe that this is a bigger problem than whether superheroes and some magical flying dinosaurs existing.

"This isn't the way to the station." Emma knew better than to address a cabby with 'Sir'.


You should address anyone with respect unless they are a direct threat to you or they are a stranger you have not even interacted with. It's the kind of common decency people learn in primary school when their teachers tell them to thank someone who holds a door open for them or gives them extra apple slices. Do you thank the nice stranger who holds the door open for you in the rain? I expect that the answer is yes or that a figure in your life has told you it's the right thing to do if it ever comes up.

I'll see you in the next part when I get the energy to review~






Thank you, Chikara!



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Sat Jun 05, 2021 5:12 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaack for another review!!

First Impression: Hmm....well, looks like the poor girl is about to get thrust into another horrible situation...but also hmm....looks like a very familiar person is about to adopt her. :D

Anyway let's get right to it,

Emma spent the next few days in the hospital. Few people except Elora and Doctor Sullivan visited. She spent her long hours staring into space, dimly listening to bits of conversation.

One afternoon, Emma was drifting along the border of slumberland, when she overheard two voices in the hall. They had been talking for quite some time before the next phrase jerked her out of her doze.


Hmm...well this is looking like the start of the next phase of this story now that we've had a proper filler chapter to recover from the tragedy of the first couple of chapters. Hmm, well let's see what these two supposedly very friendly people might be talking about here behind her back then....this could be really interesting.

"But she can't remember." It was Nurse Elora.

"It's not uncommon for a person to lose their memory after a tragedy, or something they want to forget." Dr. Sullivan's voice came. A pause followed.

"I can't even begin to imagine what happened to that poor girl." Said Elora.

"Or what she's going through now." Dr. Sullivan said.


Hmm...well seems like a normal enough conversation for two people like that to be having so...okay...so far so good, and seems that these two are indeed what they say there are...sometime you just can't be sure with these things...xD

"Do you think she'll be satisfied with her guardian?" Elora asked.

"She doesn't have a choice, it's either him or a foster home." The doctor responded.


Oohh...that definitely something quite scary to overhear, I suppose its going to have to happen at some point though, she doesn't really have too much of a choice there. Hmm, although I'm guessing she probably didn't even realize this was something that was going to happen to her until now.

"I heard that he abandoned all family ties when he was young. Also, did you know he barely leaves his house?" Elora said.

"I would barely call that a house, it's a castle! But where did you hear that?" Dr. Sullivan asked. Elora laughed quietly.

"Ms. Meyer."

"Ms. Meyer?"


Well I have a feeling that I know who this man might be...xD...

Their voices continued to fade as they went further down the hall.

They're talking about me, Emma realized as she closed her eyes and slipped back to sleep.

The next day, Elora woke Emma.

"Emma, wake up. You've got to go, today's the big day."


Hmm...well looks like its time for her to move past those wounds and then have to embrace her new life I guess, hopefully nothing bad happens to her now, she definitely deserves a few weeks of rest after having to recover from the kind of shock that she's just been through.

"What?" Emma said sleepily.

"You're leaving the hospital today, the social worker is meeting you in thirty minutes."

"Thirty minutes!" Emma bolted out of bed, oblivious of her wounds.

"Do you need any help getting ready?"


Hmm...you might not want to be too oblivious of those wounds Emma, but hmm, here enthusiasm is definitely quite relatable considering how monumental this day is going to be for her.

"No Elora, thank you." Elora left the room. Over the back of a chair hung a fitting pair of high-waisted jeans, a pastel pink tee-shirt, and a stylish jacket. Charity clothes, Emma assumed. She'd gotten plenty of those before. But they were of better quality than the others.

She flinched in pain as she raised her arms to slip into her shirt. Having gotten dressed, she focused on her hair. Emma brushed her sleek black hair till it shone. She reached for the jacket.


Hmm, good to see her injuries still bothering her...I was afraid they were going to be brushed aside there for a moment but it looks like your continuing to keep them in mind which is awesome :D

All of a sudden her injuries caught up to her and she felt dizzy and started to blackout. She tottered to the bed and sat down. After a minute or two, her vision cleared.

Close call, she thought. After taking several deep breaths, Emma again reached for her jacket. As she was putting it on, she felt a sharp poke.


Ahh...that was indeed a close call...hmm....again, I love how you're not forgetting the severity of the injuries at all, that is such an underrated feature of things that can really make of break the realism of a story.

"Ow!" Emma pulled out a sales tag.

"Oh. My. Gosh!" The price on the tag read one hundred fifty dollars.

Who buys jackets this expensive? She thought. Maybe it's not charity. She shrugged off the thought. Elora came in.


Phew...that is...a lot of money for a jacket...well, its definitely her soon to be foster parent who bought that particular one.

"Are you done?" She asked.

"Yes. How do I look?" Emma twirled.

"Perfect." Elora smiled. "But now we have to go. The social worker will meet you at the Central Police Station."


Okay...why the police station though...can't they come to the hospital considering she is...well injured as badly as she is...hopefully they at least send a nurse or someone along with her, judging by that episode a little earlier, she definitely shouldn't be going anywhere alone.

"The police station?" Emma stopped. She dropped onto the bed. "The police station."

"What's wrong, Emma?"

"I, I'm, I can't go to the station." She started quivering. "My, my f, father worked th, there."


And there's reason number two why she shouldn't be going there...this is definitely not good.

"Oh, I'm sorry honey." Elora sat down next to Emma. "We could change the meeting place."

"N, no. I'll be fine." Emma sucked in a breath. "It's just, I used to visit him there every day after school." A nurse knocked on the door.


Well, its hard to imagine how many memories that can bring back and how much they can affect her.

"Elora, taxi's here." He said.

"Ok," Elora said. "Come on Emma, let's go." Elora walked Emma through the hospital and out into the street.

"Thank you for everything, Elora. You've been so good to me." Emma said.


Uh oh...looks like she's going to be sent off alone...this is not going to end well, this is not going to end well at all...

"You're welcome. The doctor would've been here to say goodbye, but he had to perform an emergency operation."

"Tell him thanks." Emma stepped into the taxi. "Bye." Elora nodded. The taxi pulled into the busy metropolis street.


Hmm...well good to see she's remembering to thank everyone...

"Where to, madam?" The cabby said. His voice was deep and rusty.

"Central Police Station." Emma rubbed her arms. The cabby nodded. After a few minutes, he swung a sharp left.


Okay...here we go, I'm already very suspicious of this cabby...this is not going to end well, is it...deep and rusty voices, along with sharp turns are always a bad combination.

"This isn't the way to the station." Emma knew better than to address a cabby with 'Sir'.

"There was a detour, madam." He said gruffly.

"I didn't see one."


Oh this guy doesn't know just how well Emma knows the way to the police station...

"I know, Captor street hasn't had roadwork in forever." He grinned

Maybe a little too friendly, Emma thought. Something's not right.


Yup, we're already getting that feeling...

"That was Raptor street, not Captor street." She said aloud. The man shrugged. A few minutes passed.

"We're on the other side of town," Emma said. "Are you sure you know where we're going?"


Oh dear, the poor girl is about to get thrust in some other crazy situation right away...isn't she?

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Ahhh...this chapter was amazing, on one hand we get to know a mysterious man who lives alone and is very rich is adopting her which is well...very promising...and also ahh..cliffhanger for a potentially dangerous situation...can't wait to see what the next chapter is going to be. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Many thanks, Harry!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!




Monster is a relative term. To a canary, a cat is a monster. We're just used to being the cat.
— Henry Wu, "Jurassic World"