*NOTE: This is a religious piece, I am a Christian. I make no apologies for this. However I do not post this to offend people so if you are offended (I wouldn't see any reason for you to be) then please feel free to leave this as it's not my intention to offend anyone. Anyway, this was written from the heart. I drew inspiration mainly from Romans 7 and Keith Green's 'Until That Final Day'
You've been with me forever it does seem
A lifetime of hearing you speak to me
You grow in me and righteousness you deem
Unworthy to touch, you say: "leave it be."
You loathe right living of God's faithful ways
You try in me to tempt me after you
To keep me close to you all of my days
To think of you with all I go and do
But how I would have it another way
The things that you in me cause me to think
Even the blasphemies you use me to say
Oh how deeper than hell itself I'll sink
I want no part in you, damning cruel one
You creep me up and try to gain much loss
But I cling to God's one and only Son
Give me nothing but save the wondrous cross
Tis the blood that saves my soul from great pain
That reconciles God to me, such grace
Oh that I'd be rid of you, I would reign
With God my saviour I would see his face
I am washed of you my great killing foe
From your stinking chains I have been set free
No more to face dreadful judgement and woe
For on the cross Christ did bear you for me
The day is coming, and coming soon
Where all things despised, rejected and poor
The heat of the sun, the stars and the moon
Fears, tears and you: for me shall be no more
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140,509 Literary Works • 673,268 Reviews
This was another great poem. I enjoyed reading it and just like the other poems you wrote, it was well written. The only correction I have is this:
I would make it "You try relentlessly to tempt me after you." That way it's less confusing because I couldn't understand what you were trying to say there. Thanks again for writing this. I hope to read more of your works in the future. Keep writing and never get discouraged!
~Keepwriting
Hello Buzz here to review!
I always like to stumble across christian poetry on here so it's good to see. It was a good poem in general, I liked the way you talked about sin, it was personified and i like how it was almost a battle between sin and you. I don't usually like rhyme schemes in poems but in this instance it worked fine, the poem formatting was structured orderly.
Although it was good there is room for improvement so I have a few suggestions to make. The rhythm/flow of your poem is interrupted often, I think that may be due to too many small unnecessary words in a sentence.
"You've been with me forever it does seem
A lifetime of hearing you speak to me
You grow in me and righteousness you deem
Unworthy to touch, you say: "leave it be."
The first line, i think the word "does" interrupts the flow a bit so perhaps cutting it out and putting the word "may seem" on there instead, that way you can still keep your rhyme scheme if you don't want to change it too much.
"You loathe right living of God's faithful ways
You try in me to tempt me after you
To keep me close to you all of my days
To think of you with all I go and do"
Here, the second line slightly is lacking in grammatical sense to me, I understand what you're trying to say, except it's not communicating in the most eloquent way.
"Tis the blood that saves my soul from great pain
That reconciles God to me, such grace
Oh that I'd be rid of you, I would reign
With God my saviour I would see his face"
* "Saviour" is spelt, savior. This was however my favorite stanza.
Overall a nice poem, Hope i was of help to you and keep writing!
-Buzz
Hi, sphealwithit here,
I'm not really into religion although I am a christian. Anyway, in general terms the poem is good the stanzas are all really well laid out and the rhyme scheme is consistent. Good imagery and the personification of sin is good. It is an insightful poem.
Well done. Keep up the good work
Sphealwithit out....
I love finding fellow Christians, it's really comforting.
There was some good imagery in there, good comparisons, too. It was a good length, but a little wordy in some places, and there was a small degree of repetition. I could tell that this was written from the heart, though, it was very deep and insightful. I would journal this if I were you.
Hello, Hsarver here to review your awesome work(I love that it was Christian based because I am Christian as well) I really liked how you personified and used sin throughout your poem, it was really well done. But one thing about this poem makes it extremely hard to read, there is very little grammar, which makes reading it a bit difficult. Though other then that little thing, I think you did an excellent job on it. Keep writing!
-Hsarver