Midsummer dream, in white embracing love
Of her tender arms so soft and mild
Such a face of beauty, she's from above
Her soft temper, her smile drives me wild
Oh what a fool, a fool I've been
Having cast away this treasured thing
Love like diamond, strongest seen
Shattered hope, her voice would sing
She loved this fool, with his faults
Even when he used her love
Locked in his cold hard vaults
Over the edge I did shove
This petal leaf, beauty has known
Fallen to Eden, tree of life
The maker’s hand, he has sown
Beauty made, ended in strife
This be my doing, my wicked way
Judgement coming, and coming soon
The ultimate price I will pay
My child’s death! At mid-noon
Cradle of life, within the womb
But by my hand, my wicked soul
Used the knife to dig the tomb
Colour of life, never been so dull
Now I'm here in tattered tears
Thinking of dreams too true
Whispered silently in my ears
Of the son I never knew
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140,509 Literary Works • 673,268 Reviews
Awwww, this is so sad yet sweet. I don't see many well writing poems about abortion but this was great. I almost wanted you to have some words that say it's wrong but instead you wrote about how sad it is. This is just as effective. The only pet-peeve I have is that you don't have any periods of semicolons where you need them. I guess you don't have to put it there but I like it when there are because then I can tell where the thought ends. Anyway, thanks for this beautiful poem. It almost made me cry. Keep writing and never get discouraged!
~Keepwriting
People write about this topic a lot, and honestly it can get overly-emotional and sappy. Yours didn't, and instead it was honest and pure. Personally, I also liked to hear about it from a guy for once. I had one problem with the stanza where you rhyme "love" with "shove," though; this was the one part where the rhyme felt kind of forced. Other than that, though, you used your words really well and it was a great piece.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
This is a very touchy subject for people. I love how you brought such passion and energy and life into this poem. The part that I have quoted from above is my favorite. I think it ties the poem together so well. This poem doesn't need to change at all. It's very sad but it does happen. This is so beautiful. I can't get over it. You should send it into a publishing company or into a contest, I think you could win. Very nicely done. I am a big fan of this poem.
Good luck and keep writing.
If you have any questions or comments PM me.
-Soggy.
Wonderful use of emotion; you've really reached a depth that can actually connect with the reader in a powerful way. So great job on that. The rhyming scheme was done really well too. It was subtle and didn't interfere or detract with your words, but it was strong enough to pull everything together.
The end was powerful and poignant; definitely my favorite part of the poem. Overall, really nice job. Sorry for the unhelpful-ness of my review.
-Coral-
I'm not very good at reviewing poetry but I just have to say that this was gorgeous.
The ending was probably my favorite, I loved the use of tattered.
I suppose I wouldn't have known what it was about without the title but I don't think that really matters because it was so... poetic. Loved it!